The (fake) Controversy Meme
I blame foomf. Come to think of it, so does he.
First, let's tackle question #1, and then we can move on to the meat.
[01] Do you have the guts to answer these questions and re-post as The Controversial Survey?
I double-DOG dare you! Okay, so here's the deal: most of the questions of the so-called "Controversial Survey" are classic examples of push-polling. To hell with that. I've got the guts to re-write the questions in more meaningful ways. And I'm counting on a Stone IPA and two glasses of red wine to bolster on this one.
[02] Would you do meth if it were legal?
Okay, so I'm leaving this question alone. Answer: Hell, no. Look, folks, it turns out that our bodies run on this not-so-obscure system called bio-chemistry, and one of the things we learn from bio-chem is that some chemicals have addictive properties combined with a healthy dose of tolerance-building, which translates into: you need more and more of the substance to get the same high that you now need unless you want your body to implode. Why go down that path? Caffeine gives you similar energy, modafinil gives you similar endurance, and marijuana gives you a similar euphoria, and the withdrawal symptoms of those are negligible. Skip it.
[03] Do you think it should be illegal for anyone to get an abortion?
No. I think it should be perfectly legal for anyone to get an abortion. I also think that proliferation of condoms and Plan B would go a long way toward people not getting pregnant in the first place. There's an underlying question to this issue for most people, though, and it's down at [7].
[04] Do you think the world would fail with a female president?
Of course not. The gender, race, and sexual orientation of the president should have no impact on the success of the world. We're all human. We all have brains. Get over it.
[05] Do you believe in the death penalty?
Of course. You'd have to be mad to believe that there are people in this world who cannot be kept from doing evil short of putting them out of their misery. What I have a problem with is the current application thereof: witness the case of Troy Davis, recently granted a stay of execution so that the government can look into the case and see if there's any merit here. We have a pretty good system of justice, but it's not 100%, and retributive executions of people who just happened to be convenient do not help. The death penalty should not be handed out as an-eye-for-an-eye but as a means of removing those individuals (serial killers, etc.) who have demonstrated a lack of ability to be civilized.
[06] Should marijuana be legalized?
Certainly. Its addictive qualities are disputed, to say the least, and its health effects are no worse than tobacco and alcohol, two substances we've already legalized. And while we're on it, LSD, DMT, peyote, and mescaline have yet to be shown to have destructive characteristics; instead of criminalizing them, we should be studying them to find out whether they're actually destructive or not. Making them illegal because they're hallucinogens is bunk. Show the damage, or let them go.
[07] Should people have sex before marriage?
Certainly, if they want to. And if they don't want to, they shouldn't. And regardless, they should use condoms and lube, and they should make sure it's all consensual before they get carried away. Consensual sex between adults is good, and it's nobody's business but the two or fifteen people involved and the shop they bought the equipment from.
Here's the thing: most people who think they have a problem with [3] above really have a problem with other people engaging in [7], and the underlying issue here (and subsequently in [9] below) is that people should learn to mind their own fucking business. If you're against premarital sex, don't have it. If you're against abortion, don't have one. Leave the rest of us alone.
[08] Do you believe in God?
No. I believe in you. I believe in me. I believe that together, we're more than the sum of our parts. I believe that together, we, humanity, can make the impossible real. I believe in coincidence, synchronicity, and love. I believe in doing the best we can with the materials at hand and making new materials when those don't work out. On a certain level, that already _is_ God.
[09] Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized?
It already is where I live, and I intend to do my best to make sure it stays that way.
[10] How do you feel about illegal immigration?
My grandfather was an illegal immigrant when he jumped ship from the Danmark in Jacksonville, FL in 1940 and made his way back up to New York to join the Merchant Marines and shepherd supply ships across the U-boat-infested Atlantic. Special circumstances and all that, but still.
Frankly, if we would simply enforce the laws we already have concerning employing illegal immigrants, we wouldn't have the problem we keep pretending we have. And if we had a universal healthcare program, we wouldn't be paying Urgent Care and Emergency Room bills for people who, right now, aren't getting quick and cheap preventatives. Oh, and if we'd scrap our immigration restrictions completely, we could go back to letting the Market determine who gets to work here, wouldn't we? This is a non-issue.
[11] A ridiculous hypothetical arises. Should you rush to judgment even though you have no actual information?
NO, NO, NO. Rather than leading with opinions, we should be leading with questions. That two pounds of grey matter at the top of your spine is not just for generating pig-headed opinions. Ask. Think. Repeat.
[12] Should the drinking age be lowered to eighteen in the United States?
Sure. After all, if you can vote and join the military, you might as well get to enjoy other rights reserved to adults.
[13] Should we pull our troops out of Iraq?
Yes.
[14] Should assisted suicide be made legal?
Yes.
[15] Do you believe in spanking your children?
No, I believe in spanking your children. And you, if you keep living your Jerry Springer lifestyle. I'm looking at you, Sarah.
[16] Should flag-burning be illegal?
Not unless you're doing it indoors without proper fire-fighting equipment and preparation. It's an object. We're adults. We should be able to spot a childish attempt to stir up our emotions when we see one. Get over it.
[17] Who are you voting for in the upcoming US Presidential Election?
Obama. This is a statement of my personal opinion and is in no way a reflection on my place of employment.
[18] Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers?
I wouldn't post them if I was.
[19] A mother is declared innocent after murdering her 5 children in a temporary insanity case...what do you think?
I think you need to read [11] above more carefully. Also, I think that the justice system we have is not perfect, but it contains the seeds of its own reform.
[20] Rehash of [11] with a _dramatic_ twist!
Yeah, I understand. Making up 20 interesting questions is hard. Take a nap.
First, let's tackle question #1, and then we can move on to the meat.
[01] Do you have the guts to answer these questions and re-post as The Controversial Survey?
I double-DOG dare you! Okay, so here's the deal: most of the questions of the so-called "Controversial Survey" are classic examples of push-polling. To hell with that. I've got the guts to re-write the questions in more meaningful ways. And I'm counting on a Stone IPA and two glasses of red wine to bolster on this one.
[02] Would you do meth if it were legal?
Okay, so I'm leaving this question alone. Answer: Hell, no. Look, folks, it turns out that our bodies run on this not-so-obscure system called bio-chemistry, and one of the things we learn from bio-chem is that some chemicals have addictive properties combined with a healthy dose of tolerance-building, which translates into: you need more and more of the substance to get the same high that you now need unless you want your body to implode. Why go down that path? Caffeine gives you similar energy, modafinil gives you similar endurance, and marijuana gives you a similar euphoria, and the withdrawal symptoms of those are negligible. Skip it.
[03] Do you think it should be illegal for anyone to get an abortion?
No. I think it should be perfectly legal for anyone to get an abortion. I also think that proliferation of condoms and Plan B would go a long way toward people not getting pregnant in the first place. There's an underlying question to this issue for most people, though, and it's down at [7].
[04] Do you think the world would fail with a female president?
Of course not. The gender, race, and sexual orientation of the president should have no impact on the success of the world. We're all human. We all have brains. Get over it.
[05] Do you believe in the death penalty?
Of course. You'd have to be mad to believe that there are people in this world who cannot be kept from doing evil short of putting them out of their misery. What I have a problem with is the current application thereof: witness the case of Troy Davis, recently granted a stay of execution so that the government can look into the case and see if there's any merit here. We have a pretty good system of justice, but it's not 100%, and retributive executions of people who just happened to be convenient do not help. The death penalty should not be handed out as an-eye-for-an-eye but as a means of removing those individuals (serial killers, etc.) who have demonstrated a lack of ability to be civilized.
[06] Should marijuana be legalized?
Certainly. Its addictive qualities are disputed, to say the least, and its health effects are no worse than tobacco and alcohol, two substances we've already legalized. And while we're on it, LSD, DMT, peyote, and mescaline have yet to be shown to have destructive characteristics; instead of criminalizing them, we should be studying them to find out whether they're actually destructive or not. Making them illegal because they're hallucinogens is bunk. Show the damage, or let them go.
[07] Should people have sex before marriage?
Certainly, if they want to. And if they don't want to, they shouldn't. And regardless, they should use condoms and lube, and they should make sure it's all consensual before they get carried away. Consensual sex between adults is good, and it's nobody's business but the two or fifteen people involved and the shop they bought the equipment from.
Here's the thing: most people who think they have a problem with [3] above really have a problem with other people engaging in [7], and the underlying issue here (and subsequently in [9] below) is that people should learn to mind their own fucking business. If you're against premarital sex, don't have it. If you're against abortion, don't have one. Leave the rest of us alone.
[08] Do you believe in God?
No. I believe in you. I believe in me. I believe that together, we're more than the sum of our parts. I believe that together, we, humanity, can make the impossible real. I believe in coincidence, synchronicity, and love. I believe in doing the best we can with the materials at hand and making new materials when those don't work out. On a certain level, that already _is_ God.
[09] Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized?
It already is where I live, and I intend to do my best to make sure it stays that way.
[10] How do you feel about illegal immigration?
My grandfather was an illegal immigrant when he jumped ship from the Danmark in Jacksonville, FL in 1940 and made his way back up to New York to join the Merchant Marines and shepherd supply ships across the U-boat-infested Atlantic. Special circumstances and all that, but still.
Frankly, if we would simply enforce the laws we already have concerning employing illegal immigrants, we wouldn't have the problem we keep pretending we have. And if we had a universal healthcare program, we wouldn't be paying Urgent Care and Emergency Room bills for people who, right now, aren't getting quick and cheap preventatives. Oh, and if we'd scrap our immigration restrictions completely, we could go back to letting the Market determine who gets to work here, wouldn't we? This is a non-issue.
[11] A ridiculous hypothetical arises. Should you rush to judgment even though you have no actual information?
NO, NO, NO. Rather than leading with opinions, we should be leading with questions. That two pounds of grey matter at the top of your spine is not just for generating pig-headed opinions. Ask. Think. Repeat.
[12] Should the drinking age be lowered to eighteen in the United States?
Sure. After all, if you can vote and join the military, you might as well get to enjoy other rights reserved to adults.
[13] Should we pull our troops out of Iraq?
Yes.
[14] Should assisted suicide be made legal?
Yes.
[15] Do you believe in spanking your children?
No, I believe in spanking your children. And you, if you keep living your Jerry Springer lifestyle. I'm looking at you, Sarah.
[16] Should flag-burning be illegal?
Not unless you're doing it indoors without proper fire-fighting equipment and preparation. It's an object. We're adults. We should be able to spot a childish attempt to stir up our emotions when we see one. Get over it.
[17] Who are you voting for in the upcoming US Presidential Election?
Obama. This is a statement of my personal opinion and is in no way a reflection on my place of employment.
[18] Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers?
I wouldn't post them if I was.
[19] A mother is declared innocent after murdering her 5 children in a temporary insanity case...what do you think?
I think you need to read [11] above more carefully. Also, I think that the justice system we have is not perfect, but it contains the seeds of its own reform.
[20] Rehash of [11] with a _dramatic_ twist!
Yeah, I understand. Making up 20 interesting questions is hard. Take a nap.