You are in a maze of twisty little terminals, all alike.
Your flight from San Antonio arrives at Dallas-Fort Worth early, despite horrendous turbulence, screeching brakes, and the delayed departure of the airplane sitting at your disembarkation gate. You go up the stairs to the Skylink train, take the train to the gate of a flight leaving earlier than the flight you’re booked on, discover that that flight is full up with a standby list longer than your arm, get back on the train, go the wrong way, get off the train, get on the right train, and finally end up in…
Gate 31 Lounge Area
You are sitting in the Lounge Area for Gate 31. You are surrounded by a sea of drab gray seats with hard plastic arms that make it very hard to lie down and get a nap.
There is a desk to your right, and the shopping concourse is behind you.
Your flight leaves at 8:32.
> Check time.
It’s 6:10 p.m.
> Read.
What would you like to read?
> Read book.
You get out your copy of The Confusion, the second novel in Neal Stephenson’s The Baroque Cycle. It’s a ripping yarn, and you enjoy it thoroughly.
> Check time.
It’s 6:15 p.m.
> Get food.
There is no food here. Perhaps you should go to the shopping concourse.
> Go to the shopping concourse.
Shopping Concourse
You are standing on the shopping concourse, surrounded by overpriced eateries festooned in faux Texan cheer. The Gate 31 Lounge Area is to the south.
> Get food.
You decide to brave the lines in front of the eateries and get a meal. It’s not bad. You have a beer. It’s not bad. You get the bill. They charge $5.15 for a beer. You sigh.
> Shop.
Despite your best efforts, there’s really nothing to buy here but chintzy touristy stuff, and you really can’t muster enough enthusiasm to keep going.
> Check time.
It’s 7:30 p.m.
> Go to Gate 31 Lounge Area.
Gate 31 Lounge Area.
> Read.
What would you like to read?
> Read book.
Stephenson continues to delight you with adventure and economics.
> Read book.
You begin to wish you’d paid more attention during your 17th century European history class. Rather, you begin to wish you’d taken a 17th century European history class.
The American Airlines representative announces that the flight to San Francisco will be delayed until 9:50 because the airplane that has the crew for your flight was two hours late leaving San Francisco.
> Check time.
It’s 7:35 p.m.
The American Airlines representative announces that the flight to San Francisco will more likely depart at ten after ten since there’s no way it will actually arrive here on time.
> Check time.
It’s 7:36 p.m.
> Talk to representative.
The representative is at the desk.
> Go to desk.
Gate 31 Desk for American Airlines
You are standing in front of the check-in desk for Gate 31.
The Gate 31 Lounge Area is on your right.
There is an American Airlines representative standing behind the desk, looking at you.
> Talk to representative.
The representative looks bored.
> Complain to representative.
The representative looks bored.
> Apologize for complaining to representative.
The representative looks bored.
> Go to Lounge Area.
Gate 31 Lounge Area
> Check time.
It’s 7:45 p.m.
> Read.
What do you want to read?
> Read boarding pass.
The boarding pass tells you that your flight departs at 8:32 p.m., thereby demonstrating that it is not made of smart paper. There is legalese on the back.
> Read legalese.
The legalese goes on at length about baggage inspection. A small paragraph on the left reads: “A summary of Terms and Conditions applicable to your travel on American Airlines and affiliated carriers is available at aa.com or on ticket jackets which are available at the airport.
> Read ticket jacket.
You don’t have a ticket jacket.
> Go to desk.
Gate 31 Desk for American Airlines.
There is an American Airlines representative here.
> Ask for ticket jacket.
The representative starts, guiltily, darts his eyes from side to side in a rapid survey of his desk, shuffles over to another desk, gets a ticket jacket from a coworker, and brings it back to you.
> Read ticket jacket.
You’re holding up the line.
> Go to lounge area.
Gate 31 Lounge Area
> Read ticket jacket.
The ticket jacket is full of even more legalese. Your eyes begin to glaze over.
> Read legalese.
No, really, this stuff is putting you to sleep!
> Read legalese.
Okay, fine, but don’t say I didn’t warn you!
The legalese is boring and mostly irrelevant until you get to the end, where you see: “Rights of air carrier and limits on liability for delay or failure to perform service, including schedule changes, substitution of alternate air carriers or aircraft or rerouting. You can obtain additional information at any US location where tickets are sold.”
> Go to desk.
Gate 31 Desk for American Airlines
There is an American Airlines representative here.
> Ask for additional information.
The representative looks guilty again. There is a large line behind you. The representative hands you off to another representative. The other representative types rapidly on a keyboard much like a person in a movie written, directed, and acted by people who do not use computers often.
> Wait.
The other representative types furiously, his fingers never seeming to actually touch the space bar. Or the mouse.
> Wait.
The other representative picks up the phone and says, nonchalantly, “Um, hey, do you know where the Terms and Conditions are?” He gets an answer, types some more, and prints out a dot matrix document several pages in length which he hands to you.
> Go to lounge area.
Gate 31 Lounge Area
> Read terms and conditions.
You’re really trying to kill yourself with boredon, aren’t you?
The Terms and Conditions go on at great length before culminating in: “3. Responsibility for Schedules and Operations: American will endeavor to carry you and your baggage with reasonable dispatch, but times shown in timetables or elsewhere are not guranteed and form no part of this contract. American may, without notice, substitute alternate carriers or aircraft and, if necessary, may alter or omit stopping places shown on the ticket. Schedules are subject to change without notice. American is not responsible for or liable for failure to make connections, or to operate any flight according to schedule, or for a change to the schedule of any flight. Under no circumstances shall American be liable for any special, incidental or consequential damages arising from the foregoing.”
> Check time.
It’s 8:30 p.m.
> Write this up for a livejournal entry later on.
You break out your laptop and start to write. It ends up being much longer than you expected, but by the end you feel much more relaxed and calm about things.
> Check time.
It’s 9:00 p.m.
The American Airlines representative announces that the flight to San Francisco will not depart until at least ten thirty.
> Quit.
Game Over.
You scored 30 out of a possible 100 points, which earns you the title of Infrequent Flier.
Gate 31 Lounge Area
You are sitting in the Lounge Area for Gate 31. You are surrounded by a sea of drab gray seats with hard plastic arms that make it very hard to lie down and get a nap.
There is a desk to your right, and the shopping concourse is behind you.
Your flight leaves at 8:32.
> Check time.
It’s 6:10 p.m.
> Read.
What would you like to read?
> Read book.
You get out your copy of The Confusion, the second novel in Neal Stephenson’s The Baroque Cycle. It’s a ripping yarn, and you enjoy it thoroughly.
> Check time.
It’s 6:15 p.m.
> Get food.
There is no food here. Perhaps you should go to the shopping concourse.
> Go to the shopping concourse.
Shopping Concourse
You are standing on the shopping concourse, surrounded by overpriced eateries festooned in faux Texan cheer. The Gate 31 Lounge Area is to the south.
> Get food.
You decide to brave the lines in front of the eateries and get a meal. It’s not bad. You have a beer. It’s not bad. You get the bill. They charge $5.15 for a beer. You sigh.
> Shop.
Despite your best efforts, there’s really nothing to buy here but chintzy touristy stuff, and you really can’t muster enough enthusiasm to keep going.
> Check time.
It’s 7:30 p.m.
> Go to Gate 31 Lounge Area.
Gate 31 Lounge Area.
> Read.
What would you like to read?
> Read book.
Stephenson continues to delight you with adventure and economics.
> Read book.
You begin to wish you’d paid more attention during your 17th century European history class. Rather, you begin to wish you’d taken a 17th century European history class.
The American Airlines representative announces that the flight to San Francisco will be delayed until 9:50 because the airplane that has the crew for your flight was two hours late leaving San Francisco.
> Check time.
It’s 7:35 p.m.
The American Airlines representative announces that the flight to San Francisco will more likely depart at ten after ten since there’s no way it will actually arrive here on time.
> Check time.
It’s 7:36 p.m.
> Talk to representative.
The representative is at the desk.
> Go to desk.
Gate 31 Desk for American Airlines
You are standing in front of the check-in desk for Gate 31.
The Gate 31 Lounge Area is on your right.
There is an American Airlines representative standing behind the desk, looking at you.
> Talk to representative.
The representative looks bored.
> Complain to representative.
The representative looks bored.
> Apologize for complaining to representative.
The representative looks bored.
> Go to Lounge Area.
Gate 31 Lounge Area
> Check time.
It’s 7:45 p.m.
> Read.
What do you want to read?
> Read boarding pass.
The boarding pass tells you that your flight departs at 8:32 p.m., thereby demonstrating that it is not made of smart paper. There is legalese on the back.
> Read legalese.
The legalese goes on at length about baggage inspection. A small paragraph on the left reads: “A summary of Terms and Conditions applicable to your travel on American Airlines and affiliated carriers is available at aa.com or on ticket jackets which are available at the airport.
> Read ticket jacket.
You don’t have a ticket jacket.
> Go to desk.
Gate 31 Desk for American Airlines.
There is an American Airlines representative here.
> Ask for ticket jacket.
The representative starts, guiltily, darts his eyes from side to side in a rapid survey of his desk, shuffles over to another desk, gets a ticket jacket from a coworker, and brings it back to you.
> Read ticket jacket.
You’re holding up the line.
> Go to lounge area.
Gate 31 Lounge Area
> Read ticket jacket.
The ticket jacket is full of even more legalese. Your eyes begin to glaze over.
> Read legalese.
No, really, this stuff is putting you to sleep!
> Read legalese.
Okay, fine, but don’t say I didn’t warn you!
The legalese is boring and mostly irrelevant until you get to the end, where you see: “Rights of air carrier and limits on liability for delay or failure to perform service, including schedule changes, substitution of alternate air carriers or aircraft or rerouting. You can obtain additional information at any US location where tickets are sold.”
> Go to desk.
Gate 31 Desk for American Airlines
There is an American Airlines representative here.
> Ask for additional information.
The representative looks guilty again. There is a large line behind you. The representative hands you off to another representative. The other representative types rapidly on a keyboard much like a person in a movie written, directed, and acted by people who do not use computers often.
> Wait.
The other representative types furiously, his fingers never seeming to actually touch the space bar. Or the mouse.
> Wait.
The other representative picks up the phone and says, nonchalantly, “Um, hey, do you know where the Terms and Conditions are?” He gets an answer, types some more, and prints out a dot matrix document several pages in length which he hands to you.
> Go to lounge area.
Gate 31 Lounge Area
> Read terms and conditions.
You’re really trying to kill yourself with boredon, aren’t you?
The Terms and Conditions go on at great length before culminating in: “3. Responsibility for Schedules and Operations: American will endeavor to carry you and your baggage with reasonable dispatch, but times shown in timetables or elsewhere are not guranteed and form no part of this contract. American may, without notice, substitute alternate carriers or aircraft and, if necessary, may alter or omit stopping places shown on the ticket. Schedules are subject to change without notice. American is not responsible for or liable for failure to make connections, or to operate any flight according to schedule, or for a change to the schedule of any flight. Under no circumstances shall American be liable for any special, incidental or consequential damages arising from the foregoing.”
> Check time.
It’s 8:30 p.m.
> Write this up for a livejournal entry later on.
You break out your laptop and start to write. It ends up being much longer than you expected, but by the end you feel much more relaxed and calm about things.
> Check time.
It’s 9:00 p.m.
The American Airlines representative announces that the flight to San Francisco will not depart until at least ten thirty.
> Quit.
Game Over.
You scored 30 out of a possible 100 points, which earns you the title of Infrequent Flier.