I don't know what I'm feeling at all
Joe and Will broke up. It makes me sad. I was very happy for them. Honestly. Thus I don't understand my feelings right now. I don't want to have sex with Joe. I don't want to date Joe. I'd be lying if I said that some small part of me would not want to date Will (you know, that really small part that inhabits that one shelf way off in the back of my head on the left, out of the way of everything else). But I doubt it could ever work. Hence why that part is small and shelved. Do I want to have sex with Will? I really couldn't say. While in the past, the answer was "All he has to do is ask." I am not so sure of what I would do now. I think I would react in a certain way that I will have detailed in a private entry. I really value Will as a friend. I enjoy being around him and talking with him makes me feel better about things.
I don't know where I'm going with this, I really don't. I just...don't know what to feel.
I met this guy online, Marshall. He seems like a really cool guy and am looking forward to meeting him when I go out there for the summer.
My problem I suppose is that I am almost jealous of Joe. Right now in my life, I am a coward. I am not looking to take charge of my life, I want some kind of outside influence to give me some kind of direction; I want a direction that I haven't thought of. I want something spontaneous and new. And in that regard, the opportunity to drop everything, school, and all that crap and just move somewhere to be with someone...I was jealous of that. I would have said yes; but that's me. The problem I am going to soon be facing is that very soon, I am going to have to not be hoping and waiting for that kind of outside influence to help me decide my future. I am going to have to decide for myself; I'm going to have to be selfish. And I don't want to be.
I don't know how I am feeling.
I don't know where I'm going with this, I really don't. I just...don't know what to feel.
I met this guy online, Marshall. He seems like a really cool guy and am looking forward to meeting him when I go out there for the summer.
My problem I suppose is that I am almost jealous of Joe. Right now in my life, I am a coward. I am not looking to take charge of my life, I want some kind of outside influence to give me some kind of direction; I want a direction that I haven't thought of. I want something spontaneous and new. And in that regard, the opportunity to drop everything, school, and all that crap and just move somewhere to be with someone...I was jealous of that. I would have said yes; but that's me. The problem I am going to soon be facing is that very soon, I am going to have to not be hoping and waiting for that kind of outside influence to help me decide my future. I am going to have to decide for myself; I'm going to have to be selfish. And I don't want to be.
I don't know how I am feeling.