(no subject)
I don't think I've ever been as stressed out as I am right now. I don't even feel like myself. I don't feel like my life is my life. I feel like I'm someone else or I'm somewhere else. I do not feel good. Nausea will not cease. The homework does not end. I want my life to change asap. And it seems like that's all I can really say. I don't have the means to actually make it change...so I continue to just go on with my daily tasks and wait for natural change to occur. And all the while, it sickens me. I've began to question everything around me. The only thing I like is God. I love God. The only thing I have any positive feelings for is God. I am sick of school, sick of my job, slightly irritated with most of my friends for something they did not even do, sick of apartment situation. I believe the end of this semester will bring about some relief. When school is out, I can devote time to job-searching. When the semester ends, I can get the hell up outta this apartment that I've grown to hate. I feel 100% detached from all my surroundings. This desk does not seem like mine. My bed does not have its familiar comfort. So many people are in and out of my bathroom lately that I do not feel that it's mine anymore. Even driving my car feels weird. I feel like I'm just a blob, moving from place to place doing my homework. I still have thoughts and feelings, but I do not feel any sort of connectedness to any of my surroundings. Like I told Keith earlier, "Maybe if somebody got raped, I might care." How terrible is that? What's really messed up is that I meant that. I don't care about anything going on around me. All of my comfort levels have been torn down, everything feels strange to me, nothing is familiar anymore. I know that God is doing something with me and whatever it is, I know it's for the glory of His kingdom...I just hope He works it out quick.