How to Trim Your Friends List (Christopher Lao edition)
Have too many friends? See a lot of junk or me-too posts in Facebook and want to cut down on the spam? Worried that people might be spreading junk about you or backstabbing you, or afraid that your friends (or friends of friends) will harass you to no end if you were caught on video doing something stupid? Fear not, uninformed one, for this handy guide will help you quickly trim down your friends list using just one simple metric:
Their reaction to the Christopher Lao meme!
And trust me, one metric is enough -- apparently it is possible to draw conclusions about a person from a single thing that they did! Just ask any Chris Lao hater!
Look at your friends' posts that mention Christopher Lao, and see which category they belong to. Then just follow the recommendation within that category!
CATEGORY 1: CHRIS LAO REPOST, WITH CUSS WORDS (E.G. "BOBO", "TANGA")
These are the people who simply reposted the video without really putting in any commentary, simply because they found it funny. Additionally, the accompanying video description is the one that mercilessly chastises Lao's reaction by calling him stupid and other names.
Recommendation: If you don't mind being called "bobo" or "tanga" behind your back by the same set of people, keep them. Otherwise, feel free to delete or hide.
CATEGORY 2: CHRIS LAO REPOST, WITHOUT CUSS WORDS
These are the people who blindly shared the video because it was trending on the internet. The early versions of the viral video had the cuss words, but thankfully some well-meaning netizens deleted the words either because they're NSFW and wanted to share it during work (which is a bad thing), or because they simply don't like the foul language (which is a good thing), but you'll never know which.
Recommendation: They are fair-weather friends. Keep them, but be wary; they may or may not be dependable. After all, they just click and share posts without really thinking. You can probably put them in a different FB group in case you don't want to read through lots of spam on your wall.
CATEGORY 3: CHRIS LAO DEFENDER ("SOBRA NAMAN NA...")
These are the people who really read and think about other people's posts. They don't want spam on their facebook page. They call other people on mistakes--they don't necessarily want to judge you, they are probably just annoyed that multiple copies of the video are filling their facebook pages without any important reason.
Recommendation: They are dependable friends. Definitely keep them. Most likely, they don't tolerate the click-before-you-think mentality of the masses and would engage you in debate simply because they want to compare merits and disadvantages in everything, which is ALWAYS a good thing. More importantly, if someone else trolls you, they will rush to your rescue.
CATEGORY 4: CHRIS LAO DISSER ("HE DESERVED IT! YUN NA!")
These are also people who think about other people's posts. However, because they laughed at (or maybe even reposted) the original video, their urgent Schadenfreude tendencies took over and tried to rationalize WHY they laughed. They won't admit to laughing simply to the stupidity of Lao driving head-on into the flood (no, that would have been too crass and would betray their Schadenfreude), but they will reason out that it is because Lao was REALLY OBNOXIOUS and ARROGANT despite his own stupidity, never mind that he was so stressed and drenched at the time that even his nipples are showing through his wet shirt (as one page has painfully made me aware).
Recommendation***: Warning! These people have an above-average tendency to backstab you; their demeanor towards a stranger tells you enough. (Yep, it does! Just ask the dissers themselves.) No one is in his/her best behavior at all times, and you will be sorry if any one of these people sees you cuss and threaten away at a street beggar when they wipe their rags on your car windshield. (Never mind that your windshield really WAS getting scratched! Bwiset!) Thankfully, they won't really make you aware that they laugh at your every mistake (see the next category), so it's still up to you whether you want to keep them. Just don't say I didn't inform you.
CATEGORY 5: CHRIS LAO HATER
Ahh, the cream of the crop -- rancid sour cream, that is. "Sour" really is the best word to describe them -- they disagree at every valid excuse for Chris Lao's bad behavior, simply because "they saw the video and thought he was really OBNOXIOUS and ARROGANT", no other evidence required. They will even go to the Chris Lao hate pages on Facebook to spread their venom -- often using the same cuss words that accompany the original hater video. Heck, they probably WERE the ones who distributed the original viral videos with the cuss words. They don't even bother to hide their Schadenfreude and say the CLASSIEST things that are NOT obnoxious and arrogant at all, like "chinky four-eyed sunavabitch, he deserves it, may pa-kotse-kotse pa kasi siya sa baha eh (hindi ako inggit ah, no way!)". Most of all, they subscribe to the same mentality as other internet trolls -- their opinions are NOT up for debate, and everyone who debates with them automatically LOSES the debate according to the rules of the internets. (The rule never applies to themselves, of course!)
Recommendation: Unfriend. Immediately. They will definitely harass you and bully you as soon as you do something that offends them in the slightest way. They will even make other people hunt down your Facebook page, and the sheer amount of anonymous posts will force you to close down your page and write an apology letter to the whole internets for shouting at the street beggar. (No, don't even MENTION the scratch on your windshield. You'll be sorry.)
(CATEGORY 0: NO POST ABOUT CHRIS LAO)
What do you do with those who did not post about Chris Lao at all? Well, keep them for now. After all, they may not care, are silently Category 3 but prefer not to add to the spam, or (ahem) have not been informed.
So, there you have it. In just a few minutes, you will have your friends list trimmed down in half, with the added advantage of saving you the grief of dealing with people who will unfriend you in the future anyway (because you are not cool like them, you're a crybaby, cry, bitch, cry). This will, hopefully, also save you from seeing more of these viral hate videos in the future.
=======
***Advanced-level recommendation for Category 4 friends: If you really want to, you can post a "devil's advocate" argument on their post, arguing why Chris Lao doesn't deserve it. But be careful! Don't make any insults! Just point out that their assumption on Chris Lao's character isn't right; link to one of the increasingly many testimonials from people who do know Chris Lao, if you can.
If the poster is sane, they will develop their argument further. And if you find out that their reason ultimately boils down to asserting freedom-of-speech AND that they do not mean to assassinate Chris Lao's character at all (but condemn the bad behavior), then they're really at an acceptable level of Category 4 -- they just had the same lapse of judgment as Chris Lao did, not really thinking that broadcasting "he deserved it" actually feeds and encourages the behavior of people in Category 5.
Remember, only try this tactic if (1) you are ready to develop a strong argument, or as trolls-pretending-to-be-otherwise like to call it, "descend the bowels of internet hell", and (2) you are confident that you won't gain an actual backstabber. Some people might even escalate to Category 5 (even if the arguments they are going against are those of a former dean of a law school), so be very, very careful.
DISCLAIMER: If you're *really* going to trim your friends list using my silly advice, don't blame me if anything goes wrong real-life-wise. This post is not backed up by any research whatsoever, and are mere personal opinions. You may not sue me, dig up dirt on me, whatever. And if you do: I am a staunch Category 3 with a tinge of Reverse-Category 5. You have been informed.
Their reaction to the Christopher Lao meme!
And trust me, one metric is enough -- apparently it is possible to draw conclusions about a person from a single thing that they did! Just ask any Chris Lao hater!
Look at your friends' posts that mention Christopher Lao, and see which category they belong to. Then just follow the recommendation within that category!
CATEGORY 1: CHRIS LAO REPOST, WITH CUSS WORDS (E.G. "BOBO", "TANGA")
These are the people who simply reposted the video without really putting in any commentary, simply because they found it funny. Additionally, the accompanying video description is the one that mercilessly chastises Lao's reaction by calling him stupid and other names.
Recommendation: If you don't mind being called "bobo" or "tanga" behind your back by the same set of people, keep them. Otherwise, feel free to delete or hide.
CATEGORY 2: CHRIS LAO REPOST, WITHOUT CUSS WORDS
These are the people who blindly shared the video because it was trending on the internet. The early versions of the viral video had the cuss words, but thankfully some well-meaning netizens deleted the words either because they're NSFW and wanted to share it during work (which is a bad thing), or because they simply don't like the foul language (which is a good thing), but you'll never know which.
Recommendation: They are fair-weather friends. Keep them, but be wary; they may or may not be dependable. After all, they just click and share posts without really thinking. You can probably put them in a different FB group in case you don't want to read through lots of spam on your wall.
CATEGORY 3: CHRIS LAO DEFENDER ("SOBRA NAMAN NA...")
These are the people who really read and think about other people's posts. They don't want spam on their facebook page. They call other people on mistakes--they don't necessarily want to judge you, they are probably just annoyed that multiple copies of the video are filling their facebook pages without any important reason.
Recommendation: They are dependable friends. Definitely keep them. Most likely, they don't tolerate the click-before-you-think mentality of the masses and would engage you in debate simply because they want to compare merits and disadvantages in everything, which is ALWAYS a good thing. More importantly, if someone else trolls you, they will rush to your rescue.
CATEGORY 4: CHRIS LAO DISSER ("HE DESERVED IT! YUN NA!")
These are also people who think about other people's posts. However, because they laughed at (or maybe even reposted) the original video, their urgent Schadenfreude tendencies took over and tried to rationalize WHY they laughed. They won't admit to laughing simply to the stupidity of Lao driving head-on into the flood (no, that would have been too crass and would betray their Schadenfreude), but they will reason out that it is because Lao was REALLY OBNOXIOUS and ARROGANT despite his own stupidity, never mind that he was so stressed and drenched at the time that even his nipples are showing through his wet shirt (as one page has painfully made me aware).
Recommendation***: Warning! These people have an above-average tendency to backstab you; their demeanor towards a stranger tells you enough. (Yep, it does! Just ask the dissers themselves.) No one is in his/her best behavior at all times, and you will be sorry if any one of these people sees you cuss and threaten away at a street beggar when they wipe their rags on your car windshield. (Never mind that your windshield really WAS getting scratched! Bwiset!) Thankfully, they won't really make you aware that they laugh at your every mistake (see the next category), so it's still up to you whether you want to keep them. Just don't say I didn't inform you.
CATEGORY 5: CHRIS LAO HATER
Ahh, the cream of the crop -- rancid sour cream, that is. "Sour" really is the best word to describe them -- they disagree at every valid excuse for Chris Lao's bad behavior, simply because "they saw the video and thought he was really OBNOXIOUS and ARROGANT", no other evidence required. They will even go to the Chris Lao hate pages on Facebook to spread their venom -- often using the same cuss words that accompany the original hater video. Heck, they probably WERE the ones who distributed the original viral videos with the cuss words. They don't even bother to hide their Schadenfreude and say the CLASSIEST things that are NOT obnoxious and arrogant at all, like "chinky four-eyed sunavabitch, he deserves it, may pa-kotse-kotse pa kasi siya sa baha eh (hindi ako inggit ah, no way!)". Most of all, they subscribe to the same mentality as other internet trolls -- their opinions are NOT up for debate, and everyone who debates with them automatically LOSES the debate according to the rules of the internets. (The rule never applies to themselves, of course!)
Recommendation: Unfriend. Immediately. They will definitely harass you and bully you as soon as you do something that offends them in the slightest way. They will even make other people hunt down your Facebook page, and the sheer amount of anonymous posts will force you to close down your page and write an apology letter to the whole internets for shouting at the street beggar. (No, don't even MENTION the scratch on your windshield. You'll be sorry.)
(CATEGORY 0: NO POST ABOUT CHRIS LAO)
What do you do with those who did not post about Chris Lao at all? Well, keep them for now. After all, they may not care, are silently Category 3 but prefer not to add to the spam, or (ahem) have not been informed.
So, there you have it. In just a few minutes, you will have your friends list trimmed down in half, with the added advantage of saving you the grief of dealing with people who will unfriend you in the future anyway (because you are not cool like them, you're a crybaby, cry, bitch, cry). This will, hopefully, also save you from seeing more of these viral hate videos in the future.
=======
***Advanced-level recommendation for Category 4 friends: If you really want to, you can post a "devil's advocate" argument on their post, arguing why Chris Lao doesn't deserve it. But be careful! Don't make any insults! Just point out that their assumption on Chris Lao's character isn't right; link to one of the increasingly many testimonials from people who do know Chris Lao, if you can.
If the poster is sane, they will develop their argument further. And if you find out that their reason ultimately boils down to asserting freedom-of-speech AND that they do not mean to assassinate Chris Lao's character at all (but condemn the bad behavior), then they're really at an acceptable level of Category 4 -- they just had the same lapse of judgment as Chris Lao did, not really thinking that broadcasting "he deserved it" actually feeds and encourages the behavior of people in Category 5.
Remember, only try this tactic if (1) you are ready to develop a strong argument, or as trolls-pretending-to-be-otherwise like to call it, "descend the bowels of internet hell", and (2) you are confident that you won't gain an actual backstabber. Some people might even escalate to Category 5 (even if the arguments they are going against are those of a former dean of a law school), so be very, very careful.
DISCLAIMER: If you're *really* going to trim your friends list using my silly advice, don't blame me if anything goes wrong real-life-wise. This post is not backed up by any research whatsoever, and are mere personal opinions. You may not sue me, dig up dirt on me, whatever. And if you do: I am a staunch Category 3 with a tinge of Reverse-Category 5. You have been informed.