hi people
just thought i would take a moment to post my latest blog from my myspace page.
take a minute and read if you can.
over the past several months many things have changed in my life. many things have changed me. many people have come, some have gone, but in the end i have learned a valuable lesson about people over the past 4 years of my life. most people don't know what they want in life. some cannot even make decisions for themselves. i know i am still young. i know i still have a lifetime of learning. i know there is so much knowlege out there for me to gain, yet at this point in my life, i feel i am much farther in the game of life. at least farther than most people my age. granted i still make unwise choices, and i still have my faults, but i still feel like i am much more mature than most i encounter my age. it might just be that i am very well balanced, i know how to party, how to have fun, how to let loose, how to live on the edge, but in the same, i know what i want in life, i know where i want to go, what i look forward to, what i dream of, and i also know reality.
i know what i want for myself in 5 years. in 15 years. in 30 years. weather i make those goals or not, it's the strive for those goals that i feel i have a gain on. i feel very confident in what i do. i have such a drive to always do more than what is given to me. i spend countless hours a year doing volunteer work for different programs supporting Susand G. Komen and Children's Healthcare of Atlanta. Still that never seems enough in my mind. I have such a drive to want to make a bigger impact. I love planning things, doing things, setting up things, making things happen. I really would love to end up in a job where i head up huge event planning or something more interactive with the public.
this is a lot of jabber i know. but i can't help but feel this way. i really hope that over my lifetime that i inspire others to go out and do more. more for themselves. more for others. to never settle. to be happy with what you have in life, but also to want more. it is that want that brings out our true character. our true abilities in life. shows us what we really can do. to me that is what life is all about. pushing yourself to dream the dream, to fight the fight, to live the life.
over the past 4 years i have let myself follow what i thought was love for another. in that i convinced myself that this was meant to be, that life was set, there was a future, no looking back. both times i have come to realize that no matter what you think, your hopes and dreams can crash in a heartbeat. things you thought were meant to be, just were not. people you thought were something turned out not quite what you believed. many people lie, cheat, and just in general do not have appreciation for who is in their life. this part we cannot control. but there is something we can control. no matter how immature others around you tend to be, no matter what is said or done, YOU OWN YOUR DESTINY. you may not be able to have the deciding factor in where you end up when you die, weather it be heaven, hell, or another life depending on what you believe, but you can choose what you do to get there. You decide your accomplishments. You decide weather to sit and hide in the corner be sad about something bad in your life, or something someone did to hurt you. You can choose to stand up for yourself, take a deep breath and take life head-on.
Lately i have seen so many people being careless with their relationships. Cheating, lying, hiding secrets. I can honestly say that i have never lied about my relationship with someone. I have been honest through and throughout. Even though i have been hurt miserably time after time i chose to move on. All of this comes down to my feelings about wanting to be with someone lately. I have decided that that is not something that i want part of my life right now. I have to many asperations, goals, and simply enjoying life and the people i meet. I simply cannot deal with people who are too immature for their own good. People who can't even keep their own lives together. I don't have time for it. I am at a point where i feel i can be happier at life knowing i have no one to answer to. No one to stop me from what i enjoy most. No one to change me, lie to me, cheat on me. Although many of you are reading this and thinking, god that is really sad. Don't get me wrong when i say i know there are good people out there and i know that i should not let my past experiences shut me down inside. And believe me it is NOT that. I feel i put a lot out there in life for my friends and family. It simply takes too much out of me to go through time and time again of hurt and pain of not understanding why people can abuse my friendship and love that i extend to them. I just have to focus on myself and getting me to my goals, and pray that one day, when that someone is ready, i will meet them at timing that is right in my life and a future of love, honesty, and passion will begin in a new chapter in my life.
I hope something i have said sparks something in you. I hope one thing can inspire you to do more for yourself. Time and time again we all loose focus of what we are here for. Why we live. Do you want to look back on your life thinking, what did i do, who did i impact, what was the meaning of my life?
Please i would love to see your thoughts on this. It has been on my mind a lot lately. Sad times, happy times, it is what it is and i would not be typing this for you to see if it was not important to me.
au revior, ~ mask
take a minute and read if you can.
over the past several months many things have changed in my life. many things have changed me. many people have come, some have gone, but in the end i have learned a valuable lesson about people over the past 4 years of my life. most people don't know what they want in life. some cannot even make decisions for themselves. i know i am still young. i know i still have a lifetime of learning. i know there is so much knowlege out there for me to gain, yet at this point in my life, i feel i am much farther in the game of life. at least farther than most people my age. granted i still make unwise choices, and i still have my faults, but i still feel like i am much more mature than most i encounter my age. it might just be that i am very well balanced, i know how to party, how to have fun, how to let loose, how to live on the edge, but in the same, i know what i want in life, i know where i want to go, what i look forward to, what i dream of, and i also know reality.
i know what i want for myself in 5 years. in 15 years. in 30 years. weather i make those goals or not, it's the strive for those goals that i feel i have a gain on. i feel very confident in what i do. i have such a drive to always do more than what is given to me. i spend countless hours a year doing volunteer work for different programs supporting Susand G. Komen and Children's Healthcare of Atlanta. Still that never seems enough in my mind. I have such a drive to want to make a bigger impact. I love planning things, doing things, setting up things, making things happen. I really would love to end up in a job where i head up huge event planning or something more interactive with the public.
this is a lot of jabber i know. but i can't help but feel this way. i really hope that over my lifetime that i inspire others to go out and do more. more for themselves. more for others. to never settle. to be happy with what you have in life, but also to want more. it is that want that brings out our true character. our true abilities in life. shows us what we really can do. to me that is what life is all about. pushing yourself to dream the dream, to fight the fight, to live the life.
over the past 4 years i have let myself follow what i thought was love for another. in that i convinced myself that this was meant to be, that life was set, there was a future, no looking back. both times i have come to realize that no matter what you think, your hopes and dreams can crash in a heartbeat. things you thought were meant to be, just were not. people you thought were something turned out not quite what you believed. many people lie, cheat, and just in general do not have appreciation for who is in their life. this part we cannot control. but there is something we can control. no matter how immature others around you tend to be, no matter what is said or done, YOU OWN YOUR DESTINY. you may not be able to have the deciding factor in where you end up when you die, weather it be heaven, hell, or another life depending on what you believe, but you can choose what you do to get there. You decide your accomplishments. You decide weather to sit and hide in the corner be sad about something bad in your life, or something someone did to hurt you. You can choose to stand up for yourself, take a deep breath and take life head-on.
Lately i have seen so many people being careless with their relationships. Cheating, lying, hiding secrets. I can honestly say that i have never lied about my relationship with someone. I have been honest through and throughout. Even though i have been hurt miserably time after time i chose to move on. All of this comes down to my feelings about wanting to be with someone lately. I have decided that that is not something that i want part of my life right now. I have to many asperations, goals, and simply enjoying life and the people i meet. I simply cannot deal with people who are too immature for their own good. People who can't even keep their own lives together. I don't have time for it. I am at a point where i feel i can be happier at life knowing i have no one to answer to. No one to stop me from what i enjoy most. No one to change me, lie to me, cheat on me. Although many of you are reading this and thinking, god that is really sad. Don't get me wrong when i say i know there are good people out there and i know that i should not let my past experiences shut me down inside. And believe me it is NOT that. I feel i put a lot out there in life for my friends and family. It simply takes too much out of me to go through time and time again of hurt and pain of not understanding why people can abuse my friendship and love that i extend to them. I just have to focus on myself and getting me to my goals, and pray that one day, when that someone is ready, i will meet them at timing that is right in my life and a future of love, honesty, and passion will begin in a new chapter in my life.
I hope something i have said sparks something in you. I hope one thing can inspire you to do more for yourself. Time and time again we all loose focus of what we are here for. Why we live. Do you want to look back on your life thinking, what did i do, who did i impact, what was the meaning of my life?
Please i would love to see your thoughts on this. It has been on my mind a lot lately. Sad times, happy times, it is what it is and i would not be typing this for you to see if it was not important to me.
au revior, ~ mask