(no subject)
Well, I've just returned from my audition and about twenty-six hours spent with Forest, who I stayed with. I think the audition went well, though one can never tell. Forest told me something that I was not aware of. Something that sent me sputtering and stuttering for quite a while. I am amazed at the tenacity of that boy. I still do not know how I feel about it. Aside from that, I had a very pleasant time that I'll detail later (I need to get up early tomorrow)
What I really want to talk about now is my attraction to this particular picture of Virginia Woolf.
http://www.nypl.org/research/chss/spe/brg/images/woolf.jpg
I can't get it up on the journal, but go to this website and look.
The first thing that strikes me is that apart from the nose, she really reminds me of Elise. (A girl I was interested in for a while, who was also interested in me. Time passed, we both lost it, and now are just friends. There was no passion/chemistry between us, just great conversation, we'd sit talking for hours, so engaged in what we were saying that we had little thought to engage each other. So odd how it works that way.) Yes, reminds me of Elise, but that's really not it.
She's a great writer and aren't all artists ten times more attractive when you love their work. I remember reading The Kitchen God's Wife, and repeatedly flipping to the back inside cover for a glimpse of an awkward, but lovely photo of Amy Tan. That's not it either.
What I think it is is what I'll call tender imperfection. She has a lot of that "traditional beauty" the fair skin, gentle bones, wide eyes, but mixed with that is a beauty that is not accepted. I can only speak for myself, but I feel that from an early age we are consistently presented with an image of "Perfect Beauty" especially in women. It is so difficult to throw this out. There is a fixed image in our heads of what beauty looks like and everyone is measured up to this. Ghastly. I spend a lot of my time trying to deprogram myself from this way of thinking.
Therefore, what I find most attractive in Virginia is her hair. Notice, it's dry, there are little fly aways, see how her hair is limp and the bun loosely sags. This is incredibly exciting to me. This is hair at its loveliest. This is why I hate proms and other formal events. Every girl gets her hair "done" and in doing so separates it from herself. It is not to be touched. The same with their make-up, not to be kissed. Their dress, not to be rumpled. A body divided.
See her nose. Now famous as a prosthetic on Kidman, many say it made her less attractive. Fudge to that. Though a large nose is not always flattering, on Virginia it is lovely. Smooth and bold, it makes her face even more penetrating.
The lips. How delicate and calm. A sign of well measured and elegant speech.
The jaw bone. Swooping up underneath fair skin.
Most really, the neck. Do you detect a certain tension in her shoulders? A discomfort? This uneasiness flows up her neck, slight and round. See the tiny bump in her throat? On a girl, my favorite place has always been the back of the neck. Seeing this picture I can't help but wonder how my fingers would feel gently running its length, feeling the soft skin as the tension melted away, and being tickled by the few stray hairs hanging down.
Something else. Her Sadness. To quote Sondheim "Sadness can be seductive." I wonder why. Do I desire to make her happy? In her do I recognize my own sadness?
I realize all this may seem strange, (my elaborate attraction to a half-century old picture,) but it strikes me each morning, as I enter AP Lit. This is merely my attempt to understand why.
Still not quite sure.
What I really want to talk about now is my attraction to this particular picture of Virginia Woolf.
http://www.nypl.org/research/chss/spe/brg/images/woolf.jpg
I can't get it up on the journal, but go to this website and look.
The first thing that strikes me is that apart from the nose, she really reminds me of Elise. (A girl I was interested in for a while, who was also interested in me. Time passed, we both lost it, and now are just friends. There was no passion/chemistry between us, just great conversation, we'd sit talking for hours, so engaged in what we were saying that we had little thought to engage each other. So odd how it works that way.) Yes, reminds me of Elise, but that's really not it.
She's a great writer and aren't all artists ten times more attractive when you love their work. I remember reading The Kitchen God's Wife, and repeatedly flipping to the back inside cover for a glimpse of an awkward, but lovely photo of Amy Tan. That's not it either.
What I think it is is what I'll call tender imperfection. She has a lot of that "traditional beauty" the fair skin, gentle bones, wide eyes, but mixed with that is a beauty that is not accepted. I can only speak for myself, but I feel that from an early age we are consistently presented with an image of "Perfect Beauty" especially in women. It is so difficult to throw this out. There is a fixed image in our heads of what beauty looks like and everyone is measured up to this. Ghastly. I spend a lot of my time trying to deprogram myself from this way of thinking.
Therefore, what I find most attractive in Virginia is her hair. Notice, it's dry, there are little fly aways, see how her hair is limp and the bun loosely sags. This is incredibly exciting to me. This is hair at its loveliest. This is why I hate proms and other formal events. Every girl gets her hair "done" and in doing so separates it from herself. It is not to be touched. The same with their make-up, not to be kissed. Their dress, not to be rumpled. A body divided.
See her nose. Now famous as a prosthetic on Kidman, many say it made her less attractive. Fudge to that. Though a large nose is not always flattering, on Virginia it is lovely. Smooth and bold, it makes her face even more penetrating.
The lips. How delicate and calm. A sign of well measured and elegant speech.
The jaw bone. Swooping up underneath fair skin.
Most really, the neck. Do you detect a certain tension in her shoulders? A discomfort? This uneasiness flows up her neck, slight and round. See the tiny bump in her throat? On a girl, my favorite place has always been the back of the neck. Seeing this picture I can't help but wonder how my fingers would feel gently running its length, feeling the soft skin as the tension melted away, and being tickled by the few stray hairs hanging down.
Something else. Her Sadness. To quote Sondheim "Sadness can be seductive." I wonder why. Do I desire to make her happy? In her do I recognize my own sadness?
I realize all this may seem strange, (my elaborate attraction to a half-century old picture,) but it strikes me each morning, as I enter AP Lit. This is merely my attempt to understand why.
Still not quite sure.