The Will to Be Myself

[ericjherboso]

The class was an utter disappointment. I had had such high hopes for that class. Every time a new semester begins, I always find myself optimistic that this time I will find the class that turns everything around for me. Every time, I fool myself into believing that I've finally reached that point in my academic career where I will find a class

Comments

[picarpo]

Like you were, I was trying to justify my intrinsic personal dispositions, and decided not to consider both sides of the argument in order to make the strongest case I could in favour of my situation. In fact I'm not sure exactly where I stand on my ability to change mindsets. I agree that it does in a sense give me a weaker sense of self, since I change more often (than say you). This bothers me especially when I feel I don't have control over my changing mindset. For example, I unconsciously limp when I go to the washroom in the middle of watching an episode of House. (In case you don't know, the protagonist, Dr. House, has a limp.) While this is by itself more amusing than a serious concern, it is concerning how much I may be imitating people with whom I interact without noticing it. At the moment I'm trying to do things moment by moment that I approve of, not necessarily what subconsciously feels natural.

However one benefit of this is that I am able to assimilate certain mannerisms and gestures that I appreciate in others into my own personality. I suspect I do this a lot subconsciously, but probably still to a net benefit, since I generally assimilate only things I approve of. (I also assimilate things from people if I see them a lot, which incidentally is not good considering I am majoring in Pure Math.) Now that I come to think of it this is precisely how I imagine a young child develops. I'm sure most people retain this ability to some extent so perhaps I am vain to think myself unique.

To continue my argument from last post: I meant that in most cases I don't see a "right" action. I find this view to be necessary for any practical moral system, since in any given time interval we complete infinitely many actions, not all of which we can consciously know are right. Thus I feel that I should choose only some finite number of issues to determine what is right. Thus I may, as you say, at one time think rap music is good and later think it is bad, depending on my mindset. However, I do not see this (necessarily) as changing what I believe is right, since I (can) believe that rap music is too insignificant to deserve moral consideration. For issues which I consider worthy of determining what is right, my "primary mask" will assert itself over whatever mask I'm currently wearing. My observation in the last post was that my changing opinions on issues such as rap music is in fact a demonstration that I consider them unimportant, and gives more weight to issues which I consider of more importance to give a consistent answer. From my perspective, it also allows me more time and space to give consideration to issues which I consider important.

Really, I think that my approach is not morally optimal. When I at one time said I didn't like rap music and later said I did, I believed it (or so I thought at then) both times. This discredits my consistency. Morally I should both times have said "I don't know", but as you say, this is much more difficult. So I choose the easier option as opposed to the moral one, which again discredits the choices I want to matter.

But speaking practically, by passing through different mindsets, I am able to believe different things at different times. Thus I can more fully explore different beliefs than if I were just to think hypothetically.

And while slipping through mindsets makes everyday social interaction easier, it also creates problems, since I can change my mind about things overnight. Sometimes mindsets can last for several days leaving me making important decisions during that time that I later regret. Nonetheless I will keep doing what I have been, and enjoy it.