3 days ago - Maria's update of our wonderful day!
Girl Times: Wino Wednesdays.
Let me start off by saying that my friends and I are ridiculous. The girls I keep close have by far the most impeccable balance of vulgarity, culture, classiness, wit, vomitous, and brilliant personalities I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.
I sware, Sarah and Erica, without even trying, fill our conversations with so many one liners that I can’t help but flood my twitter feed with their hilarity.
Today we started the day off… hungover… naturally. We then waited (literally) 3 hours for Sarah to get ready. Then the 3 of us headed to our favorite pool spot. We gossiped. Made fun of boys skinny penis’, how gross our tan lines are looking, complained about how FUCKING cold the pool water was, and how Sarah needs to change out her saggy-assed bathing suit bottoms for a new fresh Victoria Secret bikini.
We rode home, grabbed a snack composed of the weirdest concoction of Chef-Boyardee Ravioli, avocado, and ranch dressing (yes, I’m strange). We got wild hairs up our asses and rode all the way to the Park Avenue Starbucks. We walked down the avenue, walked past my old job, got an interview at Wine Room. I should have known not to drink a damn Soy Chai… I dropped ass as soon as we rode all the way to Erica’s off of Cady Way Trail and Semoran. We rode the 5 mile ride back home which actually turned into being more like an 8 mile ride because as females we are apparently genetically and socially predesposed to lack any sense of direction. Except for me. I was right. But we still got lost.
Anyways, we’re home. But the day was filled with too many ridiculous comments, that I couldn’t help myself… I had to write a blog about them.
So without furthur ado, here are the quotes:
“You know you’re a hipster slut when you find a U-lock under your bed and have no idea who it belongs to”
“That’s mine!”
“… wait. Uh?”
“So wait, you wont hook up with me because you have a feelings for me?”
“No… I’m saying the opposite.”
“He woke me up with the boner alarm.”
“hey is my purse anywhere back there?”
(erica is digging around in the back under the seats)
“no, but i found this (Chef Boyardee can)”
“… And i was like, ‘Are you kidding me? You’re not having sex with anyone. Your dick doesn’t even work.’”
“Maybe he is gay. He is kind of squirrely.”
“He just wants nuts?”
(while riding our bikes on cobble stone roadway)
“i feel like my vagina is being thrown into a blender.”
“i feel like my vagina is sitting on an old beat up vibrator.”
Erica: “RIDE OR DIE, BITCHES!”
(Sarah points down a hill)
Sarah: “Oh man, I really want to ride down that.”
Maria: “Um, That’s more like ‘ride and die… bitches’”
“What is this Maria?”
(Alex pulls down my cami to expose my akward tan line)
“MY NIPPLE.”
“Oh. Woops.”
“WHAT IS THIS!? It’s wet! Did Smoot pee on something again??”
(Robot Voice)
“Rape. Alleyway. Ahead. CODE RED. CODE RED.”
(Riding through a pitch black Cady Way Trail aka “Rape Alley”…. Still in Robot Voice)
“Alligator crossing. Please keep your hands and arms inside the bicycle at all times.”
Stay tuned for more. These two are ridiculous.
Let me start off by saying that my friends and I are ridiculous. The girls I keep close have by far the most impeccable balance of vulgarity, culture, classiness, wit, vomitous, and brilliant personalities I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.
I sware, Sarah and Erica, without even trying, fill our conversations with so many one liners that I can’t help but flood my twitter feed with their hilarity.
Today we started the day off… hungover… naturally. We then waited (literally) 3 hours for Sarah to get ready. Then the 3 of us headed to our favorite pool spot. We gossiped. Made fun of boys skinny penis’, how gross our tan lines are looking, complained about how FUCKING cold the pool water was, and how Sarah needs to change out her saggy-assed bathing suit bottoms for a new fresh Victoria Secret bikini.
We rode home, grabbed a snack composed of the weirdest concoction of Chef-Boyardee Ravioli, avocado, and ranch dressing (yes, I’m strange). We got wild hairs up our asses and rode all the way to the Park Avenue Starbucks. We walked down the avenue, walked past my old job, got an interview at Wine Room. I should have known not to drink a damn Soy Chai… I dropped ass as soon as we rode all the way to Erica’s off of Cady Way Trail and Semoran. We rode the 5 mile ride back home which actually turned into being more like an 8 mile ride because as females we are apparently genetically and socially predesposed to lack any sense of direction. Except for me. I was right. But we still got lost.
Anyways, we’re home. But the day was filled with too many ridiculous comments, that I couldn’t help myself… I had to write a blog about them.
So without furthur ado, here are the quotes:
“You know you’re a hipster slut when you find a U-lock under your bed and have no idea who it belongs to”
“That’s mine!”
“… wait. Uh?”
“So wait, you wont hook up with me because you have a feelings for me?”
“No… I’m saying the opposite.”
“He woke me up with the boner alarm.”
“hey is my purse anywhere back there?”
(erica is digging around in the back under the seats)
“no, but i found this (Chef Boyardee can)”
“… And i was like, ‘Are you kidding me? You’re not having sex with anyone. Your dick doesn’t even work.’”
“Maybe he is gay. He is kind of squirrely.”
“He just wants nuts?”
(while riding our bikes on cobble stone roadway)
“i feel like my vagina is being thrown into a blender.”
“i feel like my vagina is sitting on an old beat up vibrator.”
Erica: “RIDE OR DIE, BITCHES!”
(Sarah points down a hill)
Sarah: “Oh man, I really want to ride down that.”
Maria: “Um, That’s more like ‘ride and die… bitches’”
“What is this Maria?”
(Alex pulls down my cami to expose my akward tan line)
“MY NIPPLE.”
“Oh. Woops.”
“WHAT IS THIS!? It’s wet! Did Smoot pee on something again??”
(Robot Voice)
“Rape. Alleyway. Ahead. CODE RED. CODE RED.”
(Riding through a pitch black Cady Way Trail aka “Rape Alley”…. Still in Robot Voice)
“Alligator crossing. Please keep your hands and arms inside the bicycle at all times.”
Stay tuned for more. These two are ridiculous.