Fiction Satisfy part 1

[gt22]

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Callie/Erica femslash

NC-17

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My beta is in Paris and not back for a week so please ignore the mistakes


Standing in the small scrub room Callie rolled her shoulders hearing the door slide open she looked up and smiled as Erica walked through it. “Hi.”

“Hey.” Callie’s eyes stayed trained on Erica’s hands as she moved them under the flow of water. She knew what those hands could do, they where just as skilled out of the OR as in.

Leaning back against the scrub sink Callie let her eyes move over Erica’s body as she dried her hands. “I need to tell you something and I need you to promise you won’t get mad.”

Turning her head to meet Callie’s eyes the older woman gave a small smile knowing what was coming and fighting her natural urge to run. “I can’t promise that Callie.”

Taking a deep breath Callie licked her lips. “I slept with Mark. I’ve been sleeping with Mark.” Feeling her eyes start to fill with tears she looked away not wanting to see the pain she had caused in the blonde’s eyes.

Letting out a small laugh Erica raised her hand to Callie neck ignoring the way the younger woman flinched. “I know.” Pushing the neck of Callie’s scrub top to one side Erica ran her fingers slowly over the small bite mark that lay at the base of Callie’s neck. “I didn’t give you that.”

Gasping Callie covered her mouth with her own hand as Erica’s fell away. “I … I …” Swallowing hard Callie whispered. “You knew … and we. How could you … How can you stand to have me anywhere near you?”

“Because …” Sighing Erica took a step back. “I don’t know Callie. Maybe … maybe I’m hoping that one morning you’ll wake up with me and realise you’re happy and you won’t want to go running to him. Or that I will be so good you don’t need him to satisfy you.”

Shaking her head franticly Callie took a step closer. “It’s not like that. Erica. Please. I ..”

“What Callie?”

“I ..” Licking her lips Callie suddenly wished they where in Joe’s so she could do this with a large drink inside her. “I can’t give myself fully to you, to either of you.” Seeing Erica’s raised eyebrow Callie quickly continued. “Not that I want to. With him. I don’t want a relationship with Mark. I want a relationship with a fully committed real none freaking out relationship.” Pausing she looked over to the other woman. “And you’re not saying anything. Ok I should just go.”

Reaching Erica so their right shoulders where touching Callie turned her dark eyes meeting tearful blue ones. Reaching out Erica placed her hand on Callie‘s waist. “Why did you tell me about Sloan?”

“I needed you to know. I need to be honest with you.”

“Ok.” Feeling Erica’s hand slide off her Callie sighed and walked out of the door.

Leaning her head against the shower wall Erica’s breath hitched in her throat as her sobs slowly clamed. Since Callie’s confession that she was sleeping with Sloan as well as her Erica couldn’t get the image of the two of them out of her head. Her imagination was running wild with images of Callie and Sloan laughing and joking about her. About her technique her lack of ability. Pressing the heel of her hands against her eyes she took a deep breath and switched of the shower.

Sitting on the edge of her bed Callie ran her hand over the indent in the pillow Erica’s head had been that morning. She had never brought Mark here, she had didn’t want him here. They has used on-call rooms or Mark’s hotel suit. Deep in the back of her mind Callie knew why she had been like that. Her bed, this bed was hers and Erica’s. Was just for her and Erica. She felt like a guilty wife sneaking around in the dark, using hotels rooms with her dirty mistress. Laughing at the thought Callie fell back against the bed pulling Erica’s pillow to her chest taking in the sent of her perfume, her shampoo. Her. Sitting up Callie grabbed her bag and coat leaving her apartment in a hurry, one destination in mind.

Pressing her face further into her knees and her hands harder against her ears Erica swore as the knocking grew louder. Praying to whoever was listening that the knocking would stop and the person behind it would leave. “Erica I know where you keep your spare key.”

Throwing her head back the blonde sighed. Standing she moved to the door forcefully pulling back. “What do you want Callie?”

“You.” Tuting Erica turned heading to her lounge, rolling her eyes as she heard Callie drop her bag and coat on the dinning table. “My biggest fear is that you would leave me, that I would give myself to you fully and you would find someone else. Like George did.”

“You are my best friend Callie. You are my person. I didn’t want anyone else.” Callie flinched at Erica use of the past tense. “You are the one who slept with someone else. Your person, your best friend.” Her eyes blazing Erica stepped forward her face inches away from Callie’s. “You are the one who is like George.”

Fighting the natural urge to slap the blonde surgeon Callie took a step back. “I was married to George. How dare you. I never promised you anything Erica. I never said it was just us that there would be nobody else. I’m nothing like George you can’t say that.”

“Oh do forgive me.” Erica’s voice was dripped in sarcasm. “I thought we where in some sort of screwed up relationship. That we where in this together, that we would be scared together.” Shrugging her shoulders Erica turned around. “Silly me.” Rolling her shoulders she turned back to face Callie. “Why him? I knew I was developing feelings for you. That I wanted something more with you but I was so scared to even think about it. So scared to contemplate having sex with you because I had to live up to that. The manwhore of Seattle Grace. And you … you proved my fears right Callie. That I’m not good enough. That what we have.” Pausing she looked down. “Had isn’t enough.”

“Had.” Stepping forward she placed her hand on Erica’s shoulder surprising a sob when it was violently shrugged off. “Please Erica.”

“Please what? Callie.”

“You do satisfy me Erica. You …”

“Then why him? Why anyone else?”

“Because I was scared I still am. The sex. Erica for me the sex was great for me. I didn’t think it was for you I wanted to be good for you. I thought I was good enough.” Running her fingers through her hair Callie took a deep breath. “I weird freaky curvy girl, who sits at the back of class eating her hair. I’m a heiress who used to have pet ferret and lived in the hospital basement. I’m a carpenter Erica. You’re the head of Cardiology. Blonde blue eyes and legs up to here. You can anyone.”

“But I want you Callie. Just you.”

“Erica.” The blonde faulted slightly at the way Callie spoke her name. It was in the same soften spoke manner as their first date and held the same love as when she whispered goodnight.

Shaking her head slightly to rid it of the memories. Erica moved away. “I don’t know if I can do this Callie. I’m not cut out for this, for being second best. I want to forgive you, to trust you.” Sighing she shrugged her should shaking her head at the younger woman.

Stepping forward Callie placed her hands on Erica’s shoulders pleased when they where not shrugged off. “What do I have to do, whatever it takes.”

“Stop sleeping with Sloan would be a start.”

Nodding Callie gently ran her hand over Erica’s shoulders and down her arms choosing at the last minute not to take the blondes hands in her own. “Already done.”

Rocking from one foot to the other regarding the woman in front of her dark silky hair was pinned up in a loose bun with a few curly strands framing her face. Erica noticed the bite mark was partially covered with Callie’s high neck shirt. Her eyes where red rimmed from crying and Erica knew hers where the same. “If ..” Erica swallowed and looked down at her feet, “if I told you now that I can’t get over this. That I was stupid to think I can look at the same. That I can even look at you, talk to you never mind anything else. What would you do?”

“I’d leave Seattle.”

Erica’s head shot up her eyes locking with Callie’s “What?”

“You. Your friendship was the only thing keeping me here after the whole Chief Resident mess. My dad had it all arranged. A place at a hospital in Miami a large donation to the clinic so the Chief would write me a glowing review leaving out my little fight with a patient’s relative.” Giving Erica a small smiled Callie carried on. “They came into my life, you asked me for a drink you put up with my weirdness. You became my friend. My constant.” Shaking her head Callie took a deep breath. “If that has gone, if I’ve lost you because I’ve screwed up. Then I have no reason to stay.

“I need …” Swallowing back her tears Erica turned to the dinning table picking up Callie’s bag and coat. “I want you to leave.” Handing Callie her things the older woman placed her hand on Callie’s arm. “Not Seattle. Just here I need time to think to work all this out. I will always be your friend Callie.”

Nodding Callie brushed away her own tears quietly turning and leaving.