Shit went doooooooooooooown
HA HA
Suspended before first period b^_^b GG guise.
Sweet, I get an extra week off from school. -eats cheesy poofs-
Oh, right, I guess you tards want a bit of what happened.
After a night of no sleep, I swung by Kyle's to pick him up. Him and Stan have been having some one sided issues since the sleep over at Tweeks. I say one sided because Kyle is a paranoid Jew and Stan is completely unaware of his best friend's plight. Go figger.
Anyway, to give you a bit of backstory: Sleepover at Tweek's Saturday. Truth or dare happened. Horny teen boys and the opportunity presented to humiliate the shit out of each other. Who could pass up that opportunity. I was dared to grope and make out with Kyle. No problem there, the Jew rat practically melted. Well, Tweek dared Stan to make out with him. And ever since then, Kyle's had a hamster in his va jay jay. Cue yesterday afternoon, where Kyle and I had some one on one time for about four hours. He unloaded all of his insecurities on me about Stan and this newfound something with Tweek - jealousy at it's finest. Delicious, yes?
Despite all of my utterly useless reassuring that Stan was destined to be shoved up his ass for eternity, Kyle some how managed to talk himself into believing that Stan was leaving him fur evurrrrr to be with Twwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeekie pie fluffy butt, so I offered to fill his Stan void. I'm big enough, right?
Long story short - I fucked Kyle last night, and I have the purple hickies on my shoulder to prove it. Yes, they're purple. I'll spare you the details.
We decided on "friends with benefits" standing. I'm essentially a fuck buddy. Which is pure win, on my part. Fuck, I've gotten more in the past twelve hours than I expected in my entire life. I know how undesirable I am, I made myself that way. But, whatever. I've got someone...sort of. Even if he is just completely hung up over his best fwiend. Boo woo woo.
SO, this morning. I take Kyle to school, being the ever loving friend (-snort-) that I am, just to spare him the hell of the bus, seeing as Stan's car decided to be a bitch and not start as he was leaving Tweek's yesterday. Call it karma. I call it hilarious.
We split ways after getting our schedules (which I will post another time cause this is just way too good to not speak about), and before I know it, I'm coming upon a rather large crowd gathered around an arguing Stan and Kyle. The first thing I hear is, "I FUCKED CARTMAN LAST NIGHT." via Kyle. All eyes are immediately on me. I blink and shrug, "What?"
Stan is completely shocked into silence. He simply STARES at Kyle and he can do more than gape like a fish and babble nonsensically. Ass. Unfortunately, at that time, the crowd was broken apart by Mr. Mackey, and he escorts me, Kyle and Stan to the office. After sitting outside for about fifteen minutes, he brings us into his office and sits us down. I immediately know what's coming.
"Now boys, unprotected sex is bad, mmkay? I thought we talked about this in the fourth grade."
He looks at all of us expectantly. Kyle is still utterly enraged, but blushing.
"We were both virgins, Mr. Mackey," I take the responsibility of informing him. Not really that it mattered.
"Still boys. Unprotected sex is bad, mmkay. Especially unprotected anal sex. Mm...mmkay? You could get AIDS."
"We've already had AIDS."
"There are other diseases out there, boys. If you're going to have sex, use a condom, mmkay?"
I roll my eyes, and I can see how red Kyle is from my seat. It gives me a tingle, knowing he's being humiliated by all of this. Hey, just cause we're fucking doesn't mean I can't get my jollies from his embarrassment.
Then Mackey springs on us that he's called our parents. I'm not too worried. Stan and Kyle, however, both go white as sheets, and the door opens, our mothers pouring into the room.
"Kyle, what's this I hear about you having unprotected sex?!" Shiela demands in that nasally kike voice of hers. Argh, shit grates on my nerves. Sharon stands there with her hands on her hips, glaring down at Stan, who is doing everything in his power to hide his face in shame. My mom has yet to say anything, and has simply placed her hand on my shoulder. Kyle hasn't responded to his mother, but I can see the fear, guilt and shame screaming in his eyes. Ahhh...
"Well, Stan? Who did you have sex with? Was it Wendy?"
Ah, Sharon. Sharon sharon sharon..
"Not exactly, mom."
"Well then, who?"
"Uhm...eheheh...Tweek?"
Kyle suddenly has life breathed back into him, and he whirls around and stares at Stan, eyes wide.
"YOU FUCKED TWEEK?!"
Oh boy.
Stan returns the look, though for completely different reasons, I'm sure.
"Well, you fucked Cartman!"
"WHAT WHAT WHAT?!"
Oh, it's pure clusterfuck at this point. I really am enjoying this situation far too much, you understand. I suppose my premonition was correct. Giggle giggle.
"Eric," mommy dearest. I look up at her calmly.
"Did you have unprotected sex with Kyle?"
"That would be yes."
"Oh, sweetie, you need to be more careful," she chides me with a smile, which I return. I can feel the other parents incredulous gazes upon us.
"We were both virgins, mom."
"Oh, well then, I suppose that's alright. did you have fun, sweetie?"
"Mmhmm."
At this point conversations erupt in a mixture of demanding questions and sighs of concern. I don't really understand what all is going on, I just hear various bits and peices of conversation involving what ifs and whatnots, mostly from Sheila.
"Look, you overbearing bitch," Once again, all eyes on me. Mmm...centre of attention.
"You can what if and all that shit all day long if you want, it's not going to change what happened last night. We aren't girls, we aren't going to get pregnant, and we sure as shit aren't going to get ourselves infected with anything. We're horny teenagers, we're not stupid. Really. I would have rather fucked Kyle than...some slut on the cheerleading squad. So put on a Cat Stevens record, sit down and chill out. It ain't the end of the world."
I can tell Sheila is absolutely livid. Before she gets a chance to speak, however, Mr.Mackey clears his throat and gathers our attention.
"Unfortunately, parents, lots of bad language has been said and I'm afraid your boys are all going to be suspended for a week, mmkay. We don't tolerate bad language, mmkay? So..we'll give you a week to calm down and work out your differences and then you can come back to school."
Suspension slips were delt out, and we all left.
And here I am. I showed mom the bruises on my shoulder and all she did was pat me on the head, with an almost proud grin. No questions on my sexuality - she's known as long as I have. When you have a true hermaphrodite as a mother, these things tend to happen. Sigh.
SO HOW ARE YOU ALL?
Suspended before first period b^_^b GG guise.
Sweet, I get an extra week off from school. -eats cheesy poofs-
Oh, right, I guess you tards want a bit of what happened.
After a night of no sleep, I swung by Kyle's to pick him up. Him and Stan have been having some one sided issues since the sleep over at Tweeks. I say one sided because Kyle is a paranoid Jew and Stan is completely unaware of his best friend's plight. Go figger.
Anyway, to give you a bit of backstory: Sleepover at Tweek's Saturday. Truth or dare happened. Horny teen boys and the opportunity presented to humiliate the shit out of each other. Who could pass up that opportunity. I was dared to grope and make out with Kyle. No problem there, the Jew rat practically melted. Well, Tweek dared Stan to make out with him. And ever since then, Kyle's had a hamster in his va jay jay. Cue yesterday afternoon, where Kyle and I had some one on one time for about four hours. He unloaded all of his insecurities on me about Stan and this newfound something with Tweek - jealousy at it's finest. Delicious, yes?
Despite all of my utterly useless reassuring that Stan was destined to be shoved up his ass for eternity, Kyle some how managed to talk himself into believing that Stan was leaving him fur evurrrrr to be with Twwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeekie pie fluffy butt, so I offered to fill his Stan void. I'm big enough, right?
Long story short - I fucked Kyle last night, and I have the purple hickies on my shoulder to prove it. Yes, they're purple. I'll spare you the details.
We decided on "friends with benefits" standing. I'm essentially a fuck buddy. Which is pure win, on my part. Fuck, I've gotten more in the past twelve hours than I expected in my entire life. I know how undesirable I am, I made myself that way. But, whatever. I've got someone...sort of. Even if he is just completely hung up over his best fwiend. Boo woo woo.
SO, this morning. I take Kyle to school, being the ever loving friend (-snort-) that I am, just to spare him the hell of the bus, seeing as Stan's car decided to be a bitch and not start as he was leaving Tweek's yesterday. Call it karma. I call it hilarious.
We split ways after getting our schedules (which I will post another time cause this is just way too good to not speak about), and before I know it, I'm coming upon a rather large crowd gathered around an arguing Stan and Kyle. The first thing I hear is, "I FUCKED CARTMAN LAST NIGHT." via Kyle. All eyes are immediately on me. I blink and shrug, "What?"
Stan is completely shocked into silence. He simply STARES at Kyle and he can do more than gape like a fish and babble nonsensically. Ass. Unfortunately, at that time, the crowd was broken apart by Mr. Mackey, and he escorts me, Kyle and Stan to the office. After sitting outside for about fifteen minutes, he brings us into his office and sits us down. I immediately know what's coming.
"Now boys, unprotected sex is bad, mmkay? I thought we talked about this in the fourth grade."
He looks at all of us expectantly. Kyle is still utterly enraged, but blushing.
"We were both virgins, Mr. Mackey," I take the responsibility of informing him. Not really that it mattered.
"Still boys. Unprotected sex is bad, mmkay. Especially unprotected anal sex. Mm...mmkay? You could get AIDS."
"We've already had AIDS."
"There are other diseases out there, boys. If you're going to have sex, use a condom, mmkay?"
I roll my eyes, and I can see how red Kyle is from my seat. It gives me a tingle, knowing he's being humiliated by all of this. Hey, just cause we're fucking doesn't mean I can't get my jollies from his embarrassment.
Then Mackey springs on us that he's called our parents. I'm not too worried. Stan and Kyle, however, both go white as sheets, and the door opens, our mothers pouring into the room.
"Kyle, what's this I hear about you having unprotected sex?!" Shiela demands in that nasally kike voice of hers. Argh, shit grates on my nerves. Sharon stands there with her hands on her hips, glaring down at Stan, who is doing everything in his power to hide his face in shame. My mom has yet to say anything, and has simply placed her hand on my shoulder. Kyle hasn't responded to his mother, but I can see the fear, guilt and shame screaming in his eyes. Ahhh...
"Well, Stan? Who did you have sex with? Was it Wendy?"
Ah, Sharon. Sharon sharon sharon..
"Not exactly, mom."
"Well then, who?"
"Uhm...eheheh...Tweek?"
Kyle suddenly has life breathed back into him, and he whirls around and stares at Stan, eyes wide.
"YOU FUCKED TWEEK?!"
Oh boy.
Stan returns the look, though for completely different reasons, I'm sure.
"Well, you fucked Cartman!"
"WHAT WHAT WHAT?!"
Oh, it's pure clusterfuck at this point. I really am enjoying this situation far too much, you understand. I suppose my premonition was correct. Giggle giggle.
"Eric," mommy dearest. I look up at her calmly.
"Did you have unprotected sex with Kyle?"
"That would be yes."
"Oh, sweetie, you need to be more careful," she chides me with a smile, which I return. I can feel the other parents incredulous gazes upon us.
"We were both virgins, mom."
"Oh, well then, I suppose that's alright. did you have fun, sweetie?"
"Mmhmm."
At this point conversations erupt in a mixture of demanding questions and sighs of concern. I don't really understand what all is going on, I just hear various bits and peices of conversation involving what ifs and whatnots, mostly from Sheila.
"Look, you overbearing bitch," Once again, all eyes on me. Mmm...centre of attention.
"You can what if and all that shit all day long if you want, it's not going to change what happened last night. We aren't girls, we aren't going to get pregnant, and we sure as shit aren't going to get ourselves infected with anything. We're horny teenagers, we're not stupid. Really. I would have rather fucked Kyle than...some slut on the cheerleading squad. So put on a Cat Stevens record, sit down and chill out. It ain't the end of the world."
I can tell Sheila is absolutely livid. Before she gets a chance to speak, however, Mr.Mackey clears his throat and gathers our attention.
"Unfortunately, parents, lots of bad language has been said and I'm afraid your boys are all going to be suspended for a week, mmkay. We don't tolerate bad language, mmkay? So..we'll give you a week to calm down and work out your differences and then you can come back to school."
Suspension slips were delt out, and we all left.
And here I am. I showed mom the bruises on my shoulder and all she did was pat me on the head, with an almost proud grin. No questions on my sexuality - she's known as long as I have. When you have a true hermaphrodite as a mother, these things tend to happen. Sigh.
SO HOW ARE YOU ALL?