It's amazing the way you can work for something for nineteen years...
Only to have it change in a night.
I think I will go to a FL public school, major in Mechanical Engineering and minor in photography. I don't mind engineering, but I would really love to just do photography. Photojournalism would be okay, but only for the photo half of it.
Rollie said maybe I should do indistrial design, but I don't think I would be too good at that. I think I would enjoy it, but I probably have bad taste. That's why I cannot dress well. That is why I cannot wear makeup.
I'm feeling pretty lonely. I told Alex that we were done, that I wasn't doing this shit anymore, that I wasn't dealing with his crap, this nonsense where he is so ashamed of me that he won't have the decency to tell his parents we are married. Because you know what? Maybe my family isn't perfect, but I have the power and strength to overcome it. His family isn't great, but he will never venture out to become any better.
Because how dare he have the audacity to think that he can start jumping from state to state and drag me with him. Call me only when he is bored or it is convenient for him. He lived in VA for about a week without calling me. What?!!
Just everything. It was time for that to be done.
But now that I am ugly from my black eye (Jeff and I were wrestling- he picked me up to flip me onto the bed, and I tucked my head- right into his elbow) that three days later still won't open, it is hard to believe I will ever be able to attract anyone. Because even though we all say that looks are not important, no one goes up to an ugly girl because "I bet she has a great personality."
And then I will never attract anyone, and then I will be lonely forever!
So part of me wants to call Alex, scream "I'm sorry, I changed my mind! Don't leave me..." but I know I would not be happy that way, and when I try really hard, I even know that I am exaggerating.
Life.
::sigh::
It is nice to have normal problems now. Instead of wondering where I will sleep next week.
I think I will go to a FL public school, major in Mechanical Engineering and minor in photography. I don't mind engineering, but I would really love to just do photography. Photojournalism would be okay, but only for the photo half of it.
Rollie said maybe I should do indistrial design, but I don't think I would be too good at that. I think I would enjoy it, but I probably have bad taste. That's why I cannot dress well. That is why I cannot wear makeup.
I'm feeling pretty lonely. I told Alex that we were done, that I wasn't doing this shit anymore, that I wasn't dealing with his crap, this nonsense where he is so ashamed of me that he won't have the decency to tell his parents we are married. Because you know what? Maybe my family isn't perfect, but I have the power and strength to overcome it. His family isn't great, but he will never venture out to become any better.
Because how dare he have the audacity to think that he can start jumping from state to state and drag me with him. Call me only when he is bored or it is convenient for him. He lived in VA for about a week without calling me. What?!!
Just everything. It was time for that to be done.
But now that I am ugly from my black eye (Jeff and I were wrestling- he picked me up to flip me onto the bed, and I tucked my head- right into his elbow) that three days later still won't open, it is hard to believe I will ever be able to attract anyone. Because even though we all say that looks are not important, no one goes up to an ugly girl because "I bet she has a great personality."
And then I will never attract anyone, and then I will be lonely forever!
So part of me wants to call Alex, scream "I'm sorry, I changed my mind! Don't leave me..." but I know I would not be happy that way, and when I try really hard, I even know that I am exaggerating.
Life.
::sigh::
It is nice to have normal problems now. Instead of wondering where I will sleep next week.