in absense of angst
I left lj for a while and today I came back to read through many, many lj posts. You people sure do talk a lot and of course, I love you nonetheless. I don't post serius, personal issues on livejournal (usually) and I didn't want so many consecutive posts of just...hatred.
After a brief bout of hatred passed today becaue my house = hellhole, I think I'm generally calm at the moment.
I think I've just been having a problem with being me. I don't like who I am. I don't like the way I present myself. I prefer my imaginary me over the real me. Why have uncool lump of uncreativity Priscilla when you can have the opposite?
I have a busy schedules my sophomore year of high school. School starts on August 11th. I've got personal projects to accomplish too and you know what? I'm going to be more grounded with my goals, pick things that are a little bit more in reach so I won't feel like such a disappointing failure in the end because I only got a quarter of the way through--like the zine people weren't interested in, the first chapter out of four chapters in the book I didn't finish, the costumes I never obtained for the photography project.
Junior year of high school is going to be crazy and heavy loaded, moreso than sophomore year because of SATs, AP tests, ACTs, and college looming. So sophomore year has to count for something and I refuse to be all talk, no action. I'll make my friends promise to bop me on the head with a rolled up magazine for every time I don't accomplish something I've set out to do. I'll go that far.
Even if I was a dating kind of girl, I don't need to be somebody's girlfriend, I need to be somebody I like. I must learn to be independent and fierce, but at the same time I know my friends are my family and those are the people I can count on.
Please don't let me fail at that.
(So now I skip off to comment on lj entries because I miss commenting. You guys are so speshul. :D)
After a brief bout of hatred passed today becaue my house = hellhole, I think I'm generally calm at the moment.
I think I've just been having a problem with being me. I don't like who I am. I don't like the way I present myself. I prefer my imaginary me over the real me. Why have uncool lump of uncreativity Priscilla when you can have the opposite?
I have a busy schedules my sophomore year of high school. School starts on August 11th. I've got personal projects to accomplish too and you know what? I'm going to be more grounded with my goals, pick things that are a little bit more in reach so I won't feel like such a disappointing failure in the end because I only got a quarter of the way through--like the zine people weren't interested in, the first chapter out of four chapters in the book I didn't finish, the costumes I never obtained for the photography project.
Junior year of high school is going to be crazy and heavy loaded, moreso than sophomore year because of SATs, AP tests, ACTs, and college looming. So sophomore year has to count for something and I refuse to be all talk, no action. I'll make my friends promise to bop me on the head with a rolled up magazine for every time I don't accomplish something I've set out to do. I'll go that far.
Even if I was a dating kind of girl, I don't need to be somebody's girlfriend, I need to be somebody I like. I must learn to be independent and fierce, but at the same time I know my friends are my family and those are the people I can count on.
Please don't let me fail at that.
(So now I skip off to comment on lj entries because I miss commenting. You guys are so speshul. :D)