such a bad freaking ending to such a great day.
so i went to grant's earlier, and he helped me wash my car. then tonight i had the BEST time in so long at jacob's with my best girls nat and kieli, and then jacob and jonathan. it's nights like tonight that i realize how great my friends are and how lucky i am to have them. the two of them + court, case, carm, cara, and christy have been there for me NO MATTER WHAT this year, and i love you girls SO much. and then how about them patriots winning the superbowl. ha, actually i could really care less about that, but tom brady is pretty hot, though..
yeah, so i apparently can't have a good night. i mean i'm finally starting to move on, or atleast i thought i was. well just put it this way; that i have no one now. i basically just fucked myself over. i was acting like a bitch this whole time, and apparently i'll always be a bitch. i mean, that's the reason i lost aaron isn't it? well me and grant were pretty much in the same situation, and it's ending the same way it did the last time we tried this. and the one person in this world that i truly love, and he truly loved me, can't trust me and prob. still thinks i'm a fucking bitch. i swear, i bring all this shit on myself. i push away the people that i love the most. idk why i can't be happy when i have a good thing and actually do the right thing to keep him in my life. and i'm sure he don't want shit to do with me now. and jacob thinks i treated him like shit, too. and knowing me, i prob. did without even realizing it. i guess i'm just a fuckup, and right now i really feel like i don't deserve to be happy. whatever, i'm just gonna go cry myself to sleep or something... it's nothing new.
yeah, so i apparently can't have a good night. i mean i'm finally starting to move on, or atleast i thought i was. well just put it this way; that i have no one now. i basically just fucked myself over. i was acting like a bitch this whole time, and apparently i'll always be a bitch. i mean, that's the reason i lost aaron isn't it? well me and grant were pretty much in the same situation, and it's ending the same way it did the last time we tried this. and the one person in this world that i truly love, and he truly loved me, can't trust me and prob. still thinks i'm a fucking bitch. i swear, i bring all this shit on myself. i push away the people that i love the most. idk why i can't be happy when i have a good thing and actually do the right thing to keep him in my life. and i'm sure he don't want shit to do with me now. and jacob thinks i treated him like shit, too. and knowing me, i prob. did without even realizing it. i guess i'm just a fuckup, and right now i really feel like i don't deserve to be happy. whatever, i'm just gonna go cry myself to sleep or something... it's nothing new.