Touching Tomorrow - Part Eight
Title: Touching Tomorrow - Part Eight
Author: Charlie
Beta: keiliss
Contact: legolaslovesaragorn@yahoo.co.uk or glorfindelanderestor@yahoo.co.uk
Type: FPS
Pairing: Erestor/Elrond
Rating for this chapter: PG-13 / R
Warnings for this chapter: Very AU, Violence, implied M-Preg
Disclaimer: Don’t own these elves, sadly.
Summary: Endings and Beginnings
A/N Well, its certainly taken me along time to write this, and even longer to post it lol. I really enjoyed writing this, and hope in the future I will be able to write the sequel, which continues Erestor’s tale. I want; to thank my Darling Beta, who I could never have done without, who has beta’d at short notice, helped me, pushed me and even written some of this story herself, because this is as much hers as mine*huggles Kei*. Thanks To Mei for the Wonderful Picture ! *cuddles tightly*
I want to say thank you to everybody who has stuck with this, even through the ups and downs and the long waits, I do appreciate it.
Chapter 8
Slowly I begin to wake, sleep gradually fading away as I become aware of the sun streaming into the room, the warmth pressed against my chest, the ticking of the clock breaking through the quiet morning.
I know instinctively that Elrond is not in the house, as I know that he was not pleased when he found us curled up like this.
Carefully sitting up, untangling Rodoniel’s small hand from mine, I sneak from the bed, crawling over Elrond’s side so as not to wake him up. Placing my feet cautiously upon the cold floor I rise, wincing as pain flares through my lower body and back, though it seems much less severe than it felt last night.
Retreating to the bathroom, I close the door to muffle any sounds, leaning back against it heavily. I close my eyes, breathing deeply as the walk has strained me and, until I tend my injuries, I know I will not be able to walk without pain.
Limping over to the sink, I pick up the small jar of salve I used last night. I open the lid and immerse my fingers once more, then trail them down to my sore entrance.
Steeling myself, I push one in, biting my lip to hold back a whimper of pain, waiting a moment before I push the second one alongside it. Applying the salve to my passage, I sigh gently as the pain begins to fade. Repeating the action, I make sure that I am thoroughly coated inside as far as I can reach.
Flushing with shame I withdraw my fingers, washing them in the basin before rubbing more soothing cream on the welts that mar my back, hissing and gritting my teeth as I touch them.
The pain, however, has almost gone, to be replaced by a light discomfort. Most of the inflamed areas are numb because of the cream, with the exception of my ribs, which I can do nothing for but leave them to heal.
Padding quickly back into the bedroom where Rodoniel sleeps on, a patch of faded green catches my eye, and I curiously approach my desk where it lays, looking in apprehension to see what it is.
A rose.
Rich, red petals, flushed and soft. It looks barely opened, the rim gently curving out, each petal fluffed like a ruffle on a dress, sweet and innocent as each layer winds tighter and closer to the centre than the last, proudly displaying the bright heart of the flower.
I shiver, remembering the last and only time Elrond ever brought me roses…
~Flashback~
Grey light seeps through the flat and everything is still.
Almost everything
Lying collapsed in a corner, Erestor’s lithe frame shakes, his arms clutching at his enlarged stomach as he tenses, trying to hold back the scream of agony.
A single red rose is clutched in his hand, probably picked up from one of the numerous vases, which fill every side, desk and table in the house.
Over and over he cries, screaming for help, pleading for relief from this agony, but he is alone.
Doubling over, he curls into a foetal position as best he can, still trying to hold back the screams of agony, but they only grow louder as the pain intensifies.
But no one comes, no help, no one.
He screams more frequently now, the terror increasing with his tears, but he cannot keep it up for much longer; his throat is nearly hoarse from calling and his body tired from the effort it costs.
But finally, there is something.
A key in the lock, turning leisurely as though the bearer has not yet heard the calls, and Erestor is so worn out by now, his screams barely more than soft pleading, that it is more than likely.
But gathering his strength as the door opens, he screams once more with all his strength and this time he is heard.
Feet dash through the house, and Elrond rushes across the room, the bunch of fresh roses in his hand forgotten as they fall to the floor, his hand instead flicking out his cell phone to call for an ambulance as he drops to Erestor’s side.
Gathering him up in his arms, Elrond carries Erestor into their bedroom, laying him gently down on their bed. Elrond murmurs lovingly, rubbing one of Erestor’s hands in his, trying to soothe him as they wait for the medics to arrive...
~End of Flashback~
I almost died that night.
The baby was nearly two weeks early, and the medics took so long to come. Due to the fact I am not female I had to be cut open, nothing unusual, but I was so exhausted and there was so much blood.
Too much.
After delivering my child, the medics explained to Elrond that they held little hope for me. I was exhausted, physically and mentally, and my body could barely sustain itself due to the huge blood loss I had suffered. I did pull through, though it was a while before I woke again.
In the end, it was the crying of the baby that woke me. My baby.
I knew it, I could feel it, and though I was so tired, I could not let myself give up. I struggled to stay alive because he needed me.
When I first held him in my arms, I knew he was worth it. He was so small and helpless, and I loved him more than anything I had ever known. He was my hope, my Angel, and so that was what I named him.
My Rodoniel. My Angel.
Elrond objected; he wanted to name him after someone else, but I was adamant and in the end he agreed…..and ever since he has been reminding me of it.
I love Rodoniel more than words can say… but I don’t want to go through that again, at least not so soon. I can’t bear the thought that I might not survive and leave Rodoniel and another child in Elrond’s care.
No, I could not do that to them, I could not abandon any child of mine to him. He has already proven that he holds little love for any child I could bear. It is this realisation that finally allows me to accept something I have known, deep inside, for a very long time.
We have to leave.
I could take him hurting me, I could accept that it was my fault, that I had been wrong. But I would never accept that Rodoniel deserved the way Elrond was treating him, and I will not risk him being hurt again.
Being quiet so as not to wake him, I sneak over to the cupboards and, sliding the door of Elrond’s open first, I begin to search.
Looking around in the bottom I find one small suitcase, the one Elrond uses for business trips, but that is all as we have never been on holiday. Dragging it out, I push it to the side and open it before continuing through the cupboard.
I smile as my efforts are rewarded by an old pair of jeans which were stuffed somewhere in the back of the closet. As I pull them out I wonder where they came from, for Elrond never wears jeans and they look new, or at least never worn, though perhaps a bit large.
Quickly, making sure Rodoniel is still asleep, I change into them, marveling at how comfortable and practical they are compared to what I am usually required to wear. I’ve forgotten how it feels to just be me… to dress and look and act as I choose. Instead, I have tried to please Elrond; I have let him dictate what I wear, what I do to my hair, my face and my body, even though it meant losing myself.
Pulling out a pale blue shirt, I put that on as well and drop a few more, still folded, into the suitcase, along with my only pair of trousers and my favourite top. Adding a thick jumper and some socks, I close the suitcase and carry it through to Rodoniel’s room to pack clothes for him.
Tops, leggings, socks and more are gradually added to the case as I pick, fold and pile them in. Thick, woolly jumpers, soft but strong trousers, nightclothes both cool and warm, also find themselves packed. But the suitcase is small, meant only for a weekend trip for one person, yet we have to pack our whole lives into it, and I know I cannot pack as much for him as I would like.
Leaving the suitcase open on the floor, I slowly wander through the corridor, running my fingers along the soft papered walls, feeling every tiny bump under my fingers and the furry carpet under my bare feet.
I smile sadly as I walk into the lounge, touching, looking, feeling and remembering, one last time.
It is so hard to say good bye to it all, everything that has become dear to me, all I have known for so long….
I know that this part of our life is over now and, hard as it may seem, we must continue elsewhere, taking whatever comes. Life will go on, and we will build a safe haven together, Rodoniel and I… we will have somewhere to call home once more.
Unconsciously, my fingers stop as they slide over a smooth picture frame, hovering over it, unsure as I hesitate, then I pick it up slowly, gripping it with both hands.
My own face stares back at me, shining and smiling in pride and joy, a small bundle wrapped in blankets in my arms - Rodoniel as a baby, his small face peeking out at the camera, his cooing smile caught eternally in the picture. Elrond is smiling too, his arm wrapped around my waist, holding me close, and his other hand resting over mine, holding Rodoniel safely between us.
My eyes tear slightly, and I wipe at them quickly.
We look so happy in the photo, a normal, happy family
I tremble. I want to leave the picture face down where I picked it up but I can’t, I want to take it with me. I need at least one happy memory to remind me that, though things are bad, there is always some good, because without good there can be no bad.
Taking the photo, I go through to Rodoniel’s room, stopping on the way to get the healing cream from the bathroom. I quickly wrap the photo in the middle of my clothes so it doesn’t get damaged, and put the jar on the side.
Sighing, I realise time is ticking on, and I hasten to the kitchen to make Rodoniel’s breakfast. We need as much of a head start as we can get, but I want to let him sleep as long as possible because he will need the energy.
I’m shaking with the tension of it all as I slice the fruit, glancing over my shoulder nervously, expecting to see Elrond even though I know he’s not here.
In my distraction I do this one time too many, hissing as I nick my fingertip with the knife point, automatically bringing it to my mouth and sucking on it soothingly. Withdrawing my finger, I wash it under the tap before drying it and then, pulling out a plastic plaster from the drawer, I cover it. Amazing the sting you can get from a tiny, superficial cut...
Dropping the knife into the sink, I dish the fruit into a bowl and put it down in front of Rodoniel’s chair.
Glancing at the clock I return to our room, padding softly across the floor to where Rodoniel sleeps on. He is snuggled deeply under the heavy covers, and his thumb has found his mouth once more, making me smile as I perch on the edge of the bed . I brush the ends of my fingers lightly against his cheek, before shaking his shoulder gently.
“Wake up, Angel, its morning…” I whisper soothingly, watching him as he stirs, his eyes fixing blurrily on me.
“Nana?”
“Yes, Angel. You must get up now, because we have a very busy day ahead of us.”
“Ok, Nana...” he whispers sleepily, slowly sitting up, making the heavy covers fall to his waist.
I smile once more and lift him from the bed, carrying him through to his room to dress. He snuggles happily against me, his head resting against my shoulder.
“Don’t get too comfy, I’m going to have to put you down soon,” I joke softly.
He smiles and then, as though he senses my worry, he hugs me tightly and leans up to my ear.
“I love you, Nana,” he whispers, kissing my cheek and cuddling me tightly.
“I love you too, Angel, more than anything in the world,” I reply, squeezing him gently, deeply touched by his perceptiveness.
“How are you today, love?” I ask him worriedly as I put him down, hoping that the big bruise on his face is all he bears, but helping him take his sleeping top off, I find that his chest and tummy are black and blue as well.
“Oh Angel, I’m sorry...” I whisper, looking at his tiny form, desperately whishing I could have stopped this from happening.
Fetching the cream, I gently rub it over the bruises, biting my lip as I hear him hiss.
“Forgive me, Angel,” I whisper, moving to his cheek, into which I rub the cream extra carefully because it is close to his eye,
“There….better?” I ask, pulling out clothes for him to wear today.
“Yes...”
“Good…. Here love, put these on… nice and warm...” I say, handing him a pair of warm breeches as well as a jumper, plus another jumper, fleecy and bigger than the first.
Helping him to dress, I pull the fleece over the top and look at him.
“Very nice,” I say approvingly, and he smiles again.
“Come, little angel, breakfast awaits you in the kitchen,” I say, shooing him mockingly into the kitchen, where I lift him into his chair.
“Where are we going, Nana?” he asks, picking up the spoon and starting to eat.
I lean back against the side board, my fingers gripping the edge tightly. “We’re leaving, Angel. Moving away from here,” I say, straining to remain calm for I am anxious to go. I still fear Elrond will come home and stop us.
“Why?”
“Because…” I whisper, struggling to explain it to him in a gentle way. “Because we are not safe here. Now, hurry with you breakfast, we must go...” I urge briskly, looking at him nervously.
“What’s wrong, Nana?” He munches quickly through his breakfast now, almost done.
“Don’t speak with food in your mouth. And nothing’s wrong, we just must be going soon.”
As soon as he is finished, I whisk his bowl and plate away, wipe his mouth clean and lift him from his chair.
“Is there anything you want to take with you, Angel? If so, go and get it so I can pack it.”
He nods and runs through the apartment to get what it is he wants, and I smile, walking slowly through to where the suitcase still lies in his room.
Picking up the cream, I put it in the suitcase too, because we might need it.
“Nana?”
“In your room, darling.”
“I want this.” he tells me as he comes running into the room, his Book of Heroes clutched in his arms.
“If you’re sure...” I say, packing the book on top as he nods.
“Anything else?”
Instead of answering, he frowns and starts to rummage about in his closet, before coming back to me with something ragged in his arm.
It’s a ragged doll, wearing a torn tunic, tattered leggings, and sporting a shock of blond woolly hair… the doll I made for him when he was a baby.
“You want to take Jadey?” I ask, surprised.
“Yes”
“But I haven’t seen him for ages,” I add, remembering how Rodoniel used to sleep with him every night, until one day he was gone. I had not seem him from that day to this and I thought perhaps he had grown out of him.
“I know, Nana…. But Adar said boys shouldn’t play with dolls, they’re for girls. But I can’t leave him behind…”
I frown… Elrond told him dolls were only for girls?
“That’s not true, love, dolls are not just for girls. Take him if you want, darling,” I tell him firmly, packing the doll, my belief that I am doing the right thing confirmed.
Buckling the case closed, which is hard because it is full, I lift it up, carrying it to the kitchen, Rodoniel following behind me.
“Coats,” I say, helping him with his shoes and warm coat before pulling my own on.
Turning around, I look one last time at the flat. Then, switching the light off, with the case in one hand and Rodoniel holding the other, I take a deep breath and lead us out the door, closing it behind us.
Even as we flee to safety, it burns my heart for, though I hate him for what he has done, I love Elrond still. But sometimes love alone is not enough, and I know that, no matter what, I will run and keep on running rather than give him another chance.
From now on we are free from him, free from his power, and I will do everything I can to keep us from harm, to keep my angel safe.
I will not be broken again.
Fin
Despite my previous resolution, I find myself back in the alley once more, trying to make excuses for my presence. I suppose I knew it would happen… I have tried to walk away before, always to return, unable to relinquish him to this life.
The door opens, and I step back into the shadows, too visible in the bright light of morning. He leaves the house, a small bag and the child with him…
Much too early for your normal trip to the park, Erestor. And something is different…your clothes are different. Gone are the skirts and sweaters, the curled hair and carefully made up face. Instead, I see a slender, jeans-clad male with long, shining black hair.
Without knowing what has happened, or where he is going, I do the thing that comes most naturally to me after all this time.
I follow.