Another day, another anniversary ....
So, here we are again.
April 25th, 9 years after I arrived tired and confused at Gatwick Airport. Never having left Australia before, never having travelled anywhere outside of Australia before. Leaving behind a boyfriend, a family and many friends, and stepping competely into the unknown; not realising I wouldn't be back for quite some time.
I documented my memories of arrival in England here on my LJ 2 years ago, along with some musings about rememberance and Rememberance Days. See for me the 25th of April is both an official and a personal Rememberance Day (the official bit is Anzac Day for those who understand, if not see linked LJ entry) and also day of rememberance. It's the day I arrived in the UK but also a National day of rememberance for my country, the significance of which is imprinted upon every citizen of that country. Double Wammy!
So here I am again. Remembering.
It's important sometimes to realise how far I've come, the work I have put in to move away from being the woman who arrived here, not realising for many years the real reason for coming half-way around the world - to find a place where I could plow face first into the concrete and then put myself back together again, learning how to be me as I need to be, not via the visions and projections of other people, how ever well intentioned they might be. I am so much more politically aware, racially aware, spiritually aware, self aware. I've still got a very long way to go, but I have made progress. Not as skillfully or perhaps as gracefully as I might have hoped, but progress none the less. There are still very big scarey monsters hiding in the closet, but there are less of them now. One by one the deamons are falling and I need to remember that, even if sometimes it feels like I'm having to battle through all of the orcs and urukai of Helms Deep.
I also need to remember that I have good friends around who wish me and invisible_al well and that will rally around when things get grim. How I wish that wasn't necessary, but I need to remember that it exists and that I am blessed for that being the case. It doesn't make things go away, but hopefully it makes things a lot less dark.
Hold tight, head down, move forward. And one day I'll remember to Relax.
April 25th, 9 years after I arrived tired and confused at Gatwick Airport. Never having left Australia before, never having travelled anywhere outside of Australia before. Leaving behind a boyfriend, a family and many friends, and stepping competely into the unknown; not realising I wouldn't be back for quite some time.
I documented my memories of arrival in England here on my LJ 2 years ago, along with some musings about rememberance and Rememberance Days. See for me the 25th of April is both an official and a personal Rememberance Day (the official bit is Anzac Day for those who understand, if not see linked LJ entry) and also day of rememberance. It's the day I arrived in the UK but also a National day of rememberance for my country, the significance of which is imprinted upon every citizen of that country. Double Wammy!
So here I am again. Remembering.
It's important sometimes to realise how far I've come, the work I have put in to move away from being the woman who arrived here, not realising for many years the real reason for coming half-way around the world - to find a place where I could plow face first into the concrete and then put myself back together again, learning how to be me as I need to be, not via the visions and projections of other people, how ever well intentioned they might be. I am so much more politically aware, racially aware, spiritually aware, self aware. I've still got a very long way to go, but I have made progress. Not as skillfully or perhaps as gracefully as I might have hoped, but progress none the less. There are still very big scarey monsters hiding in the closet, but there are less of them now. One by one the deamons are falling and I need to remember that, even if sometimes it feels like I'm having to battle through all of the orcs and urukai of Helms Deep.
I also need to remember that I have good friends around who wish me and invisible_al well and that will rally around when things get grim. How I wish that wasn't necessary, but I need to remember that it exists and that I am blessed for that being the case. It doesn't make things go away, but hopefully it makes things a lot less dark.
Hold tight, head down, move forward. And one day I'll remember to Relax.