Being so that People will Stop Worrying
OK, so it turns out that I am not moving out. I looked into the feasibility of it and have determined that it is unfeasible. So Meg is still living on Rinna's couch and I am trapped where I am. There is something secure about acknowledging my imprisonment. It means that I don't have to worry about getting out and I can cope instead.
Basically, for those of you (being every one of my online friends with the exception of Heather) who don't know what is going on; on the 14th I told Meg that I would get a loan and move out with her. This began a long series of ups and downs between panic attacks derived from worry and bottomless depression. I even got smashed out of my tree a couple times but I told Mike to make me stop that.
The source of my worry was obvious. I wanted to move out but didn't know if I could. It was also going to be a huge step for me. There is also the fact that I had all my midterms in the middle of this. I was unable to tell my Mom about what was happening or going to happen because she was in Ottawa visiting family at the time. My depression was simply because the fact that I was dissatisfied with home enough to want to leave had hit me like a sack of bricks. All the reasons that I was unhappy with my current situation were suddenly dragged out of my subconscious and into the sun where there were suddenly becoming an obsession.
But I crunched the numbers and decided it was an impossibility. So I am staying where I am. But a couple of good things have come out of this. Dad and I have decided to patch our relationship. He is also going to put a better lock on my door. I have a bit of money since I am not moving out so I can spend a little of it redecorating my room now that I have new furniture and I can make it more of a safe haven than it was before. Oh and Dad says he will buy me a mini-fridge for my room. Ridiculous but also awesome. I think Dad is also going to try to be nicer to Jessie. It all might work out and most of the problems that were there might be lessened if not go away. The only issue is that I will still be lonely. But I think i can deal with that. I've reconnected with Catherine and Meg because of this moving thing.
The bottom line guys, is that I am ok now. I'm sorry for worrying those who knew and those who didn't know, I'm sorry I disappeared on you guys. I'll be alright now. I love you all.
[Mood|
Good]
[Music|Maroon 5 ~ Makes Me Wonder]
[Location|Rinna's Pad]
Basically, for those of you (being every one of my online friends with the exception of Heather) who don't know what is going on; on the 14th I told Meg that I would get a loan and move out with her. This began a long series of ups and downs between panic attacks derived from worry and bottomless depression. I even got smashed out of my tree a couple times but I told Mike to make me stop that.
The source of my worry was obvious. I wanted to move out but didn't know if I could. It was also going to be a huge step for me. There is also the fact that I had all my midterms in the middle of this. I was unable to tell my Mom about what was happening or going to happen because she was in Ottawa visiting family at the time. My depression was simply because the fact that I was dissatisfied with home enough to want to leave had hit me like a sack of bricks. All the reasons that I was unhappy with my current situation were suddenly dragged out of my subconscious and into the sun where there were suddenly becoming an obsession.
But I crunched the numbers and decided it was an impossibility. So I am staying where I am. But a couple of good things have come out of this. Dad and I have decided to patch our relationship. He is also going to put a better lock on my door. I have a bit of money since I am not moving out so I can spend a little of it redecorating my room now that I have new furniture and I can make it more of a safe haven than it was before. Oh and Dad says he will buy me a mini-fridge for my room. Ridiculous but also awesome. I think Dad is also going to try to be nicer to Jessie. It all might work out and most of the problems that were there might be lessened if not go away. The only issue is that I will still be lonely. But I think i can deal with that. I've reconnected with Catherine and Meg because of this moving thing.
The bottom line guys, is that I am ok now. I'm sorry for worrying those who knew and those who didn't know, I'm sorry I disappeared on you guys. I'll be alright now. I love you all.
[Mood|
Good]
[Music|Maroon 5 ~ Makes Me Wonder]
[Location|Rinna's Pad]