Ox Herding...
I find it ironic that I have decided to revisit the series of pictures known to many as Ox Herding. For those of you who don't know, Ox Herding is a series of short poems accompanied by woodcuts meant to illustrate the stages of Mahayana Buddhism and the progression to enlightenment. While I could go into a long lecture on the meaning and symbolism of each woodcut and poem, I will, instead, elect to simply state what it has inspired. Besides, a long winded lecture on details defeats all things Buddhist. ;)
I have decided that I will be putting down my whip. That home and is where I want it to be. That peace is not found in constant seeking and fighting. All these things are within. In saying this, I will continue to share my journey, not with my father, but in my relationship with him. As an added bonus, my very amatuer poetry. Enjoy.
Dad's Message: A Response to My Previous Email
Laya,
Clearly there has been a big misunderstanding . In the heat of our last verbal altercation, I had thought that you said that there is no place in your life for me so long as I have a relationship with Nanette. I never asked anyone of you to have any feelings for her. But if she calls and you happen to be around , I am not going to walk away I will never force her or anyone for that matter to any of you. Iknow Ramon is not a coward.But I resented the fact that he elected to shun and reject me without telling me why. After all there's always two sides to a storyI expect at the very least to be heard out. As for Lian I found out she was not a part of all this family storm and I am truly for the things I said about her. I never demonized your mother about anything nor to anyone .She certainly is entitled to her own feelings. Please understand, I am not in any way trying to put your mom in a bad light. She is and will always be the best mother you can ever have.
There. It is a little load of my chest to have expresssed some of these things.
GOOD NIGHT .
Love,
Dad
My Response:
Dad,
Your email gave me quite a bit to think about. Although I'm sorry that there had been a misunderstanding, one thing has been made clear; that you would keep a relationship with Nanette at all costs, even if that meant losing contact with me.
I will not address anything to do with the rest of my family. Their reasons for their actions are their own. I only want to speak of my relationship with you. Your relationship with the rest of my family is between you and them.
I stand by the limitations that I have set in my prior email. While I appreciate you saying that it is not expected of me to carry on any relationship with Nanette, your refusal to so much as leave the room if she should call you is still a deal breaker for me. Let me explain my reasoning for that particular limitation.
Rage is not an emotion I allow myself to explore. The very thought of Nanette brings me to a state of rage. I will not subject myself to such toxic energy. The way that she has affected me and my family has already taken its toll. It continues to do so. Therefore, I have elected to avoid all things that lead me to that state.
Again, I am not asking for you to choose one person or another. But if you want to continue a relationship with me, these are my limitations. It's up to you whether or not you want to accept them.
Homecoming
A thousand lifetimes I searched for the path homeward.
Though home is a place I’d never been.
A thousand pathways lead to castles and cottages.
To cities and villages.
To oceans and prairie.
To Heaven and Hell.
I lived.
I died.
I won.
I lost.
And still, I wandered.
Until finally, weary and broken.
With nothing left to give,
With no more strength for step,
I lay under Luna’s light.
I gave up.
I let go.
My scars shone silver in the moonlight.
They shone, I say.
They glowed.
They were beautiful.
Each told a story.
Some were happy.
Some were sad.
All were perfect in their imperfection.
Every path taken,
Every road traveled,
Lead to this moment of beauty.
My home is here.
Here is everywhere.
My success will be in my defeat.
My existence will be in nothingness.
My journey will be landmarked with stumbles and falls.
My beauty will be in my scars.
Take a breath
And walk with me if you like.
Keep up with me if you can.
Or think of me fondly if our paths lead us astray.
Together or apart
I wish us safe passage.
May we all find our corners of the sky.
I have decided that I will be putting down my whip. That home and is where I want it to be. That peace is not found in constant seeking and fighting. All these things are within. In saying this, I will continue to share my journey, not with my father, but in my relationship with him. As an added bonus, my very amatuer poetry. Enjoy.
Dad's Message: A Response to My Previous Email
Laya,
Clearly there has been a big misunderstanding . In the heat of our last verbal altercation, I had thought that you said that there is no place in your life for me so long as I have a relationship with Nanette. I never asked anyone of you to have any feelings for her. But if she calls and you happen to be around , I am not going to walk away I will never force her or anyone for that matter to any of you. Iknow Ramon is not a coward.But I resented the fact that he elected to shun and reject me without telling me why. After all there's always two sides to a storyI expect at the very least to be heard out. As for Lian I found out she was not a part of all this family storm and I am truly for the things I said about her. I never demonized your mother about anything nor to anyone .She certainly is entitled to her own feelings. Please understand, I am not in any way trying to put your mom in a bad light. She is and will always be the best mother you can ever have.
There. It is a little load of my chest to have expresssed some of these things.
GOOD NIGHT .
Love,
Dad
My Response:
Dad,
Your email gave me quite a bit to think about. Although I'm sorry that there had been a misunderstanding, one thing has been made clear; that you would keep a relationship with Nanette at all costs, even if that meant losing contact with me.
I will not address anything to do with the rest of my family. Their reasons for their actions are their own. I only want to speak of my relationship with you. Your relationship with the rest of my family is between you and them.
I stand by the limitations that I have set in my prior email. While I appreciate you saying that it is not expected of me to carry on any relationship with Nanette, your refusal to so much as leave the room if she should call you is still a deal breaker for me. Let me explain my reasoning for that particular limitation.
Rage is not an emotion I allow myself to explore. The very thought of Nanette brings me to a state of rage. I will not subject myself to such toxic energy. The way that she has affected me and my family has already taken its toll. It continues to do so. Therefore, I have elected to avoid all things that lead me to that state.
Again, I am not asking for you to choose one person or another. But if you want to continue a relationship with me, these are my limitations. It's up to you whether or not you want to accept them.
Homecoming
A thousand lifetimes I searched for the path homeward.
Though home is a place I’d never been.
A thousand pathways lead to castles and cottages.
To cities and villages.
To oceans and prairie.
To Heaven and Hell.
I lived.
I died.
I won.
I lost.
And still, I wandered.
Until finally, weary and broken.
With nothing left to give,
With no more strength for step,
I lay under Luna’s light.
I gave up.
I let go.
My scars shone silver in the moonlight.
They shone, I say.
They glowed.
They were beautiful.
Each told a story.
Some were happy.
Some were sad.
All were perfect in their imperfection.
Every path taken,
Every road traveled,
Lead to this moment of beauty.
My home is here.
Here is everywhere.
My success will be in my defeat.
My existence will be in nothingness.
My journey will be landmarked with stumbles and falls.
My beauty will be in my scars.
Take a breath
And walk with me if you like.
Keep up with me if you can.
Or think of me fondly if our paths lead us astray.
Together or apart
I wish us safe passage.
May we all find our corners of the sky.