(no subject)
My sister, brother and I have been reunited for the first time since May. It feels great. And I'm so proud of how far they, especially my brother, have come. To top things off, my entire family was all together for the first time in two years last night... Yep, that includes my father. Unfortunately, our time together was short. My dad was leaning against the counter, watching us laugh and then suddenly said it was time for him to get home to his apt. All three of his kids tried to hug him goodbye. He wouldn't even stop. I could tell he was close to tear.
I can't help but think that in bringing his entire family together, he is very saddened thinking he can never be part of that again. Watching him walk away... it was like seeing someone with nothing look into a room with everything and then turning away because it hurts too much. I wish there was more that I could do, but my dad has to figure his stuff out on his own. Mom has been more than generous with him. It seems he can't stand to be around us. I don't think that has anything to do with any of us personally. I think it has more to do with the fact that the human spirit can only handle so much reality. In my dad's eyes, his reality is one where his family is forever broken and I know he blames himself. Again, I know I can't do anything more. I just remind him that I love him and must let him figure this out on his own.
I can't help but think that in bringing his entire family together, he is very saddened thinking he can never be part of that again. Watching him walk away... it was like seeing someone with nothing look into a room with everything and then turning away because it hurts too much. I wish there was more that I could do, but my dad has to figure his stuff out on his own. Mom has been more than generous with him. It seems he can't stand to be around us. I don't think that has anything to do with any of us personally. I think it has more to do with the fact that the human spirit can only handle so much reality. In my dad's eyes, his reality is one where his family is forever broken and I know he blames himself. Again, I know I can't do anything more. I just remind him that I love him and must let him figure this out on his own.