The truth behind the smile
The truth behind the smile
Disclaimer: I own nothing!!
Part: 14 of 25
50 years after the execution
"Happy birthday daddy," cried Rangiku as both she and Shunsui jumped onto Kyoraku's futon, "I brought you a present!" she said holding up a sake bottle.
"Where on earth did you get that!" demanded Nanao, who had followed the kids into the room.
"I asked Shuhei-chan to buy it for me, since the shop keeper wouldn't sell it to me," explained Rangiku.
Nanao touched her glasses, "I am going to have to have a talk with Captain Hisagi."
Kyoraku, however, laughed as he sat up, "Relax Nanao-chan, it's not like Hisagi bought it for her to drink," he said as took the sake bottle from Rangiku, "Thank you Rangiku."
"I got you your favorite steamed buns," said Shunsui, "Just the kind to go well with sake."
Kyoraku laughed again, "Sake and buns, my two favorite things in the world after the two of you!" he said as he accepted the buns, putting both aside he grabbed the kids in a warm hug.
Rangiku giggled as Shunsui said, "Happy birthday daddy, we love you."
"And I love the both of you," returned Kyoraku as he gentled kissed each of them on the cheek.
"But you love me more, right?" demanded Rangiku.
"No he doesn't," interjected Nanao before Kyoraku could answer, "He loves the both of you equally, just like a good father should."
"Besides," countered Shunsui, "Everybody knows daddy loves me the most!"
"No he doesn't!" protested Rangiku, "Daddy! Tell Shunsui you don't love him more then you love me!"
Kyoraku laughed, "As Nanao-chan said, I love you both equally with my entire heart."
Rangiku was satisfied and smiled, but Shunsui looked puzzled, "That doesn't make sense. How can you love us both with your entire heart equally? That makes it sound like you have two hearts."
"But I do!" declared Kyoraku, "Here's one," he said as he pulled Rangiku to him and kissed her on the top of her head, "and here's another," he said as he pulled Shunsui to him and kissed him on his head, "My two hearts."
The kids giggled and hugged Kyoraku again; but Nanao had a worried frown on her face, You look like him and you have his mind too, she thought as she watched little Shunsui, How long before we have to tell you about him. Please, please don't ever find out. Please don't make us tell you. I don't ever want you to find out about that creepy, sadistic, selfish bastard that she had loved in violation of all sense and reason. Please, please, please don't ever find out about Ichimaru Gin.
5 months before the execution
"And Captain Kyoraku gave me a beautiful cot and Nanao a set of baby blankets," Matsumoto told Gin, as they lay cuddling on his bed. After much consultation with Captain Kurotsuchi, Captain Unohana had allowed her to spend a few hours a day in Gin's cell. However, her visits were strictly timed and Kira had taken it upon himself to make sure she didn't over stay her allocation. Something she was prone to do when wrapped in Gin's arms.
"Nemu and Captain Kurotsuchi gave me several pairs of Kitsune pajamas," she continued describing her baby shower, "I should have brought them for you to see. They are made of fur like material and the hood has little fox ears! The baby will look like a cute little kitsune in those Pjs!"
"Ya might wanna be careful before ya dress the li'l one in those," said Gin, "Ya never know with Captain Twelve. He Pjs might well turn the baby into a kitsune."
"You know, your right!" said Rangiku, "I'll have Urahara Kisuke check the Pjs before I put it on the baby."
"That's an idea," whispered Gin as he gently rubbed her belly. By his calculations it was extremely touch and go if he would live long enough to see his child. He didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. He was already having difficulty accepting his impending execution. Every night he would have nightmares of darkness, everlasting, never ending darkness. Fear would grip is heart and he would awaken shaking and sweating. He hated it. Why couldn't he do it? Why couldn't he face death calmly like so many others had? Why? Was it because of the regret he had? Was it because he really did want to be there for Rangiku, for the baby? Or was he just a coward? It was probably all of those things and more. He didn't want to die, he just didn't want to die.
"Still scared?" asked Rangiku.
"Petrified," he replied, "Why is it, Rangiku, that ya never scared of dy'n?"
"I can think of a ton of things that can make living unbearable," she replied.
"Like?"
"Living without you," she whispered, "Living without ever seeing your smile, never being able to see your beautiful blue eyes, never being able to feel your silky silver hair..." tears welled up in her eyes, "If I didn't have this baby inside me, I would have tried again Gin," the arm around her tightened, "I can think of other things that would make life unbearable and where death would be an escape. I was hoping for death the day you found me Gin. My life had been so lonely and so miserable before, when I collapse I was glad the end was near. I remember seeing the blue, blue sky and thinking, it's not a bad day to die. Not a bad day at all."
"Ya couldn't have been that resigned ta death," commented Gin, "Ya accepted my food."
"Because you were smiling, because you were more beautiful then the sky and because you were offering me food. No one had ever done that to me before. I cannot recall a single act of kindness from another soul before you came along. And just by coming along you made my life better. Less miserable. Even if you had walked away afterwards, you had succeeded in giving me hope. Hope that the world was not so bleak."
"I ain't beautiful Rangiku," replied Gin, "And I ain't all that kind. I saved ya cause you were beautiful. I knew ya had no one, cause if ya did ya wouldn't be ly'n there starv'n. I knew if I saved ya, ya would stay with me and I wouldn't be lonely no more. I was just think'n of myself. I always jus' think of myself."
"I know that," said Rangiku, slowly stroking his hair, "But I don't care. That's just you and I love you all the same."
Gin said nothing, just cuddled more into her. He really didn't want to leave her. He really didn't want to die.
Captain Unohana doubled checked all the test results. It all seemed correct, "Congratulations Vice-captain Matsumoto, it appears you are having twins."
Rangiku stared blankly at her for a good minute before exclaiming in pure joy, "Twins! That's great! Can you tell if they are girls or boys yet?"
"It would appear that one is a boy and the other is a girl," replied Unohana claimly, "But I warn you that it is too early to tell with surety."
Rangiku wasn't listening, "A boy and a girl! That's great! I hope the boy has silver hair. I would name him Gin. Gin! I have to go tell Gin," with that she rushed out of the room.
Unohana sighed, she was glad Rangiku was happy but she had grave concerns for her health. She was seriously concerned that Rangiku may not be able to carry both the babies to term. However, her mental health was more of a concern then her physical health and that alone made her hold her tongue regarding her fears. Do you have any comprehension of the hurt you have caused her Ichimaru? she found herself thinking, Do you have any comprehension of the hurt you are going to cause her? There will never be a happy ending for her. Even if both the babies survive, she will never be the same. Never. Do you even care? She sighed again. Thoughts like that were not helping. she would do all that she could and have faith in Rangiku for the rest.
Kira was there when Rangiku came to Ichimaru's cell, "Twins, Captain!" he said excitedly upon hearing the new, "Isn't it great!"
"Yeah, it's great. Now ya can have the boy ya wanted Rangiku and ya can have the girl I always said ya should have," said Gin.
Rangiku laughed, "I am going to name the boy Gin. Hopefully he'll have your hair and then the name can make sense. Nor else it would be kind of weird."
Gin's smile faltered at that, "Don' do that," he said, "Don' name 'im after me. He'll have enough ta deal with without hav'n my name."
"But Gin..." started Rangiku.
"Please," he whispered.
"Captain..."
Rangiku could count on one hand the number of times she had heard him say please. Kira couldn't remember ever hearing his captain say please. "Very well," Rangiku relented, "So what do you want to name them?"
"Name the girl after yerself," said Gin, "I always loved yer name."
"And the boy?" asked Rangiku.
Gin opened his mouth but abruptly closed it again and hid behind his smiling mask, "Ya can name 'im Toshiro after captain ten."
"Argh! No," said Rangiku, "We have too may Shiro's running around already. Which reminds me, my break is almost over," she said as she started to rush off, "I'll be back later Gin!"
After she left, "You were going to suggest Souske weren't you, Captain," Kira stated with absolute certainty.
"He was someone important ta me," replied Ichimaru, "Don' get me wrong. I don' wan' my kid tak'n after Cap'n Aizen. I don' wan' my kid screwing up 'is life. But Cap'n Aizen had meant a lot ta me," Gin sighed, "It ain't possible now thou. Name'n 'im after Cap'n Aizen. Rangiku wouldn' do it and even if she did fer my sake, it wouldn' be right."
"No," agreed Kira, "It wouldn't be right."
Disclaimer: I own nothing!!
Part: 14 of 25
50 years after the execution
"Happy birthday daddy," cried Rangiku as both she and Shunsui jumped onto Kyoraku's futon, "I brought you a present!" she said holding up a sake bottle.
"Where on earth did you get that!" demanded Nanao, who had followed the kids into the room.
"I asked Shuhei-chan to buy it for me, since the shop keeper wouldn't sell it to me," explained Rangiku.
Nanao touched her glasses, "I am going to have to have a talk with Captain Hisagi."
Kyoraku, however, laughed as he sat up, "Relax Nanao-chan, it's not like Hisagi bought it for her to drink," he said as took the sake bottle from Rangiku, "Thank you Rangiku."
"I got you your favorite steamed buns," said Shunsui, "Just the kind to go well with sake."
Kyoraku laughed again, "Sake and buns, my two favorite things in the world after the two of you!" he said as he accepted the buns, putting both aside he grabbed the kids in a warm hug.
Rangiku giggled as Shunsui said, "Happy birthday daddy, we love you."
"And I love the both of you," returned Kyoraku as he gentled kissed each of them on the cheek.
"But you love me more, right?" demanded Rangiku.
"No he doesn't," interjected Nanao before Kyoraku could answer, "He loves the both of you equally, just like a good father should."
"Besides," countered Shunsui, "Everybody knows daddy loves me the most!"
"No he doesn't!" protested Rangiku, "Daddy! Tell Shunsui you don't love him more then you love me!"
Kyoraku laughed, "As Nanao-chan said, I love you both equally with my entire heart."
Rangiku was satisfied and smiled, but Shunsui looked puzzled, "That doesn't make sense. How can you love us both with your entire heart equally? That makes it sound like you have two hearts."
"But I do!" declared Kyoraku, "Here's one," he said as he pulled Rangiku to him and kissed her on the top of her head, "and here's another," he said as he pulled Shunsui to him and kissed him on his head, "My two hearts."
The kids giggled and hugged Kyoraku again; but Nanao had a worried frown on her face, You look like him and you have his mind too, she thought as she watched little Shunsui, How long before we have to tell you about him. Please, please don't ever find out. Please don't make us tell you. I don't ever want you to find out about that creepy, sadistic, selfish bastard that she had loved in violation of all sense and reason. Please, please, please don't ever find out about Ichimaru Gin.
5 months before the execution
"And Captain Kyoraku gave me a beautiful cot and Nanao a set of baby blankets," Matsumoto told Gin, as they lay cuddling on his bed. After much consultation with Captain Kurotsuchi, Captain Unohana had allowed her to spend a few hours a day in Gin's cell. However, her visits were strictly timed and Kira had taken it upon himself to make sure she didn't over stay her allocation. Something she was prone to do when wrapped in Gin's arms.
"Nemu and Captain Kurotsuchi gave me several pairs of Kitsune pajamas," she continued describing her baby shower, "I should have brought them for you to see. They are made of fur like material and the hood has little fox ears! The baby will look like a cute little kitsune in those Pjs!"
"Ya might wanna be careful before ya dress the li'l one in those," said Gin, "Ya never know with Captain Twelve. He Pjs might well turn the baby into a kitsune."
"You know, your right!" said Rangiku, "I'll have Urahara Kisuke check the Pjs before I put it on the baby."
"That's an idea," whispered Gin as he gently rubbed her belly. By his calculations it was extremely touch and go if he would live long enough to see his child. He didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. He was already having difficulty accepting his impending execution. Every night he would have nightmares of darkness, everlasting, never ending darkness. Fear would grip is heart and he would awaken shaking and sweating. He hated it. Why couldn't he do it? Why couldn't he face death calmly like so many others had? Why? Was it because of the regret he had? Was it because he really did want to be there for Rangiku, for the baby? Or was he just a coward? It was probably all of those things and more. He didn't want to die, he just didn't want to die.
"Still scared?" asked Rangiku.
"Petrified," he replied, "Why is it, Rangiku, that ya never scared of dy'n?"
"I can think of a ton of things that can make living unbearable," she replied.
"Like?"
"Living without you," she whispered, "Living without ever seeing your smile, never being able to see your beautiful blue eyes, never being able to feel your silky silver hair..." tears welled up in her eyes, "If I didn't have this baby inside me, I would have tried again Gin," the arm around her tightened, "I can think of other things that would make life unbearable and where death would be an escape. I was hoping for death the day you found me Gin. My life had been so lonely and so miserable before, when I collapse I was glad the end was near. I remember seeing the blue, blue sky and thinking, it's not a bad day to die. Not a bad day at all."
"Ya couldn't have been that resigned ta death," commented Gin, "Ya accepted my food."
"Because you were smiling, because you were more beautiful then the sky and because you were offering me food. No one had ever done that to me before. I cannot recall a single act of kindness from another soul before you came along. And just by coming along you made my life better. Less miserable. Even if you had walked away afterwards, you had succeeded in giving me hope. Hope that the world was not so bleak."
"I ain't beautiful Rangiku," replied Gin, "And I ain't all that kind. I saved ya cause you were beautiful. I knew ya had no one, cause if ya did ya wouldn't be ly'n there starv'n. I knew if I saved ya, ya would stay with me and I wouldn't be lonely no more. I was just think'n of myself. I always jus' think of myself."
"I know that," said Rangiku, slowly stroking his hair, "But I don't care. That's just you and I love you all the same."
Gin said nothing, just cuddled more into her. He really didn't want to leave her. He really didn't want to die.
Captain Unohana doubled checked all the test results. It all seemed correct, "Congratulations Vice-captain Matsumoto, it appears you are having twins."
Rangiku stared blankly at her for a good minute before exclaiming in pure joy, "Twins! That's great! Can you tell if they are girls or boys yet?"
"It would appear that one is a boy and the other is a girl," replied Unohana claimly, "But I warn you that it is too early to tell with surety."
Rangiku wasn't listening, "A boy and a girl! That's great! I hope the boy has silver hair. I would name him Gin. Gin! I have to go tell Gin," with that she rushed out of the room.
Unohana sighed, she was glad Rangiku was happy but she had grave concerns for her health. She was seriously concerned that Rangiku may not be able to carry both the babies to term. However, her mental health was more of a concern then her physical health and that alone made her hold her tongue regarding her fears. Do you have any comprehension of the hurt you have caused her Ichimaru? she found herself thinking, Do you have any comprehension of the hurt you are going to cause her? There will never be a happy ending for her. Even if both the babies survive, she will never be the same. Never. Do you even care? She sighed again. Thoughts like that were not helping. she would do all that she could and have faith in Rangiku for the rest.
Kira was there when Rangiku came to Ichimaru's cell, "Twins, Captain!" he said excitedly upon hearing the new, "Isn't it great!"
"Yeah, it's great. Now ya can have the boy ya wanted Rangiku and ya can have the girl I always said ya should have," said Gin.
Rangiku laughed, "I am going to name the boy Gin. Hopefully he'll have your hair and then the name can make sense. Nor else it would be kind of weird."
Gin's smile faltered at that, "Don' do that," he said, "Don' name 'im after me. He'll have enough ta deal with without hav'n my name."
"But Gin..." started Rangiku.
"Please," he whispered.
"Captain..."
Rangiku could count on one hand the number of times she had heard him say please. Kira couldn't remember ever hearing his captain say please. "Very well," Rangiku relented, "So what do you want to name them?"
"Name the girl after yerself," said Gin, "I always loved yer name."
"And the boy?" asked Rangiku.
Gin opened his mouth but abruptly closed it again and hid behind his smiling mask, "Ya can name 'im Toshiro after captain ten."
"Argh! No," said Rangiku, "We have too may Shiro's running around already. Which reminds me, my break is almost over," she said as she started to rush off, "I'll be back later Gin!"
After she left, "You were going to suggest Souske weren't you, Captain," Kira stated with absolute certainty.
"He was someone important ta me," replied Ichimaru, "Don' get me wrong. I don' wan' my kid tak'n after Cap'n Aizen. I don' wan' my kid screwing up 'is life. But Cap'n Aizen had meant a lot ta me," Gin sighed, "It ain't possible now thou. Name'n 'im after Cap'n Aizen. Rangiku wouldn' do it and even if she did fer my sake, it wouldn' be right."
"No," agreed Kira, "It wouldn't be right."