(no subject)
Something I've struggled to articulate about the difference in the way that men and women live their lives, Melissa at Shakesville rather nicely sums it up.
In her post on why rape is not considered a hate crime, because overwhelmingly, legislators are men, who are:
Almost totally unlikely to have lived a life being told to be careful what you wear, how you wear it, how you carry yourself, where you walk, when you walk there, with whom you walk, whom you trust, what you do, where you do it, with whom you do it, what you drink, how much you drink, whether you make eye contact, if you're alone, if you're with a stranger, if you're in a group, if you're in a group of strangers, if it's dark, if the area is unfamiliar, if you're carrying something, how you carry it, what kind of shoes you're wearing in case you have to run, what kind of purse you carry, what jewelry you wear, what time it is, what street it is, what environment it is, how many people you sleep with, what kind of people you sleep with, who your friends are, to whom you give your number, who's around when the delivery guy comes, to get an apartment where you can see who's at the door before they can see you, to check before you open the door to the delivery guy, to own a dog or a dog-sound-making machine, to get a roommate, to take self-defense, to always be alert always pay attention always watch your back always be aware of your surroundings and never let your guard down for a moment lest you be sexually assaulted and if you are and didn't follow all the rules it's your fault, which you probably already know firsthand from seeing about 1 in 6 of your girlfriends going through it and getting victim-blamed, at least once and frequently more.
That right there is the difference. From birth, girls and women are bombarded with these messages, these rules on how not to be assaulted, as if following them will guarantee you won't be raped. And men just aren't hit with these same messages day in and day out. They don't live their lives with it like women do, as Melissa puts it "quietly but persistently terrorized by the ever-present possibility of sexual assault."
(PLEASE don't tell me about one case where it didn't apply, or how you're a woman and you never got those messages. I'm talking about women as a group here, and men as a group. It's just not the same. It's in the media, it's in the email forwards, it's in the messages mothers give their daughters, teachers and police give to students, books and articles on how to be safe, etc.)
In her post on why rape is not considered a hate crime, because overwhelmingly, legislators are men, who are:
Almost totally unlikely to have lived a life being told to be careful what you wear, how you wear it, how you carry yourself, where you walk, when you walk there, with whom you walk, whom you trust, what you do, where you do it, with whom you do it, what you drink, how much you drink, whether you make eye contact, if you're alone, if you're with a stranger, if you're in a group, if you're in a group of strangers, if it's dark, if the area is unfamiliar, if you're carrying something, how you carry it, what kind of shoes you're wearing in case you have to run, what kind of purse you carry, what jewelry you wear, what time it is, what street it is, what environment it is, how many people you sleep with, what kind of people you sleep with, who your friends are, to whom you give your number, who's around when the delivery guy comes, to get an apartment where you can see who's at the door before they can see you, to check before you open the door to the delivery guy, to own a dog or a dog-sound-making machine, to get a roommate, to take self-defense, to always be alert always pay attention always watch your back always be aware of your surroundings and never let your guard down for a moment lest you be sexually assaulted and if you are and didn't follow all the rules it's your fault, which you probably already know firsthand from seeing about 1 in 6 of your girlfriends going through it and getting victim-blamed, at least once and frequently more.
That right there is the difference. From birth, girls and women are bombarded with these messages, these rules on how not to be assaulted, as if following them will guarantee you won't be raped. And men just aren't hit with these same messages day in and day out. They don't live their lives with it like women do, as Melissa puts it "quietly but persistently terrorized by the ever-present possibility of sexual assault."
(PLEASE don't tell me about one case where it didn't apply, or how you're a woman and you never got those messages. I'm talking about women as a group here, and men as a group. It's just not the same. It's in the media, it's in the email forwards, it's in the messages mothers give their daughters, teachers and police give to students, books and articles on how to be safe, etc.)