Blah.
Why does everything have to be so difficult? So many things confuse me, or slightly irritate me, and there is really not much I can do about it. I just end up being frustrated and lost.
What am I doing wrong? For some reason, I just cannot keep friendships. Maybe I do not show enough appreciation or affection, but it feels so fake if I should do it just out of nowhere, not because the emotions are fake, but because it is not really me to do something like that. I probably take it too much for granted that people know what they mean to me, but they don't, and so they drift away, quietly, until I painfully realise I have lost another friend.
Why am I not social? That is a question that keeps coming back, I cherish my solitude so much that sometimes, it is probably too much, I should spend more time with people and socialise and make friendships, but I suck at it, if I go out I just end up being bored, when I talk to people, they just do not share my interest, I probably come across as a boring geek that have nothing in common with them, and it is probably true, I do not have much in common with those who frequent those places.
Why am I so lost? I just don't know what to do, I have an Internet friend that I am really close to, but he is drifting away too, and I miss him like crazy but I don't want to push and I just cannot make promises I cannot keep, and the last thing I want to do is to hurt him.
Why isn't love all around? I watched "Love, Actually" yesterday, it was a nice movie, but I keep wondering where all the love is, it is definitely not in my life, as I hardly meet anyone in person, not that it is not my fault, it is, but I do not think I would mind some occasional love, but to me, that stuff is just something that happens in the movies, at least nowadays.
So, why does everything have to be so difficult?
Blah.