She brought me cookies!

[flying_stag]

Who? Helga and James (and Sirius if he wakes up)
Open? No.
Where/When? Hospital Wing, afternoon the Tuesday after the duel with Fenrir.
What? James is having thoughts that bother him and after him thinking that maybe more pain potion would help, Helga has offered to come up and talk to James, to make him think instead of avoid. Sirius is asleep

Comments

[blessed_broc]

Helga was a bit nervous. She had heard a lot more about James Potter than any one person should really have said about themselves, and as much as she tried to not put stock in rumors, she knew far from what could be considered any sort of truth about him

[flying_stag]

James shrugged. "Like I got hit by the knight bus, to be honest, though that's an improvement over yesterday. Yesterday it felt like I was actively being run over by it, repeatedly." He smiled. "Those biscuits look marvelous."

[blessed_broc]

"If it's any consolation," she offered, "you don't look like you've been hit by the Knight bus. A little bruising but that'll go away in no time." Helga grinned again, a bit more sheepishly this time. "I hope they taste all right. I sort of improvised on the recipe."

[flying_stag]

"You should have seen me yesterday. My face was half covered in mushrooms." James peered at the cookies. "I'm sure they'll taste as good as they look. And I really wasn't expecting the milk. That's a nice surprise." He leaned against his pillows, which he'd arranged for sitting, and looked at the ceiling for a second. "So how does this talking thing go?"

[blessed_broc]

Her eyes widened in surprise. "Mushrooms?! Well, it could have been worse, right?" She picked up one of the cookies and inspected it critically for a second before taking a bite. "The talking thing... you just sort of... talk!" She took another bite of the cookie before picking up one of the mugs of milk. "I suppose whatever is on the top of your mind first, and then just let it all spill out. The more you can say, the better, but I understand if there are certain things you'd rather not mention."

[flying_stag]

"It absolutely could have been worse, but we won't get into how." James took a cookie and nibbled at the edge. "These are as good as they look." He smiled at her and took a big bite. It really was a good cookie. Delicious. He liked cookies. They were tasty. And made up for Remus not bringing him sweets. Remus. Right. He was supposed to be talking about what was bothering him. "Have you ever known that there was something horribly wrong with you but not been able to stop it?"

[blessed_broc]

She grinned at the compliment, quite glad that she was able to share the result of her creation with someone. Helga waited patiently as she watched James run through his mental process before finally speaking again. A small frown pulled at the corners of her mouth in thought. "I can't say that I have, really. But I only just turned thirteen, so I would imagine there is plenty of time for me to experience something like that."

[flying_stag]

James nodded. "It's a recent thing for me. Well... No. Not quite." He sighed heavily. "I think I've always known, but I've just ignored it? I think there's something horribly and terribly wrong with me. Like I'm broken. I just keep messing everything up and I can't stop it. I see why I'm doing it, but there's no way to stop it." James broke off a piece of the cookie in his finger and tossed it into his mouth.

[blessed_broc]

"That's no reason to feel broken, or that something is wrong," Helga consoled. "For someone that is so charismatic, like you are, it would certainly be a bit troublesome to think that you might have to experience something uncomfortable." She paused for a second to finish eating the cookie. "Are these turn of events for someone else, or for yourself?"

[flying_stag]

"I don't know." James stared at his cookie. "I guess the most recent is because I hurt Remus. But it's always been there, ever since I started school. Yes, I have fun, but I seem to disappoint someone, no matter what I do and I finally see why. I just... barge on through with things. I don't stop to think." James interrupted himself, trying to stop the words from flowing out of his mouth by stuffing it full of cookie.

[blessed_broc]

"You might think it makes you seem like a bad person, but it is good that you have come to realise this, especially when you are troubled about a friend. It sometimes takes a really sharp jolt to be able to start to come to terms with something." Helga's eyes widened in surprise as she watched James stuff his mouth with cookie and let him brood over that for a few seconds before pressing on.

"I don't know you very well, nor do I know Remus, but you two have been friends for a long time, right? The best of friends are able accept things about you that you would not want to accept in yourself." She reached out for another cookie. "That would include accepting you despite your recklessness."

[flying_stag]

"It's not that he doesn't accept me. He always gets over being angry in the end. It just takes a little chocolate. It's that I'm not sure that I like... being like this. I've tried to stop it before, you know." James couldn't bring himself to look at her. He was afraid of seeing what she'd think. She might only be thirteen, but he always had an odd feeling around Helga, like there was something about her that could look right into him the way the Sorting Hat did. He picked up his milk and sipped at it contemplatively.

[blessed_broc]

Helga gave a gentle 'hmmmm' as she looked up at the ceiling in thought. "Well, I think part of growing up isn't just trying to stop being something. It just... has to happen?" She let out a soft laugh. "If you recognize what you want to change, and just continue on. Your friends are the ones that help you get over the hurdles." She tilted her head to the side. "Does that make sense?"

[flying_stag]

James thought about it. "Sort of. But it's..." James shook his head. "I don't always want to be so impulsive. I just can't help it. I try to stop and think but then something distract's me. If I told Sirius, he'd laugh at me. Remus would say I just wasn't trying hard enough and look frustrated with me. Peter would probably just stare at me for a couple minutes, then want to know what we were doing next." James sighed and swirled his milk around in his mug. "They can't help me and I can't help myself."

[blessed_broc]

"You can decide and try to be not impulsive, but I think your friends inspire some of that rashness in you, as much as you inspire it in yourself." She nibbled at the cookie she had been holding. "But in that case... It certainly is a long journal to correct yourself." Helga nodded sagely, then offered a smile. "They help you more than you think they do, though, I'm certain. Sirius might be the one to goad you into things, and Remus is critical of the things you do do, and Peter doesn't seem much to care. But!" She held up a finger and paused to make sure she had her thoughts in order before continuing. "Aren't these the reasons that you are trying to better yourself? You are doing it for them as much as you are doing it for yourself."

[flying_stag]

"But I can't. I literally cannot do it. I get so distracted that I forget I'm trying. I don't understand why. Everyone else seems to be able to focus for more than five minutes at a go." James took another cookie. "That's why I'm horrible. Because there's something inside of me that makes me this way and I can't stop it. Maybe it's some sort of curse or something." James looked up at her. "My friends could help all they wanted but I'd still be cursed."