ghzz D8
So, my manga for my Design Class is getting looked over tomorrow.
I hate it because I hate the fact that I know its going to be looked over with a fine tooth comb and its NOT GOING TO BE GOOD ENOUGH. So sorry, teacher who I dislike, but....I actually don't WANT to share it with you. I don't want to share it with anyone. I'll be honest; I could have three years, rather than 9 months, to work on it, and I still wouldn't want people looking at it, because it still wouldn't be perfect.
But okay, deadline in 38 days. I can deal. It's about the process, right? Not perfect aesthetics. Fine. I've been killing my inspiration for this with as much fucking process as I can take. I hate the limits. I hate the scrutiny. I prefer ART, dammit, but even then, my SIX SQUARE METER PROJECT FOR THAT WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH EITHER.
Mmm...I keep trying. I keep failing. I can't please others and please myself, apparently. But I wont conform.
So if I fail, then I fail with pleasure.
Mmm...and its been a week now, hasn't it? Shit... just, I can't get used to this. This whole being happy thing, and having someone love me as much as I love them. Trying so hard not to doubt, but I just can't believe it sometimes. I'm terrified that I'll wake up one morning to find that Kat's realized how much of a... well, freak I am.
Hnng, to bed and to work.
I hate it because I hate the fact that I know its going to be looked over with a fine tooth comb and its NOT GOING TO BE GOOD ENOUGH. So sorry, teacher who I dislike, but....I actually don't WANT to share it with you. I don't want to share it with anyone. I'll be honest; I could have three years, rather than 9 months, to work on it, and I still wouldn't want people looking at it, because it still wouldn't be perfect.
But okay, deadline in 38 days. I can deal. It's about the process, right? Not perfect aesthetics. Fine. I've been killing my inspiration for this with as much fucking process as I can take. I hate the limits. I hate the scrutiny. I prefer ART, dammit, but even then, my SIX SQUARE METER PROJECT FOR THAT WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH EITHER.
Mmm...I keep trying. I keep failing. I can't please others and please myself, apparently. But I wont conform.
So if I fail, then I fail with pleasure.
Mmm...and its been a week now, hasn't it? Shit... just, I can't get used to this. This whole being happy thing, and having someone love me as much as I love them. Trying so hard not to doubt, but I just can't believe it sometimes. I'm terrified that I'll wake up one morning to find that Kat's realized how much of a... well, freak I am.
Hnng, to bed and to work.