but all the reasons I gave were just lies to buy myself some time
sad entry again. but what it really means is that there hasn't been another really bad moment ... well, there have been a few. the thing is, those aren't representative of my summer. it's really pretty good so far. i'm switching down meds again, which is why today felt so bad. i hung out with ben and a couple of his friends and it was good, but... yeah. i realized i'm jealous of people who do more exciting things, who have bigger social lives... i feel bored with my life... unsatisfied. and everything is magnified times a billion because of the meds shift, i think, but right now it feels pretty awful. i really need to see my therapist - will call tomorrow. and will set up driving appointments tomorrow because that will be awesome. if i get my license that would open up a whole bunch of opportunities. i started almost diary-keeping again - i've been writing when feeling really upset. it's good for me, it's a good coping skill... i need to busy myself with hobbies again so i feel like i'm getting something accomplished. siiiiigh. things will get better - i just want them to stay that way. and so much of summer is already gone!...