The first day of Spring...
So, today was the first day of Spring. Out here on the farm, it's been beautiful; the skies have been clear and blue, the sun has been shining, and the snow has been melting. We had patches of snow that were more than 3' thick, and now there are many areas where the grass can be seen again. The slough is full of water, and there is enough standing water in some of the fields that I have actually seen Canada Geese swimming in it. There will be more cold days ahead until things really warm up, but I think we are pretty much past the days of -30c temperatures. At least, I hope so.
Trixstir and the kidling went to her parents' farm on Wednesday, and I've been here by myself since. My memory might be a bit faulty, but I think this is the first time I've been here alone since we actually moved into the house. Yes, I was here myself last summer when we were getting things ready to move in, but then I was staying in town with my friend and host. It feels strange to be here by myself, but at least I have the cat and the horses for company. The house in Calgary feels much more lonely.
I talked to Trixstir yesterday, and the funeral for Frank will be on Monday. This actually helps a lot, as we had booked a major fund-raising event at the bowling alley for Sunday for the Cypress Hills Ability Centre, a non-profit group that helps the disabled and mentally handicapped. We were prepared to let them use the facility without us being there, but we're all rather relieved that this won't have to be the case. It means that I'll have to make a fast drive first thing Monday morning to Lucky Lake, but barring a snowstorm that shouldn't be an issue. It's only about a three-hour drive, and the roads are decent. One of the ladies organizing the bowl-a-thon turns out to be one of our neighbours, only five miles from our farm as the crow flies, and about seven by the roads. She and her family are horse-and-dog lovers, and will be happy to take care of the horses while we're away. It will only be for one day really (Monday night, and Tuesday morning feedings) but I'm relieved to have someone to look after things.
I'm about to get very spiritual here, with my beliefs and ideas about what happens after we die. For that, and because it's rather long-winded, I'm going to put it under a LJ-cut:
Although I am greatly saddened by Frank's passing, I do not mourn for him. My faith and beliefs tell me that Frank is in a better place now, no longer suffering the effects of illness and old-age, his health restored and his body young and strong again. No, I do not mourn for him. I mourn for those who are left behind, who's hearts ache with the emptiness that his presence once filled. To his family; his wife, his children and grandchildren, and his friends who are all missing him so. Frank was supposed to retire this spring, the auction sale for his farm equipment is on the first weekend of April. Very likely, the stress and anxiety of the upcoming sale is what led to his first heart-attack, and from there to his passing. It seems a cruel irony that days before he was finally supposed to have all the free time he'd ever want to spend with his family and grandchildren (whom he adored) that he should die. Life just isn't fair sometimes.
I suppose it might be a normal reaction (for those who believe in God) to ask, "Why God? Why would you take him now?"
I do not think that God takes people away from us. I do not blame God for Frank's passing, but I pray that God welcomes Frank back to him with the love and care that our faith promises us. I believe that God welcomes people back home, but that they come when they are ready, not because God takes them. I suppose a question might be, "How can one be ready to die, especially when it seems that they have gone before their time?" I don't have an answer to that. Perhaps (and these are just the musings of a tired mind) when we have done what we came here to do, when we have completed what it is that needed doing, that is when we "are ready." We may not recognize the moment, our friends and family may not recognize the moment, but it's there. As an example, we all know of people who are just miserable. They ruin the lives of everyone they touch, they lie, cheat, steal, and so forth. Then one day they "see the light" and turn themselves around. They become good, decent people, caring members of society, and then they get hit by a bus or have an airplane engine fall on them, or slip on a throw-rug and hit the wall in just the right way to break their neck and kill them instantly. And those who are left behind are all asking, "What the heck just happened?! When he was an ass you kept him alive, and when he became good you took him away from us! Why God? Why?!" It is my belief (yours may vary) that these people had a lesson to learn in this life; The lesson was how to love, and how to be loved, and once that lesson was learned their task was complete and thus their time had come. In their next incarnation, perhaps there will be a different task, or a different lesson to learn.
Having said that, you can probably tell that I'm a believer in reincarnation. I believe that while we are here, in this mortal world, we have no recollection of our past lives or of our spiritual existance. It is only when we "die" and return to the spiritual side that we are able to clearly see everything again. Thus, life and death as we see it from a mortal perspective are really only parts of the whole picture, parts of an everlasting journey. Death is only the end of one chapter, not the end of the story.
I am going to miss Frank. I had been looking forward to spending more time with him, learning from him, sharing with him. His grandson will miss him; he'll miss going fishing with Grandpa, he'll miss riding in Grandpa's truck or tractor, or listening to Grandpa's stories. There will be a small part of Frank in everyone who knew him, and it will always be there so long as we remember him. When our times come, hopefully we'll meet Frank again, and we can all remember the times we had; the good and the bad, the lessons we learned and the things we'd do differently next time. So no, I don't mourn for Frank. Frank is home, watching over us, and he'll be there to welcome us home too, when our time arrives.
Some might think that dying just before Spring is an awful thing. I'm not so sure. Frank picked a beautiful day to pass on; blue skies, warm sunshine, birds singing in the trees. If you believe in Life after Death, could there be a more appropriate time to pass on? As the Earth is reborn with the warmth of spring, so are you. To me, that's the perfect way to do it.