Bleah...
As I've mentioned over and over in this journal, I truly hate packing. Some people say that "hate" is an awfully strong word, but in this situation I think it's appropriate. If anything, I sometimes think that "hate" isn't strong enough.
Being alone in this house is a horrible experience. The house isn't old, haunted, creepy, or anything like that - but it is emotionally and spiritually draining to be here. When I was moving in thirteen years ago, the house was open and empty, much as it is now. The difference was that in that situation, it was the start of something new. It was the beginning, it was exhilarating. Finally a place of my own, and all that sort of stuff. This is the other side of the coin. This is the end of the chapter, the closure. It's about shutting everything down, packing it all away. That, I think is the key word. It's taking away, not putting stuff in. Of course, the reverse again is true on the farm - on the farm it's all new; and although it's a lot of hard work it's exciting and invigorating.
I understand now why trixstir was having so much trouble getting things packed up to ship out here. It's not hard to do when there is someone else present, but doing it alone is nearly impossible. It's not that it's physically impossible, the work itself isn't that hard. It's an emotional issue, almost akin to a severe depression. Those who suffer from depression will know exactly what I mean; It's almost impossible to do anything, even though you know you have to. The "cure" is simple enough - you just need another soul with you to provide that emotional energy to keep working. Thankfully, I've arranged to have Mom come over on Sunday to lend a hand. Not only will this provide the emotional energy that I need, but Mom's efficiency and organizational skills will be a great asset.
Tomorrow (Friday) I have several things to do outside of the house that will take up most of the day, but that should also bring a boost of energy from being outside and getting things accomplished. At least, that's the plan.
It's funny... When I was younger I was more of a loner; I didn't really like the company of other people that much, and I was quite happy to be on my own. These days, I find that I need some kind of companionship to keep myself sane. Perhaps that is part of what marriage does to you - you feel incomplete without your spouse, as if part of you is missing. And you know, really, I don't think that's a bad thing...