Washed With Light
Title: Washed With Light
Rating: G
Genre: Angst, romance
Characters/Pairings: Jasper, Alice, Jasper/Alice
Spoilers: General series;
Summary: From the darkness they emerge to be forged stronger in the light
Disclaimer: Everything Twilight related belongs to Stephanie Meyer, and is used without permission here. I, however, do not claim what is theirs and only what is mine. No infringement is intended and not used for monetary gain.
Notes: Unbetaed, cross posted. For
rillaotvalley who requested "Jasper helping Alice deal with learning about James' role in making her a vampire". I'm not sure how well this turned out, but this one is for you, hun, and all of your wonderful advice. :)
Washed With Light
There are some agonies in life that you cannot bear.
Some are for yourself. The broken hearts, when you leave or the one you thought was forever leaves and you have to pick up the pieces of your life. You have to keep going though you’re bruised and raw and feel like your world has come down around your ears and all you can think to do is cry and hope that love will come your way again. Then there are your pains and sufferings of loss, whether the death of someone close or when life’s circumstances take them to unreachable places. Or the overwhelming ideas and times that you are thrown into are sometimes too big for one person and no one person can possibly manage it all.
Some are for the world. In our world, reporters tell us daily of the sufferings of others in faraway places. Famine, war, poverty. And though your heart reaches out to them, wanting to hold them and tell them that it will be all right-though it may not-wanting to travel thousands of miles and help them in any way your hands can, you can only sit and watch, listen, as their lives revolve in a horrid wheel of strife.
But then there are the agonies of those closest to you.
Your lover, friend, brother. They always seemed so strong, but one idea, one event, changes everything and you, the dependent one, must become the one that takes them by the hand, pulls them to their feet and takes them out the door to show them the life still there.
- - -
The lights are out, and it’s obvious she hasn’t bothered to change her clothing or brush her hair. She is sitting on our bed, legs dangling off the side, barely touching the ground. She looks so small and fragile, and immediately, the feelings she hides behind her usual joy are laid bare and I am sent reeling as despair, confusion, anger, and hopelessness all crash into me.
“He’s dead,” she hoarsely whispers as I walk towards her, my silhouette falling over her as the light from the hallway behind me spills around my body.
I blink. “Isn’t that a good thing?” I gently ask. I don’t sometimes understand Alice; her ideas of justice and the innate goodness of all things are foreign. I wonder: shouldn’t she be happy James, of all the undead, is dead?
“But he knew me. Before I was a vampire. He'd have stalked me, watched me. He could’ve told me what I was like.” Alice’s voice is rising, becoming faster and more frantic. “Was I completely crazy, screaming and kicking and staring into space as things rushed at me through the darkness? Was I lucid at times? Shy? I mean, did he know about me and my life before I was changed, before…before…” she breaks off in a sob, and buries her head in her hands as dry tears rock her body, unable to cry though it is the most natural reaction in the world.
Startled, I hesitate a moment, but the pain that Alice emanates is by far the worst thing I have ever endured and I swiftly cross the room to the bed. I scoop her up in my arm and curl my body protectively around her, wishing I could take everything away. The pain, the loss, the suffering that comes with knowledge.
The strong one in our relationship has always been Alice. Full of vigor and love, she has always been the one never to doubt and to comfort, but now as she crumples into my arms, I realize the time has come and roles are reversed and I have to be the stronger one. And I’ve never been the type of man that comforts people with words. All I can do now is send the strongest waves of calm and reassurance to Alice that I can through the layers of hurt that she emotes.
“I’m sorry,” is all I can think of to say as she calms slowly, her head cushioned on my chest.
Alice looks up at me from her place within my arms, at home and comfortable. “I am, too. “
I feel slightly uncomfortable. Thoughts whirl. Does this mean she wishes she wasn’t a vampire?
“But then again,” she pauses, “whoever I was before the transformation isn’t me now.” Alice frowns as she says this, her tiny marble forehead wrinkled.
I sigh with gentle love and I brush the hair from her face and gaze into her tawny eyes. I stand, cradling in her arms and bound down the stairs and out the door. It’s nighttime, and atypical of Forks, the sky is completely clear of clouds and the stars are glittering brightly against the dark sky.
I set Alice down in the wet grass of the lawn and take her hands as she stares up, the light of the stars and the moon illuminating her face.
“Alice, it wouldn’t matter if you are human or vampire, I would love you just the same. You know that, right? You know I’m incomplete without you?” I tell her with all the earnestness I can muster, bending a little to better see her.
Alice’s face softens and she smiles, her skin faintly twinkling. “I know. And I’m no one if you’re not with me. I’m glad he changed me if only because I have you.”
- - -
Though we may be weak, it is for others that we must be strong. Though their pain may seem to be greater than that which we can bear, we must for their sake. For their weakness is what we must pull the strength to comfort them and assure them that everything will turn out all right in the end.
Rating: G
Genre: Angst, romance
Characters/Pairings: Jasper, Alice, Jasper/Alice
Spoilers: General series;
Summary: From the darkness they emerge to be forged stronger in the light
Disclaimer: Everything Twilight related belongs to Stephanie Meyer, and is used without permission here. I, however, do not claim what is theirs and only what is mine. No infringement is intended and not used for monetary gain.
Notes: Unbetaed, cross posted. For
rillaotvalley who requested "Jasper helping Alice deal with learning about James' role in making her a vampire". I'm not sure how well this turned out, but this one is for you, hun, and all of your wonderful advice. :)
Washed With Light
There are some agonies in life that you cannot bear.
Some are for yourself. The broken hearts, when you leave or the one you thought was forever leaves and you have to pick up the pieces of your life. You have to keep going though you’re bruised and raw and feel like your world has come down around your ears and all you can think to do is cry and hope that love will come your way again. Then there are your pains and sufferings of loss, whether the death of someone close or when life’s circumstances take them to unreachable places. Or the overwhelming ideas and times that you are thrown into are sometimes too big for one person and no one person can possibly manage it all.
Some are for the world. In our world, reporters tell us daily of the sufferings of others in faraway places. Famine, war, poverty. And though your heart reaches out to them, wanting to hold them and tell them that it will be all right-though it may not-wanting to travel thousands of miles and help them in any way your hands can, you can only sit and watch, listen, as their lives revolve in a horrid wheel of strife.
But then there are the agonies of those closest to you.
Your lover, friend, brother. They always seemed so strong, but one idea, one event, changes everything and you, the dependent one, must become the one that takes them by the hand, pulls them to their feet and takes them out the door to show them the life still there.
- - -
The lights are out, and it’s obvious she hasn’t bothered to change her clothing or brush her hair. She is sitting on our bed, legs dangling off the side, barely touching the ground. She looks so small and fragile, and immediately, the feelings she hides behind her usual joy are laid bare and I am sent reeling as despair, confusion, anger, and hopelessness all crash into me.
“He’s dead,” she hoarsely whispers as I walk towards her, my silhouette falling over her as the light from the hallway behind me spills around my body.
I blink. “Isn’t that a good thing?” I gently ask. I don’t sometimes understand Alice; her ideas of justice and the innate goodness of all things are foreign. I wonder: shouldn’t she be happy James, of all the undead, is dead?
“But he knew me. Before I was a vampire. He'd have stalked me, watched me. He could’ve told me what I was like.” Alice’s voice is rising, becoming faster and more frantic. “Was I completely crazy, screaming and kicking and staring into space as things rushed at me through the darkness? Was I lucid at times? Shy? I mean, did he know about me and my life before I was changed, before…before…” she breaks off in a sob, and buries her head in her hands as dry tears rock her body, unable to cry though it is the most natural reaction in the world.
Startled, I hesitate a moment, but the pain that Alice emanates is by far the worst thing I have ever endured and I swiftly cross the room to the bed. I scoop her up in my arm and curl my body protectively around her, wishing I could take everything away. The pain, the loss, the suffering that comes with knowledge.
The strong one in our relationship has always been Alice. Full of vigor and love, she has always been the one never to doubt and to comfort, but now as she crumples into my arms, I realize the time has come and roles are reversed and I have to be the stronger one. And I’ve never been the type of man that comforts people with words. All I can do now is send the strongest waves of calm and reassurance to Alice that I can through the layers of hurt that she emotes.
“I’m sorry,” is all I can think of to say as she calms slowly, her head cushioned on my chest.
Alice looks up at me from her place within my arms, at home and comfortable. “I am, too. “
I feel slightly uncomfortable. Thoughts whirl. Does this mean she wishes she wasn’t a vampire?
“But then again,” she pauses, “whoever I was before the transformation isn’t me now.” Alice frowns as she says this, her tiny marble forehead wrinkled.
I sigh with gentle love and I brush the hair from her face and gaze into her tawny eyes. I stand, cradling in her arms and bound down the stairs and out the door. It’s nighttime, and atypical of Forks, the sky is completely clear of clouds and the stars are glittering brightly against the dark sky.
I set Alice down in the wet grass of the lawn and take her hands as she stares up, the light of the stars and the moon illuminating her face.
“Alice, it wouldn’t matter if you are human or vampire, I would love you just the same. You know that, right? You know I’m incomplete without you?” I tell her with all the earnestness I can muster, bending a little to better see her.
Alice’s face softens and she smiles, her skin faintly twinkling. “I know. And I’m no one if you’re not with me. I’m glad he changed me if only because I have you.”
- - -
Though we may be weak, it is for others that we must be strong. Though their pain may seem to be greater than that which we can bear, we must for their sake. For their weakness is what we must pull the strength to comfort them and assure them that everything will turn out all right in the end.