And We're Halfway There (part IV)
Title: And We’re Halfway There
Author: enigmaxempress
Pairing: Yunho/Changmin, frustrated Yunho/Changmin/Jaejoong, and various OT3 pairings if you squint.
Rating: NC-17
Summary: They don't mind him, but Kim Jaejoong can't be ignored. Not that he purposefully calls attention to himself, just that you can't not look. There's just something about him you can't help but stop and stare at, three seconds of your life thrown away gaping but... It's three seconds that don't feel like a waste at all.
IV.
"You're really moving out?" Changmin asks casually; but Yunho knows better. They're sprawled side-by-side and leaning against the headboard of Changmin's bed: shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip. A little too close and already too complicated to explain to Changmin's mom if she ever comes in; Yunho shifts closer anyway. Changmin's got a book in his lap, but he's turning the pages too quickly, very unlike his thorough self and it's easy for Yunho to tell.
"Yes, I am," Yunho confirms, lifting the closest of Changmin's hands away from the book and tapping fingers against his palm. "It's not like I have to, but it is closer to the university."
"It's far from here." Changmin says quietly, sliding his hands against Yunho's so their fingers lace. Changmin's holding on too tight.
"Not that far, actually." Yunho squeezes back. "Less than an hour away. Plus, I'll be here every weekend. And on holidays, semester breaks - even days in between." He tries to be reassuring, because he's sure that this will work. Changmin just needs a little more time to be just as sure.
Changmin nods, eyes downcast and tries to pull away, but Yunho won't let him. He pulls Changmin closer, turns himself so that their lips touch in an easy kiss. Easy-always so easy-and almost as natural as breathing. Yunho revels in moments like these, the feel of Changmin pressing against him, him pressing back. Like a roller coaster ride that makes his stomach turn but has his heart lining up again and again. Yunho doesn't think he'll ever be able to get enough.
But there's also a natural progression to these things and it isn't long till there's a hand fumbling at his belt-not that he's any better with fingers splayed against the skin under Changmin's shirt. "Can't do this now," Yunho says, pulling away for only a second before Changmin's kissing him right back. "Your mom's downstairs."
Changmin sighs against his mouth. "Right," he presses the word onto Yunho's lips. Their foreheads touch and Yunho watches Changmin think with crossed eyes, too close to do it properly. Uncertainty is still there, but considerably less enough that Yunho gives in and kisses Changmin all over again, just because. "I thought we were stopping," Changmin gasps between kisses, stifling a groan when Yunho presses fingers just beneath the waistband of his jeans.
"We were." Yunho replies, emphasizing the past tense with quickly warming fingers rubbing the soft skin under Changmin's belly button. They shouldn't be doing this; he's older, supposedly more mature and should know better but Yunho really can't help himself.
"Hyung." Yunho is pretty sure that's a plea for more rather than the reprimand it should be. "Gotta stop. Jaejoong hyung will be here any minute." If Changmin thinks that's supposed to stop him, he's wrong. Yunho kisses Changmin that much harder.
There's a knock at the door before Yunho can properly reply.
"Is everybody decent?" someone whispers loudly, the question barely permeating the wood. It's definitely not Changmin's mom.
Changmin pushes against Yunho's chest, throwing him a warning glance. He rolls his eyes as Changmin waits for him to fix his belt before calling out, "It's open."
Jaejoong enters slowly, gaze lowered and Yunho thinks that's the closest he'll probably ever get to looking meek. He lifts his head when he's sure they're both clothed, leaving the door open as he walks into the room. "Your mom let me in," he says. "She said it was okay to come up." Jaejoong's eyes flicker from him to Changmin and then back again, knowing. Changmin's parents may be oblivious to the occasional rumpled state of his and Changmin's clothing, but Jaejoong knows. Yunho feels his ears burn even if he should care less.
"Yeah. We were just-" Changmin shoots him a glare and it's then that Yunho realizes he's scowling. "-doing some studying of our own."
"Studying?" Jaejoong says skeptically, and Yunho's eyes narrow at the accompanying smirk.
"All right. I'm leaving." Yunho announces decisively. He's setting himself up for disaster if he stays any longer. Jaejoong steps away to give him room to leave. "Happy studying."
"Not as happy as the kind of studying you guys were doing." Changmin coughs, trying to hide an obvious snicker and Yunho can't get out of there fast enough.
Things between him and Jaejoong are strained and awkward at best. The other boy is an anomaly: straightforward and transparent, his biting wit is tempered only by the flash of some unreadable expression Yunho's caught every now and then. He wouldn't care and it wouldn't bother him so much if it wasn’t directed at Changmin so often.
Yunho isn't stupid; he's seen that look before: unreadable, yes, but also dark and full of intent. He can't be a hundred percent sure, but the nagging suspicion of what it could mean doesn't endear Jaejoong to him. Jealousy simmers just beneath the surface, because Changmin and Jaejoong are left alone together more often than not. Jaejoong hasn't done anything but look so far, though given the opportunity-Yunho doesn't think Jaejoong will let it pass.
Except there are times he's caught Jaejoong looking at him like that; Yunho doesn't know what to make of it. He tries not to think about it at all.
Yunho drops by his house to take his sister to dance practice and her steady stream of cheerful chatter is just enough to keep his mind off what he left behind. He waves Ji Hye goodbye, watching till she's safely into the building before leaning against a nearby signpost. Yunho heaves a heavy sigh, confused as hell and fuck if he isn't tired of it. He stays there longer than is necessary, garnering curious glances from passersby and it isn't until Ji Hye presses her face against the window and shoos him away that he thinks to leave. It's relatively early so Yunho decides to wander the streets for a while, hoping to untangle the knot in his brain and relieve the odd twinge in his chest.
He happens by a convenience store and steps inside, heading for the drink section. He chooses his favorite drink, pausing when he spots Changmin's on an opposite shelf. He immediately grabs one and heads for the counter, pausing half way to double back and stand in front of the display again.
Yunho stands there for an obscenely long time before muttering, "Fuck it," and grabbing another can. He doesn't dare think about it, just rushes the poor cashier when it's his turn, paying for the items quickly before he can change his mind.
He walks a familiar route, the way to Changmin's so ingrained he could probably do it with his eyes closed. Yunho studiously ignores the weight in his hands, how there are three drinks instead of just two. He forces himself to think of other things, mundane things, like what tie he'll wear to graduation or if he's done with any of his own assignments.
Changmin's mother greets him at the door, smiling even if a little surprised to see him twice in one afternoon. She invites him to dinner, like she always does, but Yunho declines this time and says he won't be staying long. He takes the stairs two at a time and speed walks down the hall to Changmin's room, only to have his heart seize at the sight of the closed door. Suspicion worms its way into his thoughts until he's burning to press an ear to the door. Yunho doesn't though; he's got to have a little more faith, to trust Changmin and maybe-stupidly-even Jaejoong. He knocks the cursory three times but doesn't wait for an answer before entering the room. He needn't have worried.
Sitting near the window, the waning sunlight hits them at odd angles, slices of yellow and orange glinting off their bent heads. It's nearly picturesque, Yunho thinks, though it's kind of odd to include Jaejoong in the description. He's only ever noticed Changmin.
"Hyung!" Changmin looks up in surprise. "You're back?"
Yunho sets down his bag of purchases onto the study table and takes out the drinks. "Yeah. Didn't want to go home yet. Drink?" He gives one to Changmin who happily accepts, then slowly sets one down in front of Jaejoong. Yunho can't look at him, eyes darting to his face but looking away too quickly to decipher the expression on it.
"Good idea." Changmin agrees. "I should get something to go with these."
"Snacks would be great." Yunho sits on Changmin's bed, though it probably doesn't help much. He and Jaejoong still make an awkward pair.
Changmin leaves and the atmosphere is predictably uncomfortable, for Yunho at least. There isn't much to do except watch Jaejoong and whilst Yunho isn't inept at small talk, he as no idea what to say.
"You're staring," Jaejoong says, shifting in his seat. Yunho doesn't even try to deny it and neither does he stop. "And thanks. For this," he adds haltingly, lifting the drink in Yunho's direction.
"No problem." Yunho answers, leaning back on his hands. Might as well resume his blatant ogling.
He really is good looking, Yunho admits grudgingly, intrigued by the contrast of pale skin against dark features. Jaejoong's face borders on pretty, almost feminine, but his shoulders are wide and muscle strains undeniably against the sleeves of his shirt.
Jerking his gaze away abruptly, Yunho tries to stop himself from thinking that line of thought. But he's grown some kind of fixation it seems because his eyes go back to watching Jaejoong, unable to look away. Jaejoong's aware of him, head cocked to one side as he alternates between reading his textbook and matching Yunho's stare with one of his own.
"Problem?" Yunho asks. He can admit that there's an odd thrill in provoking Jaejoong and Yunho knows for a fact that the feeling is mutual. Yunho wonders if that's too bad a basis for friendship.
"Math isn't exactly my best subject and you staring doesn't help much," Jaejoong says, sounding annoyed, but his eyes hold that familiar glint of mischief Yunho’s seen before.
"Want me to take a look at it?" Yunho offers, walking over. Tentatively, he keeps a sizeable distance between them; Jaejoong has yet to answer. "I'm no Changmin, but I'm at least passing the class."
"I'm not failing," Jaejoong counters,"-anymore. It just takes me a while to understand the concept."
"Do you want my help or not?"
Jaejoong raises an eyebrow at him. "Fine. If you want to take a crack at it."
He pushes the textbook towards Yunho who comes to take a closer look. To his credit Yunho really does try to figure it out, even going so far as to borrow Jaejoong's pencil and a corner of his scratch sheet to work out the problem. But there are just some things better left to the experts and it isn't long before Yunho concedes defeat.
"Okay. So I might be worse at this than I thought." Yunho admits, slightly embarrassed at his failure. "But I seriously think that if you go with this formula, then-" he's interrupted by what sounds like someone choking, only to find Jaejoong trying to smother a snicker. "What? What's so funny?" Jaejoong starts to laugh outright and Yunho can feel his cheeks warm. "So much for trying to help." Yunho huffs, more embarrassed than offended. He scowls out of reflex, but does well in hiding the effect of Jaejoong's smiling face on him. He's the picture of mirth, a side of him Yunho's never seen before. He's laughing because of Yunho-whether at him or with him-and for some reason Yunho isn't that mad.
"You can stop laughing now," Yunho complains a moment later when the worst of Jaejoong's amusement seems to have subsided. Glower still intact, more halfhearted than anything, he adds, "It's not like you're any better."
"No, it's not that," Jaejoong says, sobering quickly though a smile lingers in place. "It's just... you're always calm and composed and so 'dependable' looking." He gives Yunho a once over, his eyes pointed and dark, a world resting just behind that half-lidded gaze. Yunho still isn't sure what it's supposed to mean. "I guess there are things even you can't do."
Changmin walks back in before Yunho can ask what's that supposed to mean?
"Sorry it took so long. My mom didn't want me to bring any up since it's so close to dinner." He sets the small tray of food on the table first, then turns to Yunho. "You sure you don't want to stay for dinner? Jaejoong hyung is staying." Yunho doesn't know what to make of that statement; is it supposed to repel him or make him more adamant not to leave?
"No thanks," he declines, suddenly in a hurry. "I should probably get going anyway. We've got dinner at home too."
"Wait," Changmin says when Yunho heads for the door. "You don't want any?" he gestures to tray, contents still untouched.
Yunho doesn't really have to go, not yet at least, but he doesn't like the way he's so reluctant to leave. "Ah, maybe next time. I've still got to pick Ji Hye up from dance practice."
He walks out, mind reeling at how badly he wants to stay. Yunho doesn’t even know how he goes about for the rest of the evening; he’s so distracted that he goes through the motions of his daily routine mindlessly. His parents ask him about it during dinner but Yunho just shakes his head an makes more of an effort to join in conversation so as not to attract further attention. Afterwards however - up in his room lying on his bed - his thoughts run rampant and he gets nothing out of it except a sleepless night. He studiously tries to ignore his ridiculous notions over the next few days, but Fate seems to have a different agenda.
--
"You don't really have to, you know."
Changmin nudges Yunho forcefully with an elbow to the ribs. "Don't say no to free food!"
Jaejoong snorts. "Typical," he says, throwing Changmin a pointed look over his shoulder before scooting into the booth they're shown to. "But I got a decent grade on my last test, so I figured Beanpole here deserves some credit."
Changmin's eyes narrow as he settles into his seat, though he makes sure his smile doesn't waver. "I'm glad I could help the mentally unable." The look on Jaejoong's face makes Changmin glad that there's a sizable amount of table between them.
"But you didn't have to bring me along," Yunho cuts in, suppressing a grin of his own. He can’t help it but Changmin and Jaejoong's antics amuse him to no end.
Jaejoong pauses his glower at Changmin to wave the comment away. "Don't worry about it. The more the merrier, yeah?"
A waitress comes to take their order and after a brief argument over toppings, they order two extra large pizzas and an abundance of drinks, courtesy of the waitress. She stays longer than necessary, taking her sweet time in writing things down, offering them various specials they have no interest in. It's a front obviously, using it to flirt outrageously with Jaejoong. It's a little awkward to watch him entertain her, but oddly fascinating too.
Jaejoong doesn't say much, letting her talk, but he knows exactly what to say in between pauses. It's not so much what he says, but the way he's looking at her. He's giving her his undivided attention, eyes seemingly interested and so full of intent that Changmin is sure his gaze burns. By the time she leaves to get started on their order, she's all flushed and smiling.
Under the table Changmin is surprised to feel a brush of fingers over the back of his hand. He turns his head in Yunho's direction, questioning because they're in public and neither of them are big on public displays of affection. Yunho doesn't spare him a glance; instead, Changmin is answered with a tap to his knuckles as Yunho resumes conversation with Jaejoong. It's then that Changmin realizes that he's digging fingers into Yunho's thigh. He lets up immediately, jerking his hand away in surprise and rattling the table in the process.
"What's wrong?" Jaejoong asks, shifting all that devastating attention his way. Changmin shakes his head, palms slick and wiping them onto his jeans.
"Nothing," he says, licking his lips in a nervous gesture, mouth dry. "Just...thinking."
"Oh. Well, see, that's never a good sign." Yunho comments, tone light.
"That's what I keep telling him!" Jaejoong interjects, lips curling into a grin. Changmin scowls as expected, but more to hide his fluster than in actual irritation. He's out of witty comebacks for the moment.
There's a gentle pressure right above his knee, Yunho's fingers delivering a reassuring squeeze before they start a soft, swirling motion. Changmin relaxes at the touch, realizing he's still tense. Their drinks arrive, this time brought by a different waitress. She doesn't linger as long as the first, but the attention Jaejoong gives her is no less.
Changmin tries not to let it bother him, because he doesn't understand why it does in the first place. It's been happening a lot lately though and it makes him uneasy. He notices little things about the older boy, taking an interest in everything he mentions. There's this odd want to please, an awareness that hadn't been there before. The worst part is that it happens even when Yunho is around and Changmin can't help but feel a little guilty. Yunho's the only one who's ever been on his mind, but Jaejoong's been popping up all of a sudden and Changmin doesn't know what to make of it. Most of the time, Changmin chooses to ignore it and it's been working so far. He can't help but wonder for how long though.
The food arrives, and Changmin is grateful for the distraction. He's still on edge, but eating proves to be a worthy diversion and it isn't long before Changmin comfortably joins the conversation again.
"I think you're making good progress." Changmin says evenly, mindful of his full mouth.
"Is that code for 'you're an idiot, thanks for trying?'"
"Nope. It's actually code for 'you're an idiot, but you just might pass.'"
"I'm not a complete idiot, Changmin-ah, thanks," Jaejoong replies dryly.
From the corner of his eye, Changmin watches Yunho listen to the rest of their banter, raising an eyebrow at one or two blatant insults. He's sure that they're quite interesting to watch. Their verbal sparring has no lasting effect on either of them, though their facial expressions have quite the effect on Yunho. He snickers behind a hand when Jaejoong comments on Changmin's 'black hole of a stomach,' unable to deny the statement and fights a grin at Changmin's retort about Jaejoong's mental abilities.
"I'm glad we amuse you." Jaejoong directs a glare at him, accompanied by one of Changmin's own. Yunho's face smoothens out, though he can't still the twitch at the corners of his mouth.
"Sorry," Yunho says, though he's not at all apologetic. "You guys are funny."
Changmin snorts. "Of course you'd think so. I'm being verbally abused and you don't care at all."
"You seem to be giving as good as you're getting," Yunho replies, smiling.
Jaejoong laughs. "So much for your knight in shining armor, Changmin-ah."
Changmin shushes him, scowling. "Thanks, hyung. Louder, please. I don't think everyone heard you."
Jaejoong's smile fades around the corners. "Sorry," he says more quietly, head swiveling around to see if anyone has heard. "That wasn't supposed to come out so loud."
Yunho reaches for his drink, shaking his head. "No, it's fine. It’s not like we’re trying too hard to hide it." An awkward silence; no one knows what to say and it's easier to focus on the food. Just as the silence becomes unbearable, the first waitress returns to refill their drinks and ask them if there's anything else they'd like. Changmin couldn't be more glad to see her.
Music blares all of a sudden, a familiar melody that has Yunho reaching into his pockets. He excuses himself momentarily after glancing at the screen. With the cell phone already pressed to his ear, he nods at Changmin before searching for a quieter place to properly take the call. A family of eight walks in and the waitress leaves reluctantly, obviously wanting to stay a little longer.
"Full yet?" Jaejoong asks, as they're left alone.
"Not quite." Changmin makes a show of taking the next bite out of his pizza, hoping it'll keep the awkward silence from settling again. It rarely does between them, but tonight seems to be the exception for all kinds of things.
"It tastes better when you aren't the one paying, doesn't it?"
"Got that right." Changmin grins, wiggling his brows as he reaches for another slice.
"Glad I could do my part in feeding the hungry."
Before Changmin can come up with a suitably scathing reply, someone's throat clears loudly, calling for attention.
"Sorry to disturb." The new comer says, tugging at his apron. Changmin recognizes him. Kim Junsu. Changmin's seen around at school and Yunho's mentioned him a number of times concerning graduation. He's dressed as one of the waiters, but the look on his face makes Changmin doubt he's about to offer them any kind of service.
Junsu's eyes flicker to Changmin before returning to Jaejoong. "Hyung. Can I talk to you for a second?"
"Is it important? Because I'm kind of busy here, Junsu." Jaejoong looks pointedly at Changmin just across the table. Looking back at Junsu, he's silent; the look in his eyes not quite friendly.
"It's not like anyone's dying, but..." For all the effort Changmin put into avoiding another awkward silence, Junsu just standing there plunges them right into one.
"Uh... why don't you go ahead, hyung? I can wait here." Jaejoong's eyes narrow at him, glaring, and it's a real one this time. Changmin is startled by the intensity, at a loss as to what he'd done in the last five seconds to deserve such a scathing look.
Jaejoong exhales audibly, mouth tight as he continues to stare at Changmin with hard eyes. "You heard him. Let's go." It's said in clipped tones, barely civil as Jaejoong pushes out of his seat. They go without another word and Changmin follows with his eyes. Nervous fingers pull at the hem of his shirt before slick palms run over the worn denim of his jeans.
Changmin's having a what the fuck moment, half pissed and with a right to be, but the other half is his stomach twisting in knots, left side of his chest mimicking the odd ache of his insides being squeezed dry. It's disconcerting and uncomfortable; Jaejoong is some kind of fucking amazing if one look makes Changmin completely lose his appetite.
He leans forward, reaching for his drink and pulling at the straw, lips dry. Changmin takes a deep breath, fingers tapping a harried rhythm onto the table as thoughts of Jaejoong churn in his mind. The older boy's been in his head a lot these days and the frequency is alarming. Changmin's got a one-track mind and he's already decided that Yunho is it. Why is Jaejoong even an issue?
He's honest enough to admit he's infatuated. It's hard not to be when he's so used to being over looked and since that the first time Jaejoong had looked at him and actually seen him, Changmin's pretty much fallen hook, line and if it weren't for Yunho, he'd be a sinker just like everyone else. It's by no means serious, but all things start out that way. Yunho had been an infatuation. The role model hyung his mother hoped he'd take after quickly went from infatuation to obsession, attachment and then - some way, somehow, nearly a year and a half later - it's a relationship.
Changmin's been dumb, but he's never been outright stupid. He knows where this is heading.
He rests back against his seat, body overtaken by frenetic energy that has Changmin wishing he had said no to free food this time around. His head swivels in the direction Yunho had disappeared to, wondering what was taking him so long. Changmin doesn't want to be left alone with his thoughts any longer; he's had enough thinking for one night. Jaejoong appears a second later and even if it isn't Yunho, it definitely beats being alone with his thoughts. However, that's before Jaejoong's expression registers and then Changmin just regrets the whole pizza invitation all together.
"What's wrong?" Changmin asks, concerned. Jaejoong doesn't look happy, a deep scowl twisting his usually handsome features into something dark and unapproachable.
"Sorry, Changmin-ah, but something came up. I need to go." He glances at Yunho's still empty seat and looks around. "Yunho's not back yet?"
That much is obvious, but Changmin doesn't think that this is the right time to point that out. He opens his mouth to say something neutral and placating, but ends up pointing behind Jaejoong instead. "Actually, here he comes."
Yunho comes up to them with an odd look on his face, focused intensely on Jaejoong for a second before looking away. It's quick enough that Jaejoong doesn't see it as he turns around, but Changmin does. "Everything all right?"
Yunho nods. "Yeah. Just Ji Hye. She says to bring her home some pizza."
"You guys can have the rest of it," Jaejoong offers, looking in a hurry to leave. "I just finished telling Changmin that something came up. I'm going to have to go."
"Are you sure, hyung? There's still a lot of pizza left."
Jaejoong shakes his head, already heading for the counter. "Yeah, it's all right. I'm just going to pay for it, then I really have to go. You guys stay as long as you like."
"I wonder what that's about," Changmin says aloud, watching Jaejoong interact with their waitress at the register without his earlier charm.
"Jaejoong's got his own problems," Yunho replies vaguely as Jaejoong walks out. Changmin looks at him to elaborate but Yunho just shakes his head. "Not our business, Changmin-ah."
Changmin frowns at the answer, not liking it even if Yunho has a point. But Yunho knows something though, probably overheard something he shouldn't have while he was away. Changmin wonders what it could have been. "I don't feel like eating anymore," Changmin says, looking at the half-eaten pizza they still have left.
"That's a first," Yunho says forcing a smile to try and shake off the somber mood. Changmin's grateful for the effort and spares him a caustic remark.
They opt not to stay longer, getting the rest of the pizza boxed for takeout. It's still a little early for either of them to be heading home and Changmin warms at Yunho's suggestion to detour to the park near Changmin's house. There's a playground there they've often abused, running down the slides and sitting on swings they're much too big for. They forego the usual abuse this time, choosing to sit side by side in the little sandbox with their knees drawn up, tracing pictures into the sand.
It's dark enough for Changmin to be a little bold, sidling up to Yunho so that they're pressed shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip. He's getting a little too tall to put his head on Yunho's shoulder, but they make it work somehow: Changmin slumps a little and Yunho sits a little straighter, messing up the way their bodies align. It's comfortable, perfect almost. Changmin wonders where Jaejoong is.
"I love you." Changmin says immediately, a little panicked, because he doesn't say it nearly enough. Yunho deserves to hear it. He's glad for the dark; it masks what he's sure is a distressed look on his face. "I know I- I don't say it often and sometimes it might seem like I don't, but I do. I do." His fingers reach for Yunho's hand.
"Whoa, there." Yunho pulls back to see Changmin more clearly. "Not that I don't love you too, but why... all of a sudden?"
Changmin shakes his head, keeping it bowed and out of Yunho's line of sight. "I'm serious. You have to know that...even if- no matter what or who or-"
"I know, Changmin," Yunho nods, squeezing Changmin's fingers back in confirmation. "I know." He probably understands Changmin's sudden urgency as much as Changmin does which is probably not at all. That's what makes what he does next even better. He looks around, eyes shifting quickly from left to right, makes sure no one's around, ducks his head and-
The kiss is short and light, nothing but a quick touch the lips, over so quickly it's almost as if it didn't happen in the first place. Still, it makes Changmin's breath catch, warms him against the chill of the night air and makes his stomach flip in that odd way girls are always talking about.
Best of all, there's no room for thoughts of Jaejoong, not when Yunho is this close and pressing even closer.
--
"Hello?”
"Yoochun-ah. Anyone else home?"
"No. Just me. Why--?"
"Let me in." A rustle on the other end and a moment later Yoochun opens the front door with his cell phone still pressed to his ear. His gaze his confused and a little annoyed, but not unwelcoming.
"Wouldn't kill you to ask once in a while." He moves out of the doorway to let Jaejoong in. The door is barely closed behind them before Jaejoong has Yoochun pinned against the wall
Yoochun hadn't seen this coming; Jaejoong can see the shock register on his face before he grits out a moan as Jaejoong grinds him into the wood. "You little shit," Jaejoong growls, sinking teeth into the soft flesh of Yoochun's ear. "You aren't even trying to fight it."
His hands are rough as they drag at Yoochun's sides, anger fueling the way his fingers relearn Yoochun's skin. Jaejoong grips his hips, shoving away the loose elastic of Yoochun's sweatpants. Yoochun is thinner these days, ribs more prominent and hipbones jutting out at sharper angles, but there are things about his body that never change. Jaejoong palms Yoochun's cock, pulling roughly at the head while he rolls his balls with the other hand. Yoochun keens, pushing his head against the wall as he thrusts into Jaejoong's hand. Jaejoong bites at the exposed column of his throat, not bothering to soothe the sting with his tongue.
"You're so fucking easy," Jaejoong hisses, his own cock jumping at Yoochun's needy moan. "You don't even care anymore, do you? You'd really let me fuck you right here, out in the hallway?"
"Jae, please - "
"Fucker." Jaejoong scrapes a nail at the thin strip of skin just behind his balls and Yoochun comes off the wall with a cry. Jaejoong feels every shudder as he comes, spilling into the tight fist of his hand. He clenches his teeth against his own orgasm, even if his cock throbs for release. Yoochun slumps against him, spent and Jaejoong pushes him away before he can get comfortable. He steels himself against the hurt in Yoochun's eyes that quickly replaces the look of post-coital bliss on his face. Jaejoong's cock, still straining against the front of his jeans, commandeers Yoochun's gaze.
"Hyung, you didn't - ?"
"No. Obviously."
"But why - "
"I talked to Junsu before coming here. He said some pretty interesting things." There's a perverse pleasure in Yoochun's sharp intake of breath, the way his face shuts down; the flicker of pain he glimpses before it disappears is worth the ache in his balls. "Apparently he's sure we're fuck-buddies. Which is funny, because the last time I checked, I haven't seen your sorry face in weeks."
"I..." Yoochun pushes off the wall, mouth pinched. "Let me get cleaned up and I'll tell you about it."
Jaejoong navigates Yoochun's house like it's his own. The other boy heads for the bathroom, footsteps heavy and Jaejoong makes himself at home in Yoochun's room. He stands in front of the large bay windows, wanting to sit but his cock won't let him do it comfortably. Jaejoong looks out into the dark, trying to will his erection away.
He thinks of Changmin and Yunho, how pizza with them now seems like a different night all together. Jaejoong remembers Changmin's confused expression, the little bit of hurt he saw before aggravation had set in. Jaejoong's sorry to have put that look on the younger boy's face, but anger seems to be his reaction of choice when faced with either Yoochun or Junsu. Hazards of a relationship gone bad.
He doesn't hear Yoochun come in until the other boy is beside him, easing onto the cushions of the window seat. He twirls an unlit cigarette between his fingers, eyes downcast and avoiding Jaejoong's murderous glare. Jaejoong sits with him, the space smaller and tighter than Jaejoong remembers. There had been a time when there was more than enough room, the space not cramped even when they tried and succeeded to fit three people. That wasn't too long ago, but to Jaejoong it seems like a life and a day too far.
He waits for Yoochun to light up and take a drag, his face contorting in a different kind of bliss as the nicotine melds with his system. Jaejoong plucks the cigarette from Yoochun's loose grasp, lifting it to his lips knowing Yoochun won't protest. "Talk."
"I'm thinking of how to say it in a way that doesn't make this worse."
Jaejoong blows a ring of smoke Yoochun's way. "Can't get any worse than this."
Yoochun heaves a heavy sigh, making a grab for his cigarette and successfully takes it back. He inhales greedily. "A few weeks ago, I saw you with that Changmin kid and I just-I don't know. I think I went insane a little."
"You're pleading insanity?" Jaejoong says incredulously.
"Yes? No? I don't know!" Yoochun flicks the end of the cigarette against the windowsill, ash scattering as he does it with shaking fingers. "After that, there was this one time Junsu and I were fooling around. He was sucking me off but..." He leans forward, knees bumping with Jaejoong's in the cramped space, watching Jaejoong with wide, stormy eyes. "I said your name. He's been paranoid ever since, I think. When he accused me of cheating on him with you a few days ago, I didn't bother correcting him."
Jaejoong lets out a bark of laughter, the sound hollow even to his ears. He reaches for the cigarette, pulling it from between Yoochun's rigid fingers. He exhales a cloud of smoke, aiming it at Yoochun's mouth. "Stupid, stupid, stupid Yoochun."
Whorls of smoke fan across Yoochun's lips, too much like a kiss with the scant distance between them. Yoochun surges forward to close it and even if Jaejoong's been expecting it, he's surprised anyway. It tastes like home: nicotine, caffeine, and something so innately Yoochun that Jaejoong just can't pull away from. The familiarity grounds him, like being found after being lost for so long.
"You shouldn't have come here." Yoochun murmurs against his lips, scooting closer, and hands spanning Jaejoong's knees to stroke high on his thigh.
"I'm going to leave," Jaejoong agrees, fingers wrapping around Yoochun's wrist as his hand migrates to the button on Jaejoong's jeans.
Yoochun rips his mouth away, shaking his head violently. "Stay. Please."
Jaejoong sighs; slumping against the window and Yoochun follows with his mouth. Even if Jaejoong had wanted to resist, Yoochun's holding onto him so tight he wouldn't have been able to. He pleads with his eyes, the hard line of his mouth softening as it ghosts over Jaejoong's throat, re-familiarizing himself with the feel of Jaejoong's skin.
Jaejoong groans at the touch, gentle compared to the way Yoochun's fingers dig into his hip, anchoring him in place. It's almost as if he's afraid Jaejoong will bolt. He can't help but think that Yoochun is very selfish, making him want things he shouldn't. He can't really understand it himself, why Yoochun has this pull on him. Maybe he does know and just refuses to think about it. Or maybe he's selfish too because it's not like he really wants to go, anyway.
Jaejoong isn't passive; he doesn't just sit back and let Yoochun do all the work. He kisses back, takes what he can because he wants it-not as desperately, though probably just as much. They end up on the bed, but not before they make a mess of the window. The cushions have scattered to the floor, along with most of their clothes and there's cum smeared across the glass. Yoochun knows him so well, exactly where to have him keening. He's got Jaejoong half way coming against the glass with just his hands before deciding cum on the sheets would be easier to explain.
The three-second interval between the bed and the window is enough for Jaejoong to regain part of his earlier aggression. He reaches for the stash of lube and condoms he knows Yoochun has hidden between the headboard and the mattress. He hasn't forgotten what gets Yoochun off either. He remembers the perfect combination of hands and mouth, takes a perverse pleasure in watching Yoochun beg him for a little more.
Yoochun's already writhing on the bed, begging Jaejoong to skip the prep and Jaejoong could because Yoochun likes it that rough. But Jaejoong isn't cruel, no matter how angry Yoochun makes him, though he doesn't have to be nice either. He pushes Yoochun onto his stomach, ass in the air and it's two fingers, straight and quick, lubed but no doubt painful if the way Yoochun jerks all of a sudden is any indication. Yoochun still groans, pushing back against his fingers in increments. Jaejoong pulls out, pushing back in just as fast and Yoochun clutches at the sheets.
"Stupid, stupid Yoochun," Jaejoong reiterates, adding a third finger and more lube. He bites at the swell of Yoochun's ass, making sure to leave his mark where Junsu will find it later. He wastes no time in slicking his cock, unable to wait. He's been hard for the better part of an hour and Yoochun's already come once. He deserves whatever is coming to him. Condom in place and things lined up, the tip of his cock kisses the entrance to Yoochun's body; Jaejoong whispers along the heated skin of Yoochun's back. "Fuck. You."
He shoves himself in without further preamble. His body betrays him, knees buckling at the feel of Yoochun so hot and tight around him. Yoochun tenses, muscles squeezing like a vise at Jaejoong's sudden intrusion. He fights to pull out, only to force himself back inside, nearly deaf to Yoochun's pained cries. It must hurt like a bitch, but Yoochun's muttering with a white knuckled grip into the sheets:
"Yes, yes, fuck yes. God, fuck me, Jae. Please, ple-"
Jaejoong can't hear anything beyond that, that familiar heat building at the base of his spine as his hips lose their rhythm, racing for that white heat. He reaches around for Yoochun's cock, having a thought for Yoochun's pleasure before his own crashes over him, bursts of light going off behind his eyelids as he spends himself in Yoochun's body. There's a second wave when Yoochun clenches around him, somehow finding his own release.
Damp strands of his hair hang in front of his eyes as he pants against Yoochun's spine, vision slowly coming back into focus. He pulls out slowly, muscles unsteady as he removes the condom and ties off the end. He discards it, somewhat aiming for the trash bin near the bed but he falls over Yoochun's unmoving form, not caring if it actually goes in.
Jaejoong feels hollow, despite the lethargic pull that post-coital bliss has on his muscles. Coming is never a problem. It's always good. It's the afterglow that refuses to stay. There's a movement finally, from the body beside him and Jaejoong lifts his head to see Yoochun on his back, a fist curled against his forehead and muttering obscenities under his breath. The hollow feeling is mutual, it seems.
"Junsu. Fuck. Hyung, what are we-"
Jaejoong would call it an epiphany, but it isn't. He's known for a while now that he isn't first in Yoochun's head, or his heart. It's just taken him longer to reconcile with himself that someone else is. Already, its Junsu Yoochun's thinking of. It doesn't hurt as much as it used to.
"So it's okay to let him think we're fucking, but you regret it when we actually do? You fucker." Jaejoong sits up, fighting his body's want to lie back down again. The anger's back again now that he's finished thinking with his cock, and it doesn't change anything.
"What are you doing?" Yoochun asks when Jaejoong slides off the bed, searching for his clothes.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" Jaejoong asks in the middle of pulling on his boxers. "You chose Junsu. You keep choosing Junsu. I understand that now. You don't though, so you're pretty much fucked."
"What?"
"This is all you and I are good for and that's not enough to get me to stay, Yoochun. You just aren't worth it anymore."
"So that's it. You're going to go, just like that? Like nothing happened?" The words come out high and tight and Jaejoong forces himself to look at the bed. Yoochun isn't crying, not yet, but his eyes burn, glistening with something other than unshed tears.
"Don't be an asshole. Stop pushing for something that didn't work the first time."
"We could have made it work," Yoochun insists, one hand fisting the sheets.
Jaejoong spares him one last look and sees just about everything he ever thought he'd wanted, all he thought he'd needed and decides he'd thought wrong. Yoochun's so set on the what ifs and maybes that he can't see what really is.
"I'll lock the door on my way out."
He leaves, locking the door like he said he would and hopes it'll be the last time that Yoochun's on the other side. Jaejoong has to admit that regret is a bitter pill to swallow.
Author: enigmaxempress
Pairing: Yunho/Changmin, frustrated Yunho/Changmin/Jaejoong, and various OT3 pairings if you squint.
Rating: NC-17
Summary: They don't mind him, but Kim Jaejoong can't be ignored. Not that he purposefully calls attention to himself, just that you can't not look. There's just something about him you can't help but stop and stare at, three seconds of your life thrown away gaping but... It's three seconds that don't feel like a waste at all.
IV.
"You're really moving out?" Changmin asks casually; but Yunho knows better. They're sprawled side-by-side and leaning against the headboard of Changmin's bed: shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip. A little too close and already too complicated to explain to Changmin's mom if she ever comes in; Yunho shifts closer anyway. Changmin's got a book in his lap, but he's turning the pages too quickly, very unlike his thorough self and it's easy for Yunho to tell.
"Yes, I am," Yunho confirms, lifting the closest of Changmin's hands away from the book and tapping fingers against his palm. "It's not like I have to, but it is closer to the university."
"It's far from here." Changmin says quietly, sliding his hands against Yunho's so their fingers lace. Changmin's holding on too tight.
"Not that far, actually." Yunho squeezes back. "Less than an hour away. Plus, I'll be here every weekend. And on holidays, semester breaks - even days in between." He tries to be reassuring, because he's sure that this will work. Changmin just needs a little more time to be just as sure.
Changmin nods, eyes downcast and tries to pull away, but Yunho won't let him. He pulls Changmin closer, turns himself so that their lips touch in an easy kiss. Easy-always so easy-and almost as natural as breathing. Yunho revels in moments like these, the feel of Changmin pressing against him, him pressing back. Like a roller coaster ride that makes his stomach turn but has his heart lining up again and again. Yunho doesn't think he'll ever be able to get enough.
But there's also a natural progression to these things and it isn't long till there's a hand fumbling at his belt-not that he's any better with fingers splayed against the skin under Changmin's shirt. "Can't do this now," Yunho says, pulling away for only a second before Changmin's kissing him right back. "Your mom's downstairs."
Changmin sighs against his mouth. "Right," he presses the word onto Yunho's lips. Their foreheads touch and Yunho watches Changmin think with crossed eyes, too close to do it properly. Uncertainty is still there, but considerably less enough that Yunho gives in and kisses Changmin all over again, just because. "I thought we were stopping," Changmin gasps between kisses, stifling a groan when Yunho presses fingers just beneath the waistband of his jeans.
"We were." Yunho replies, emphasizing the past tense with quickly warming fingers rubbing the soft skin under Changmin's belly button. They shouldn't be doing this; he's older, supposedly more mature and should know better but Yunho really can't help himself.
"Hyung." Yunho is pretty sure that's a plea for more rather than the reprimand it should be. "Gotta stop. Jaejoong hyung will be here any minute." If Changmin thinks that's supposed to stop him, he's wrong. Yunho kisses Changmin that much harder.
There's a knock at the door before Yunho can properly reply.
"Is everybody decent?" someone whispers loudly, the question barely permeating the wood. It's definitely not Changmin's mom.
Changmin pushes against Yunho's chest, throwing him a warning glance. He rolls his eyes as Changmin waits for him to fix his belt before calling out, "It's open."
Jaejoong enters slowly, gaze lowered and Yunho thinks that's the closest he'll probably ever get to looking meek. He lifts his head when he's sure they're both clothed, leaving the door open as he walks into the room. "Your mom let me in," he says. "She said it was okay to come up." Jaejoong's eyes flicker from him to Changmin and then back again, knowing. Changmin's parents may be oblivious to the occasional rumpled state of his and Changmin's clothing, but Jaejoong knows. Yunho feels his ears burn even if he should care less.
"Yeah. We were just-" Changmin shoots him a glare and it's then that Yunho realizes he's scowling. "-doing some studying of our own."
"Studying?" Jaejoong says skeptically, and Yunho's eyes narrow at the accompanying smirk.
"All right. I'm leaving." Yunho announces decisively. He's setting himself up for disaster if he stays any longer. Jaejoong steps away to give him room to leave. "Happy studying."
"Not as happy as the kind of studying you guys were doing." Changmin coughs, trying to hide an obvious snicker and Yunho can't get out of there fast enough.
Things between him and Jaejoong are strained and awkward at best. The other boy is an anomaly: straightforward and transparent, his biting wit is tempered only by the flash of some unreadable expression Yunho's caught every now and then. He wouldn't care and it wouldn't bother him so much if it wasn’t directed at Changmin so often.
Yunho isn't stupid; he's seen that look before: unreadable, yes, but also dark and full of intent. He can't be a hundred percent sure, but the nagging suspicion of what it could mean doesn't endear Jaejoong to him. Jealousy simmers just beneath the surface, because Changmin and Jaejoong are left alone together more often than not. Jaejoong hasn't done anything but look so far, though given the opportunity-Yunho doesn't think Jaejoong will let it pass.
Except there are times he's caught Jaejoong looking at him like that; Yunho doesn't know what to make of it. He tries not to think about it at all.
Yunho drops by his house to take his sister to dance practice and her steady stream of cheerful chatter is just enough to keep his mind off what he left behind. He waves Ji Hye goodbye, watching till she's safely into the building before leaning against a nearby signpost. Yunho heaves a heavy sigh, confused as hell and fuck if he isn't tired of it. He stays there longer than is necessary, garnering curious glances from passersby and it isn't until Ji Hye presses her face against the window and shoos him away that he thinks to leave. It's relatively early so Yunho decides to wander the streets for a while, hoping to untangle the knot in his brain and relieve the odd twinge in his chest.
He happens by a convenience store and steps inside, heading for the drink section. He chooses his favorite drink, pausing when he spots Changmin's on an opposite shelf. He immediately grabs one and heads for the counter, pausing half way to double back and stand in front of the display again.
Yunho stands there for an obscenely long time before muttering, "Fuck it," and grabbing another can. He doesn't dare think about it, just rushes the poor cashier when it's his turn, paying for the items quickly before he can change his mind.
He walks a familiar route, the way to Changmin's so ingrained he could probably do it with his eyes closed. Yunho studiously ignores the weight in his hands, how there are three drinks instead of just two. He forces himself to think of other things, mundane things, like what tie he'll wear to graduation or if he's done with any of his own assignments.
Changmin's mother greets him at the door, smiling even if a little surprised to see him twice in one afternoon. She invites him to dinner, like she always does, but Yunho declines this time and says he won't be staying long. He takes the stairs two at a time and speed walks down the hall to Changmin's room, only to have his heart seize at the sight of the closed door. Suspicion worms its way into his thoughts until he's burning to press an ear to the door. Yunho doesn't though; he's got to have a little more faith, to trust Changmin and maybe-stupidly-even Jaejoong. He knocks the cursory three times but doesn't wait for an answer before entering the room. He needn't have worried.
Sitting near the window, the waning sunlight hits them at odd angles, slices of yellow and orange glinting off their bent heads. It's nearly picturesque, Yunho thinks, though it's kind of odd to include Jaejoong in the description. He's only ever noticed Changmin.
"Hyung!" Changmin looks up in surprise. "You're back?"
Yunho sets down his bag of purchases onto the study table and takes out the drinks. "Yeah. Didn't want to go home yet. Drink?" He gives one to Changmin who happily accepts, then slowly sets one down in front of Jaejoong. Yunho can't look at him, eyes darting to his face but looking away too quickly to decipher the expression on it.
"Good idea." Changmin agrees. "I should get something to go with these."
"Snacks would be great." Yunho sits on Changmin's bed, though it probably doesn't help much. He and Jaejoong still make an awkward pair.
Changmin leaves and the atmosphere is predictably uncomfortable, for Yunho at least. There isn't much to do except watch Jaejoong and whilst Yunho isn't inept at small talk, he as no idea what to say.
"You're staring," Jaejoong says, shifting in his seat. Yunho doesn't even try to deny it and neither does he stop. "And thanks. For this," he adds haltingly, lifting the drink in Yunho's direction.
"No problem." Yunho answers, leaning back on his hands. Might as well resume his blatant ogling.
He really is good looking, Yunho admits grudgingly, intrigued by the contrast of pale skin against dark features. Jaejoong's face borders on pretty, almost feminine, but his shoulders are wide and muscle strains undeniably against the sleeves of his shirt.
Jerking his gaze away abruptly, Yunho tries to stop himself from thinking that line of thought. But he's grown some kind of fixation it seems because his eyes go back to watching Jaejoong, unable to look away. Jaejoong's aware of him, head cocked to one side as he alternates between reading his textbook and matching Yunho's stare with one of his own.
"Problem?" Yunho asks. He can admit that there's an odd thrill in provoking Jaejoong and Yunho knows for a fact that the feeling is mutual. Yunho wonders if that's too bad a basis for friendship.
"Math isn't exactly my best subject and you staring doesn't help much," Jaejoong says, sounding annoyed, but his eyes hold that familiar glint of mischief Yunho’s seen before.
"Want me to take a look at it?" Yunho offers, walking over. Tentatively, he keeps a sizeable distance between them; Jaejoong has yet to answer. "I'm no Changmin, but I'm at least passing the class."
"I'm not failing," Jaejoong counters,"-anymore. It just takes me a while to understand the concept."
"Do you want my help or not?"
Jaejoong raises an eyebrow at him. "Fine. If you want to take a crack at it."
He pushes the textbook towards Yunho who comes to take a closer look. To his credit Yunho really does try to figure it out, even going so far as to borrow Jaejoong's pencil and a corner of his scratch sheet to work out the problem. But there are just some things better left to the experts and it isn't long before Yunho concedes defeat.
"Okay. So I might be worse at this than I thought." Yunho admits, slightly embarrassed at his failure. "But I seriously think that if you go with this formula, then-" he's interrupted by what sounds like someone choking, only to find Jaejoong trying to smother a snicker. "What? What's so funny?" Jaejoong starts to laugh outright and Yunho can feel his cheeks warm. "So much for trying to help." Yunho huffs, more embarrassed than offended. He scowls out of reflex, but does well in hiding the effect of Jaejoong's smiling face on him. He's the picture of mirth, a side of him Yunho's never seen before. He's laughing because of Yunho-whether at him or with him-and for some reason Yunho isn't that mad.
"You can stop laughing now," Yunho complains a moment later when the worst of Jaejoong's amusement seems to have subsided. Glower still intact, more halfhearted than anything, he adds, "It's not like you're any better."
"No, it's not that," Jaejoong says, sobering quickly though a smile lingers in place. "It's just... you're always calm and composed and so 'dependable' looking." He gives Yunho a once over, his eyes pointed and dark, a world resting just behind that half-lidded gaze. Yunho still isn't sure what it's supposed to mean. "I guess there are things even you can't do."
Changmin walks back in before Yunho can ask what's that supposed to mean?
"Sorry it took so long. My mom didn't want me to bring any up since it's so close to dinner." He sets the small tray of food on the table first, then turns to Yunho. "You sure you don't want to stay for dinner? Jaejoong hyung is staying." Yunho doesn't know what to make of that statement; is it supposed to repel him or make him more adamant not to leave?
"No thanks," he declines, suddenly in a hurry. "I should probably get going anyway. We've got dinner at home too."
"Wait," Changmin says when Yunho heads for the door. "You don't want any?" he gestures to tray, contents still untouched.
Yunho doesn't really have to go, not yet at least, but he doesn't like the way he's so reluctant to leave. "Ah, maybe next time. I've still got to pick Ji Hye up from dance practice."
He walks out, mind reeling at how badly he wants to stay. Yunho doesn’t even know how he goes about for the rest of the evening; he’s so distracted that he goes through the motions of his daily routine mindlessly. His parents ask him about it during dinner but Yunho just shakes his head an makes more of an effort to join in conversation so as not to attract further attention. Afterwards however - up in his room lying on his bed - his thoughts run rampant and he gets nothing out of it except a sleepless night. He studiously tries to ignore his ridiculous notions over the next few days, but Fate seems to have a different agenda.
--
"You don't really have to, you know."
Changmin nudges Yunho forcefully with an elbow to the ribs. "Don't say no to free food!"
Jaejoong snorts. "Typical," he says, throwing Changmin a pointed look over his shoulder before scooting into the booth they're shown to. "But I got a decent grade on my last test, so I figured Beanpole here deserves some credit."
Changmin's eyes narrow as he settles into his seat, though he makes sure his smile doesn't waver. "I'm glad I could help the mentally unable." The look on Jaejoong's face makes Changmin glad that there's a sizable amount of table between them.
"But you didn't have to bring me along," Yunho cuts in, suppressing a grin of his own. He can’t help it but Changmin and Jaejoong's antics amuse him to no end.
Jaejoong pauses his glower at Changmin to wave the comment away. "Don't worry about it. The more the merrier, yeah?"
A waitress comes to take their order and after a brief argument over toppings, they order two extra large pizzas and an abundance of drinks, courtesy of the waitress. She stays longer than necessary, taking her sweet time in writing things down, offering them various specials they have no interest in. It's a front obviously, using it to flirt outrageously with Jaejoong. It's a little awkward to watch him entertain her, but oddly fascinating too.
Jaejoong doesn't say much, letting her talk, but he knows exactly what to say in between pauses. It's not so much what he says, but the way he's looking at her. He's giving her his undivided attention, eyes seemingly interested and so full of intent that Changmin is sure his gaze burns. By the time she leaves to get started on their order, she's all flushed and smiling.
Under the table Changmin is surprised to feel a brush of fingers over the back of his hand. He turns his head in Yunho's direction, questioning because they're in public and neither of them are big on public displays of affection. Yunho doesn't spare him a glance; instead, Changmin is answered with a tap to his knuckles as Yunho resumes conversation with Jaejoong. It's then that Changmin realizes that he's digging fingers into Yunho's thigh. He lets up immediately, jerking his hand away in surprise and rattling the table in the process.
"What's wrong?" Jaejoong asks, shifting all that devastating attention his way. Changmin shakes his head, palms slick and wiping them onto his jeans.
"Nothing," he says, licking his lips in a nervous gesture, mouth dry. "Just...thinking."
"Oh. Well, see, that's never a good sign." Yunho comments, tone light.
"That's what I keep telling him!" Jaejoong interjects, lips curling into a grin. Changmin scowls as expected, but more to hide his fluster than in actual irritation. He's out of witty comebacks for the moment.
There's a gentle pressure right above his knee, Yunho's fingers delivering a reassuring squeeze before they start a soft, swirling motion. Changmin relaxes at the touch, realizing he's still tense. Their drinks arrive, this time brought by a different waitress. She doesn't linger as long as the first, but the attention Jaejoong gives her is no less.
Changmin tries not to let it bother him, because he doesn't understand why it does in the first place. It's been happening a lot lately though and it makes him uneasy. He notices little things about the older boy, taking an interest in everything he mentions. There's this odd want to please, an awareness that hadn't been there before. The worst part is that it happens even when Yunho is around and Changmin can't help but feel a little guilty. Yunho's the only one who's ever been on his mind, but Jaejoong's been popping up all of a sudden and Changmin doesn't know what to make of it. Most of the time, Changmin chooses to ignore it and it's been working so far. He can't help but wonder for how long though.
The food arrives, and Changmin is grateful for the distraction. He's still on edge, but eating proves to be a worthy diversion and it isn't long before Changmin comfortably joins the conversation again.
"I think you're making good progress." Changmin says evenly, mindful of his full mouth.
"Is that code for 'you're an idiot, thanks for trying?'"
"Nope. It's actually code for 'you're an idiot, but you just might pass.'"
"I'm not a complete idiot, Changmin-ah, thanks," Jaejoong replies dryly.
From the corner of his eye, Changmin watches Yunho listen to the rest of their banter, raising an eyebrow at one or two blatant insults. He's sure that they're quite interesting to watch. Their verbal sparring has no lasting effect on either of them, though their facial expressions have quite the effect on Yunho. He snickers behind a hand when Jaejoong comments on Changmin's 'black hole of a stomach,' unable to deny the statement and fights a grin at Changmin's retort about Jaejoong's mental abilities.
"I'm glad we amuse you." Jaejoong directs a glare at him, accompanied by one of Changmin's own. Yunho's face smoothens out, though he can't still the twitch at the corners of his mouth.
"Sorry," Yunho says, though he's not at all apologetic. "You guys are funny."
Changmin snorts. "Of course you'd think so. I'm being verbally abused and you don't care at all."
"You seem to be giving as good as you're getting," Yunho replies, smiling.
Jaejoong laughs. "So much for your knight in shining armor, Changmin-ah."
Changmin shushes him, scowling. "Thanks, hyung. Louder, please. I don't think everyone heard you."
Jaejoong's smile fades around the corners. "Sorry," he says more quietly, head swiveling around to see if anyone has heard. "That wasn't supposed to come out so loud."
Yunho reaches for his drink, shaking his head. "No, it's fine. It’s not like we’re trying too hard to hide it." An awkward silence; no one knows what to say and it's easier to focus on the food. Just as the silence becomes unbearable, the first waitress returns to refill their drinks and ask them if there's anything else they'd like. Changmin couldn't be more glad to see her.
Music blares all of a sudden, a familiar melody that has Yunho reaching into his pockets. He excuses himself momentarily after glancing at the screen. With the cell phone already pressed to his ear, he nods at Changmin before searching for a quieter place to properly take the call. A family of eight walks in and the waitress leaves reluctantly, obviously wanting to stay a little longer.
"Full yet?" Jaejoong asks, as they're left alone.
"Not quite." Changmin makes a show of taking the next bite out of his pizza, hoping it'll keep the awkward silence from settling again. It rarely does between them, but tonight seems to be the exception for all kinds of things.
"It tastes better when you aren't the one paying, doesn't it?"
"Got that right." Changmin grins, wiggling his brows as he reaches for another slice.
"Glad I could do my part in feeding the hungry."
Before Changmin can come up with a suitably scathing reply, someone's throat clears loudly, calling for attention.
"Sorry to disturb." The new comer says, tugging at his apron. Changmin recognizes him. Kim Junsu. Changmin's seen around at school and Yunho's mentioned him a number of times concerning graduation. He's dressed as one of the waiters, but the look on his face makes Changmin doubt he's about to offer them any kind of service.
Junsu's eyes flicker to Changmin before returning to Jaejoong. "Hyung. Can I talk to you for a second?"
"Is it important? Because I'm kind of busy here, Junsu." Jaejoong looks pointedly at Changmin just across the table. Looking back at Junsu, he's silent; the look in his eyes not quite friendly.
"It's not like anyone's dying, but..." For all the effort Changmin put into avoiding another awkward silence, Junsu just standing there plunges them right into one.
"Uh... why don't you go ahead, hyung? I can wait here." Jaejoong's eyes narrow at him, glaring, and it's a real one this time. Changmin is startled by the intensity, at a loss as to what he'd done in the last five seconds to deserve such a scathing look.
Jaejoong exhales audibly, mouth tight as he continues to stare at Changmin with hard eyes. "You heard him. Let's go." It's said in clipped tones, barely civil as Jaejoong pushes out of his seat. They go without another word and Changmin follows with his eyes. Nervous fingers pull at the hem of his shirt before slick palms run over the worn denim of his jeans.
Changmin's having a what the fuck moment, half pissed and with a right to be, but the other half is his stomach twisting in knots, left side of his chest mimicking the odd ache of his insides being squeezed dry. It's disconcerting and uncomfortable; Jaejoong is some kind of fucking amazing if one look makes Changmin completely lose his appetite.
He leans forward, reaching for his drink and pulling at the straw, lips dry. Changmin takes a deep breath, fingers tapping a harried rhythm onto the table as thoughts of Jaejoong churn in his mind. The older boy's been in his head a lot these days and the frequency is alarming. Changmin's got a one-track mind and he's already decided that Yunho is it. Why is Jaejoong even an issue?
He's honest enough to admit he's infatuated. It's hard not to be when he's so used to being over looked and since that the first time Jaejoong had looked at him and actually seen him, Changmin's pretty much fallen hook, line and if it weren't for Yunho, he'd be a sinker just like everyone else. It's by no means serious, but all things start out that way. Yunho had been an infatuation. The role model hyung his mother hoped he'd take after quickly went from infatuation to obsession, attachment and then - some way, somehow, nearly a year and a half later - it's a relationship.
Changmin's been dumb, but he's never been outright stupid. He knows where this is heading.
He rests back against his seat, body overtaken by frenetic energy that has Changmin wishing he had said no to free food this time around. His head swivels in the direction Yunho had disappeared to, wondering what was taking him so long. Changmin doesn't want to be left alone with his thoughts any longer; he's had enough thinking for one night. Jaejoong appears a second later and even if it isn't Yunho, it definitely beats being alone with his thoughts. However, that's before Jaejoong's expression registers and then Changmin just regrets the whole pizza invitation all together.
"What's wrong?" Changmin asks, concerned. Jaejoong doesn't look happy, a deep scowl twisting his usually handsome features into something dark and unapproachable.
"Sorry, Changmin-ah, but something came up. I need to go." He glances at Yunho's still empty seat and looks around. "Yunho's not back yet?"
That much is obvious, but Changmin doesn't think that this is the right time to point that out. He opens his mouth to say something neutral and placating, but ends up pointing behind Jaejoong instead. "Actually, here he comes."
Yunho comes up to them with an odd look on his face, focused intensely on Jaejoong for a second before looking away. It's quick enough that Jaejoong doesn't see it as he turns around, but Changmin does. "Everything all right?"
Yunho nods. "Yeah. Just Ji Hye. She says to bring her home some pizza."
"You guys can have the rest of it," Jaejoong offers, looking in a hurry to leave. "I just finished telling Changmin that something came up. I'm going to have to go."
"Are you sure, hyung? There's still a lot of pizza left."
Jaejoong shakes his head, already heading for the counter. "Yeah, it's all right. I'm just going to pay for it, then I really have to go. You guys stay as long as you like."
"I wonder what that's about," Changmin says aloud, watching Jaejoong interact with their waitress at the register without his earlier charm.
"Jaejoong's got his own problems," Yunho replies vaguely as Jaejoong walks out. Changmin looks at him to elaborate but Yunho just shakes his head. "Not our business, Changmin-ah."
Changmin frowns at the answer, not liking it even if Yunho has a point. But Yunho knows something though, probably overheard something he shouldn't have while he was away. Changmin wonders what it could have been. "I don't feel like eating anymore," Changmin says, looking at the half-eaten pizza they still have left.
"That's a first," Yunho says forcing a smile to try and shake off the somber mood. Changmin's grateful for the effort and spares him a caustic remark.
They opt not to stay longer, getting the rest of the pizza boxed for takeout. It's still a little early for either of them to be heading home and Changmin warms at Yunho's suggestion to detour to the park near Changmin's house. There's a playground there they've often abused, running down the slides and sitting on swings they're much too big for. They forego the usual abuse this time, choosing to sit side by side in the little sandbox with their knees drawn up, tracing pictures into the sand.
It's dark enough for Changmin to be a little bold, sidling up to Yunho so that they're pressed shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip. He's getting a little too tall to put his head on Yunho's shoulder, but they make it work somehow: Changmin slumps a little and Yunho sits a little straighter, messing up the way their bodies align. It's comfortable, perfect almost. Changmin wonders where Jaejoong is.
"I love you." Changmin says immediately, a little panicked, because he doesn't say it nearly enough. Yunho deserves to hear it. He's glad for the dark; it masks what he's sure is a distressed look on his face. "I know I- I don't say it often and sometimes it might seem like I don't, but I do. I do." His fingers reach for Yunho's hand.
"Whoa, there." Yunho pulls back to see Changmin more clearly. "Not that I don't love you too, but why... all of a sudden?"
Changmin shakes his head, keeping it bowed and out of Yunho's line of sight. "I'm serious. You have to know that...even if- no matter what or who or-"
"I know, Changmin," Yunho nods, squeezing Changmin's fingers back in confirmation. "I know." He probably understands Changmin's sudden urgency as much as Changmin does which is probably not at all. That's what makes what he does next even better. He looks around, eyes shifting quickly from left to right, makes sure no one's around, ducks his head and-
The kiss is short and light, nothing but a quick touch the lips, over so quickly it's almost as if it didn't happen in the first place. Still, it makes Changmin's breath catch, warms him against the chill of the night air and makes his stomach flip in that odd way girls are always talking about.
Best of all, there's no room for thoughts of Jaejoong, not when Yunho is this close and pressing even closer.
--
"Hello?”
"Yoochun-ah. Anyone else home?"
"No. Just me. Why--?"
"Let me in." A rustle on the other end and a moment later Yoochun opens the front door with his cell phone still pressed to his ear. His gaze his confused and a little annoyed, but not unwelcoming.
"Wouldn't kill you to ask once in a while." He moves out of the doorway to let Jaejoong in. The door is barely closed behind them before Jaejoong has Yoochun pinned against the wall
Yoochun hadn't seen this coming; Jaejoong can see the shock register on his face before he grits out a moan as Jaejoong grinds him into the wood. "You little shit," Jaejoong growls, sinking teeth into the soft flesh of Yoochun's ear. "You aren't even trying to fight it."
His hands are rough as they drag at Yoochun's sides, anger fueling the way his fingers relearn Yoochun's skin. Jaejoong grips his hips, shoving away the loose elastic of Yoochun's sweatpants. Yoochun is thinner these days, ribs more prominent and hipbones jutting out at sharper angles, but there are things about his body that never change. Jaejoong palms Yoochun's cock, pulling roughly at the head while he rolls his balls with the other hand. Yoochun keens, pushing his head against the wall as he thrusts into Jaejoong's hand. Jaejoong bites at the exposed column of his throat, not bothering to soothe the sting with his tongue.
"You're so fucking easy," Jaejoong hisses, his own cock jumping at Yoochun's needy moan. "You don't even care anymore, do you? You'd really let me fuck you right here, out in the hallway?"
"Jae, please - "
"Fucker." Jaejoong scrapes a nail at the thin strip of skin just behind his balls and Yoochun comes off the wall with a cry. Jaejoong feels every shudder as he comes, spilling into the tight fist of his hand. He clenches his teeth against his own orgasm, even if his cock throbs for release. Yoochun slumps against him, spent and Jaejoong pushes him away before he can get comfortable. He steels himself against the hurt in Yoochun's eyes that quickly replaces the look of post-coital bliss on his face. Jaejoong's cock, still straining against the front of his jeans, commandeers Yoochun's gaze.
"Hyung, you didn't - ?"
"No. Obviously."
"But why - "
"I talked to Junsu before coming here. He said some pretty interesting things." There's a perverse pleasure in Yoochun's sharp intake of breath, the way his face shuts down; the flicker of pain he glimpses before it disappears is worth the ache in his balls. "Apparently he's sure we're fuck-buddies. Which is funny, because the last time I checked, I haven't seen your sorry face in weeks."
"I..." Yoochun pushes off the wall, mouth pinched. "Let me get cleaned up and I'll tell you about it."
Jaejoong navigates Yoochun's house like it's his own. The other boy heads for the bathroom, footsteps heavy and Jaejoong makes himself at home in Yoochun's room. He stands in front of the large bay windows, wanting to sit but his cock won't let him do it comfortably. Jaejoong looks out into the dark, trying to will his erection away.
He thinks of Changmin and Yunho, how pizza with them now seems like a different night all together. Jaejoong remembers Changmin's confused expression, the little bit of hurt he saw before aggravation had set in. Jaejoong's sorry to have put that look on the younger boy's face, but anger seems to be his reaction of choice when faced with either Yoochun or Junsu. Hazards of a relationship gone bad.
He doesn't hear Yoochun come in until the other boy is beside him, easing onto the cushions of the window seat. He twirls an unlit cigarette between his fingers, eyes downcast and avoiding Jaejoong's murderous glare. Jaejoong sits with him, the space smaller and tighter than Jaejoong remembers. There had been a time when there was more than enough room, the space not cramped even when they tried and succeeded to fit three people. That wasn't too long ago, but to Jaejoong it seems like a life and a day too far.
He waits for Yoochun to light up and take a drag, his face contorting in a different kind of bliss as the nicotine melds with his system. Jaejoong plucks the cigarette from Yoochun's loose grasp, lifting it to his lips knowing Yoochun won't protest. "Talk."
"I'm thinking of how to say it in a way that doesn't make this worse."
Jaejoong blows a ring of smoke Yoochun's way. "Can't get any worse than this."
Yoochun heaves a heavy sigh, making a grab for his cigarette and successfully takes it back. He inhales greedily. "A few weeks ago, I saw you with that Changmin kid and I just-I don't know. I think I went insane a little."
"You're pleading insanity?" Jaejoong says incredulously.
"Yes? No? I don't know!" Yoochun flicks the end of the cigarette against the windowsill, ash scattering as he does it with shaking fingers. "After that, there was this one time Junsu and I were fooling around. He was sucking me off but..." He leans forward, knees bumping with Jaejoong's in the cramped space, watching Jaejoong with wide, stormy eyes. "I said your name. He's been paranoid ever since, I think. When he accused me of cheating on him with you a few days ago, I didn't bother correcting him."
Jaejoong lets out a bark of laughter, the sound hollow even to his ears. He reaches for the cigarette, pulling it from between Yoochun's rigid fingers. He exhales a cloud of smoke, aiming it at Yoochun's mouth. "Stupid, stupid, stupid Yoochun."
Whorls of smoke fan across Yoochun's lips, too much like a kiss with the scant distance between them. Yoochun surges forward to close it and even if Jaejoong's been expecting it, he's surprised anyway. It tastes like home: nicotine, caffeine, and something so innately Yoochun that Jaejoong just can't pull away from. The familiarity grounds him, like being found after being lost for so long.
"You shouldn't have come here." Yoochun murmurs against his lips, scooting closer, and hands spanning Jaejoong's knees to stroke high on his thigh.
"I'm going to leave," Jaejoong agrees, fingers wrapping around Yoochun's wrist as his hand migrates to the button on Jaejoong's jeans.
Yoochun rips his mouth away, shaking his head violently. "Stay. Please."
Jaejoong sighs; slumping against the window and Yoochun follows with his mouth. Even if Jaejoong had wanted to resist, Yoochun's holding onto him so tight he wouldn't have been able to. He pleads with his eyes, the hard line of his mouth softening as it ghosts over Jaejoong's throat, re-familiarizing himself with the feel of Jaejoong's skin.
Jaejoong groans at the touch, gentle compared to the way Yoochun's fingers dig into his hip, anchoring him in place. It's almost as if he's afraid Jaejoong will bolt. He can't help but think that Yoochun is very selfish, making him want things he shouldn't. He can't really understand it himself, why Yoochun has this pull on him. Maybe he does know and just refuses to think about it. Or maybe he's selfish too because it's not like he really wants to go, anyway.
Jaejoong isn't passive; he doesn't just sit back and let Yoochun do all the work. He kisses back, takes what he can because he wants it-not as desperately, though probably just as much. They end up on the bed, but not before they make a mess of the window. The cushions have scattered to the floor, along with most of their clothes and there's cum smeared across the glass. Yoochun knows him so well, exactly where to have him keening. He's got Jaejoong half way coming against the glass with just his hands before deciding cum on the sheets would be easier to explain.
The three-second interval between the bed and the window is enough for Jaejoong to regain part of his earlier aggression. He reaches for the stash of lube and condoms he knows Yoochun has hidden between the headboard and the mattress. He hasn't forgotten what gets Yoochun off either. He remembers the perfect combination of hands and mouth, takes a perverse pleasure in watching Yoochun beg him for a little more.
Yoochun's already writhing on the bed, begging Jaejoong to skip the prep and Jaejoong could because Yoochun likes it that rough. But Jaejoong isn't cruel, no matter how angry Yoochun makes him, though he doesn't have to be nice either. He pushes Yoochun onto his stomach, ass in the air and it's two fingers, straight and quick, lubed but no doubt painful if the way Yoochun jerks all of a sudden is any indication. Yoochun still groans, pushing back against his fingers in increments. Jaejoong pulls out, pushing back in just as fast and Yoochun clutches at the sheets.
"Stupid, stupid Yoochun," Jaejoong reiterates, adding a third finger and more lube. He bites at the swell of Yoochun's ass, making sure to leave his mark where Junsu will find it later. He wastes no time in slicking his cock, unable to wait. He's been hard for the better part of an hour and Yoochun's already come once. He deserves whatever is coming to him. Condom in place and things lined up, the tip of his cock kisses the entrance to Yoochun's body; Jaejoong whispers along the heated skin of Yoochun's back. "Fuck. You."
He shoves himself in without further preamble. His body betrays him, knees buckling at the feel of Yoochun so hot and tight around him. Yoochun tenses, muscles squeezing like a vise at Jaejoong's sudden intrusion. He fights to pull out, only to force himself back inside, nearly deaf to Yoochun's pained cries. It must hurt like a bitch, but Yoochun's muttering with a white knuckled grip into the sheets:
"Yes, yes, fuck yes. God, fuck me, Jae. Please, ple-"
Jaejoong can't hear anything beyond that, that familiar heat building at the base of his spine as his hips lose their rhythm, racing for that white heat. He reaches around for Yoochun's cock, having a thought for Yoochun's pleasure before his own crashes over him, bursts of light going off behind his eyelids as he spends himself in Yoochun's body. There's a second wave when Yoochun clenches around him, somehow finding his own release.
Damp strands of his hair hang in front of his eyes as he pants against Yoochun's spine, vision slowly coming back into focus. He pulls out slowly, muscles unsteady as he removes the condom and ties off the end. He discards it, somewhat aiming for the trash bin near the bed but he falls over Yoochun's unmoving form, not caring if it actually goes in.
Jaejoong feels hollow, despite the lethargic pull that post-coital bliss has on his muscles. Coming is never a problem. It's always good. It's the afterglow that refuses to stay. There's a movement finally, from the body beside him and Jaejoong lifts his head to see Yoochun on his back, a fist curled against his forehead and muttering obscenities under his breath. The hollow feeling is mutual, it seems.
"Junsu. Fuck. Hyung, what are we-"
Jaejoong would call it an epiphany, but it isn't. He's known for a while now that he isn't first in Yoochun's head, or his heart. It's just taken him longer to reconcile with himself that someone else is. Already, its Junsu Yoochun's thinking of. It doesn't hurt as much as it used to.
"So it's okay to let him think we're fucking, but you regret it when we actually do? You fucker." Jaejoong sits up, fighting his body's want to lie back down again. The anger's back again now that he's finished thinking with his cock, and it doesn't change anything.
"What are you doing?" Yoochun asks when Jaejoong slides off the bed, searching for his clothes.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" Jaejoong asks in the middle of pulling on his boxers. "You chose Junsu. You keep choosing Junsu. I understand that now. You don't though, so you're pretty much fucked."
"What?"
"This is all you and I are good for and that's not enough to get me to stay, Yoochun. You just aren't worth it anymore."
"So that's it. You're going to go, just like that? Like nothing happened?" The words come out high and tight and Jaejoong forces himself to look at the bed. Yoochun isn't crying, not yet, but his eyes burn, glistening with something other than unshed tears.
"Don't be an asshole. Stop pushing for something that didn't work the first time."
"We could have made it work," Yoochun insists, one hand fisting the sheets.
Jaejoong spares him one last look and sees just about everything he ever thought he'd wanted, all he thought he'd needed and decides he'd thought wrong. Yoochun's so set on the what ifs and maybes that he can't see what really is.
"I'll lock the door on my way out."
He leaves, locking the door like he said he would and hopes it'll be the last time that Yoochun's on the other side. Jaejoong has to admit that regret is a bitter pill to swallow.