SURVIVAL GUIDE TO THE CLASSIFIED HORSE ADS
I found this on the internets and have it posted it here for your edification and amusement. Do people here have any additions to the list? :)
TRUE ALLROUNDER....no girth will fit him
LOADS OF PERSONALITY....decks everyone
ALREADY BROKEN....3 fence posts, 1 gate and 5 buckets
IDEAL STUD PROSPECT....he thinks so
PARELLI HOME ONLY . . . confused horse seeks new nutter
TAKE NEW OWNER TO THE TOP...previous owner didn't get there
CAN DO IT ALL....bite, kick, buck and rear
NOT FOR BEGINNERS....or anyone else for that matter
GENUINE REASON FOR SALE....owner in traction
3 EXCEPTIONAL PACES....walk, halt and park
EASY TO CLIP....when hobbled and sedated
FORWARD GOING....a tale of WWWhhhhoooooaaaaa!
LOADS WELL....after an endurance ride
ELEVATED PACES....ex rodeo
BOMBPROOF....if you don't light the fuse
CAREFUL JUMPER....over paddock fences
SCHOOLMASTER....he's in charge
EASY TO CATCH....if you've got all day
PROFESSIONALLY STARTED....on the race track
EXPERIENCED RIDER ONLY....stunt rider preferred
SNAFFLE MOUTHED.......... Will not go faster than a walk
HOME MORE IMPORTANT THAN PRICE.......I'll give you the darn thing, just take it!
HOME PRODUCED'....No professional will touch it
BIG TROT Can't canter within a 2 mile stretch
NICELY STARTED Lunges, but we don't have enough insurance to ride him yet
TOP SHOW HORSE Won a reserve championship 5 years ago at a show with unusually low entries due to a hurricane
HOME BRED Knows nothing despite being home-grown
BOLD Runaway
GOOD MOVER Runaway
ATHLETIC Runaway
DEAD QUIET Just dead
SPIRITED Psychotic
RECENTLY VETTED Someone else found something badly wrong with this horse
ANY VET CHECK WELCOME Please pay for us to find out what the !@#$ is wrong with him!
BIG BONED Good this has mane and tail or would be mistaken for cow
DOING COURSES When tranquilised to the eyeballs and lunged six hours straight before
WELL MANNERED Hasn't stepped on, bitten or kicked anyone for a week
PROFESSIONALLY TRAINED Hasn't stepped on, bitten or kicked anyone for a week
TO GOOD HOME ONLY Not really for sale unless you can Pay twice what he is worth Allow current owner to tuck in beddy-bye every night, and Are willing to sign a 10 page legal document
NO VICES Especially when he wears his muzzle
LIGHT CRIBBER We can't afford to build any more stable and fences for this chainsaw
NO TIME FOR HIM He's lucky to be fed
EXCELLENT DISPOSITION Never been out of his stable
GOOD TO CLIP, SHOE, BOX Clippety clippety is the sound his hooves make when he drags you across the yard as you try to box him
FOR SALE DUE TO LACK OF TIME Rider cannot afford to spend any more time in hospital
WELL BRED Mother and father are also brother and sister
BLACK Brown and/or dirty
SUIT EVENTING No brakes
SUIT DRESSAGE No accelerator
SUIT ANYONE Except us, we hate him
ALWAYS IN RIBBONS The shows we went to gave complementary rossettes for all who entered
ALWAYS PLACED The shows we went to were so small that there were no more than 3 in each class
GOOD AT SJ All the classes we entered were minimus (jumps under 1 foot)
P.O.A....sigh!!!! your dream lottery horse
TRUE ALLROUNDER....no girth will fit him
LOADS OF PERSONALITY....decks everyone
ALREADY BROKEN....3 fence posts, 1 gate and 5 buckets
IDEAL STUD PROSPECT....he thinks so
PARELLI HOME ONLY . . . confused horse seeks new nutter
TAKE NEW OWNER TO THE TOP...previous owner didn't get there
CAN DO IT ALL....bite, kick, buck and rear
NOT FOR BEGINNERS....or anyone else for that matter
GENUINE REASON FOR SALE....owner in traction
3 EXCEPTIONAL PACES....walk, halt and park
EASY TO CLIP....when hobbled and sedated
FORWARD GOING....a tale of WWWhhhhoooooaaaaa!
LOADS WELL....after an endurance ride
ELEVATED PACES....ex rodeo
BOMBPROOF....if you don't light the fuse
CAREFUL JUMPER....over paddock fences
SCHOOLMASTER....he's in charge
EASY TO CATCH....if you've got all day
PROFESSIONALLY STARTED....on the race track
EXPERIENCED RIDER ONLY....stunt rider preferred
SNAFFLE MOUTHED.......... Will not go faster than a walk
HOME MORE IMPORTANT THAN PRICE.......I'll give you the darn thing, just take it!
HOME PRODUCED'....No professional will touch it
BIG TROT Can't canter within a 2 mile stretch
NICELY STARTED Lunges, but we don't have enough insurance to ride him yet
TOP SHOW HORSE Won a reserve championship 5 years ago at a show with unusually low entries due to a hurricane
HOME BRED Knows nothing despite being home-grown
BOLD Runaway
GOOD MOVER Runaway
ATHLETIC Runaway
DEAD QUIET Just dead
SPIRITED Psychotic
RECENTLY VETTED Someone else found something badly wrong with this horse
ANY VET CHECK WELCOME Please pay for us to find out what the !@#$ is wrong with him!
BIG BONED Good this has mane and tail or would be mistaken for cow
DOING COURSES When tranquilised to the eyeballs and lunged six hours straight before
WELL MANNERED Hasn't stepped on, bitten or kicked anyone for a week
PROFESSIONALLY TRAINED Hasn't stepped on, bitten or kicked anyone for a week
TO GOOD HOME ONLY Not really for sale unless you can Pay twice what he is worth Allow current owner to tuck in beddy-bye every night, and Are willing to sign a 10 page legal document
NO VICES Especially when he wears his muzzle
LIGHT CRIBBER We can't afford to build any more stable and fences for this chainsaw
NO TIME FOR HIM He's lucky to be fed
EXCELLENT DISPOSITION Never been out of his stable
GOOD TO CLIP, SHOE, BOX Clippety clippety is the sound his hooves make when he drags you across the yard as you try to box him
FOR SALE DUE TO LACK OF TIME Rider cannot afford to spend any more time in hospital
WELL BRED Mother and father are also brother and sister
BLACK Brown and/or dirty
SUIT EVENTING No brakes
SUIT DRESSAGE No accelerator
SUIT ANYONE Except us, we hate him
ALWAYS IN RIBBONS The shows we went to gave complementary rossettes for all who entered
ALWAYS PLACED The shows we went to were so small that there were no more than 3 in each class
GOOD AT SJ All the classes we entered were minimus (jumps under 1 foot)
P.O.A....sigh!!!! your dream lottery horse