confidence tips/advice
Ok something happened to me today whilst riding that has really shaken my confidence, and I can't seem to stop thinking about it and replaying it in my head. Under the cut is a little bit more about me and the events of today.
Basically I started re-riding back when I was 18 (4 years ago). I rode at a yard where I went to Uni with friends in the University's Equestrian club. I really liked it, well, I thought I did. A few times stuff happened to me and it wasn't dealt with very well but cos I went with my friends, we usually had fun anyway. Their horses were very very well looked after and talented things. I used to ride this great horse called Ben.. I don't remember much about him but I know I fell off of him badly and they didn't let me ride him again. Then, 2007 era I started riding a few different horses. Two of them were great and I got on well with them. The other two were fine but very spooky and used to spook at a number of stuff... within the outside arena. We didn't ride out because the yard is by a really busy road. Basically, after falling off lots of times I started to become really nervous. Not the idea of falling off but the causes. I became scared of riding past the gate, by some jump posts, I would get scared if the tractor even came near us or the bin men came to collect the rubbish and so on. I worked on a summer camp on the barn with 40 horses the summer of 2007 & 2008 and here, directly working with the horses and deciding which ones I would ride, I could regain a little confidence before I lost it all.
Anyway, October last year I moved home and found a new yard. It caught my attention straight away as it was gorgeous and set in loads of land which was perfect for hacking out. The horses have all been fabulous for me and I've been having private lessons there ever since and I've gotten to know my instructor really well. I ride and continue to improve my riding because in the future I would love to be good enough to own my own horse, rather than compete as that just isn't in my intentions. I do lots of different things when riding, ground work, pole work, dressage, jumping, hacking etc.
As it's the summer months my instructor thought it would be a good idea if we focused on my jumping for a while as the cross country paddocks are open this time of year and thinks I'd have loads of fun doing it. I totally agreed and have been really excited ever since. I started with one of my favourite horses called Secret who is great at jumping until we swapped to another of my favourites Percy. Percy is a biiig piebald cob who is a real softy and really honest and a great ride. I get on with him so well on the flat that I've been happily working with him.
Today my instructor set up a course for me in the arena and I was jumping courses. A few times Percy jumped a bit wide for me and I lost my balance and whenever this happens sometimes I just get de-motivated. It was silly because, like she said, we'd been doing perfectly before that, but its something that happens in my head. He is a horse that requires a lot of work as he doesnt pay attention a lot and really isnt good with bends so I have to be honest I was getting frustrated with not being able to control him how I wanted to. We were nearing the end of the lesson and another class came in to share the Arena (its pretty big) so my instructor took me out and suggested that we just walk to a little area of the woods where there were some very small cross country jumps just so I can have a go. By very small I mean literally 18inches and Percy is massive, but as I'm only beggining with CC and a complete baby about stuff, I appreciate small jumps. Percy was generally just not concentrating so firstly she suggested I just walk over as I was still being a baby. I realised I was being stupid and these were tiny jumps and I'd just been jumping a lot higher just fine so I agreed to jump one in trot. I gave him a little squeeze and he decided that ... he would gallop. He galloped over the log jumps, to the end of the woodland strip, darted round a corner, all the way up a cement road and back to the yard which was only really about a minute away but it felt like forever. I tried my hardest to stop him I really did but I was helpless. Somehow, and I have no idea how, I managed to stay on, though I must have looked terrible and I am so embarrassed for the people that saw me. I think the idea of flying onto concrete at speed was enough to make me grip on for dear life. Now, I have never galloped apart from once when I was riding a mare who took me for a ride but we were inside a school so it wasn't as bad. I really reaaaaaaaaaally crapped myself, I dont think I've been that scared in a LONG time. My instructor was so angry. She nor I have no idea why he did it. She said she saw no reason for him to do it, he wasn't spooked, I had gave him a tiny squeeze and yeah we have no idea. She said he has never ever done it before. I thought perhaps it was because I was tense, but he'd be fine before and he isn't very sensitive to nerves (which is why we're usually a good match).
I took him for a tiny walk/trot afterwards in an enclosed paddock and he was as sweet as a button and didn't bat an eyelid. She got on him as soon as I had finished but she was so angry at him. I feel rubbish that I couldnt seem to control him, and that he's never done it to anyone before so I feel like maybe it was a personal flaw and that's why he did it. I guess I don't know. However, its currently all I can think about and replaying in my mind and although I laughed about it earlier (I wouldnt have if I had fallen... trust me) I know that it will really be on my mind for a long time when riding now. My instructor suggested I just ride Secret next week to build up my confidence again but that I would be riding him again sometime soon. This I don't mind as I know how great he is (I was actually considering him as a horse to do a part loan scheme on) but as far as cross country goes I dont think I ever want to go into the woods again and jump. I just can't see me wanting to do that, especially never ever on Percy which is silly as he's obviously usually fine. I don't want it to be this way as I've worked soooo hard to become this confident and I don't want to lose it over something which probably happens to loads of riders at times!
Sorry for the long explanation but I just wanted to explain my circumstances. I want to state that I'm not moaning about the events in terms of the horse, I mean it only to explain how my warped brain works.
What I did want to ask is for any confidence tips? What do you do to try and remain confident after something happens that shakes you up a bit? TIA :)