The thing I hate about myself

[epskeppi]

Some years ago
I was afraid
I was afraid that I might die
not 'cause some disease
nor of any accident
only I had to do
was talk
talk to someone
to someone special
and I was so scared
but at the same time
I was also happy
so happy I could die

I laugh at myself when I think of that moment again & again
the moment
when I saw you sitting on that bench
your gaze down to the ground
waiting
you lifted your head when you heard me coming
I couldn't sit
I couldn't speak
I couldn't even see properly
because at that moment
my heart stopped

You waited me to say something
you needed to know the reason
why I had asked you to be there
I knew you wanted to know
but I couldn't tell
all I said was sorry
and then I ran away

Now, I still think you're special
but I can never have you
you have someone special already
for you
and just for you

the thing is called
[ｗｅａｋｎｅｓｓ]