randomness, in the form of popcorn
Today someone sent me a packet of microwave popcorn through the post. No name, no note, just that. I feel that I should know its deeper meaning, but right now it just makes me smile.
So it continues. My life. Pretty normal most of the time, interrupted with spasms of complete confusion. Tonight many things have set this off. Mr. Ferrars is officially leaving, and very soon. I am sad because he is a good friend, Miss Dashwood is sadder, but it seems he will not stumble at the post and might actually declare his affection before leaving, which makes her happy and me smug and rather Emma-feeling. Mr. Darcy and I had an interesting interlude a couple of weeks ago, involving a pub and a VERY out of character remark where he jokingly invited me to sit on his knee... *blush* Then a random connection with my parents, can't explain that really. I would like to note, for those of you who wonder why gentlemen make frequent appearances in my journal, that there is good reason. I'm an undiscerned girl, meaning I might still choose not to marry. But since I don't know yet, I do (carefully of course) have crushes on the occasional boy in my life. I find it rather unavoidable. Since this can make for interesting reading, and does occupy at least some of my circuitous thought patterns, I talk about it here. That is all the justifying I am doing. On a similar note, I just saw a trailer for a movie called "Becoming Jane"! Its all about Jane Austen's love life AND it has James McAvoy... then the thought of Mr. Darcy and I going to see such a film in the autumn does just about send me into fits of giggles.
Anyway, these gentlemen are only a small bit of the craziness. An email today gave me a chance at a job I would possibly like to do in Ann Arbor, which complicates the strong "I just don't want to go back" feelings. Part of me thinks the job search here is going to be fruitless so I should accept that I am going back to Ann Arbor now, and spend the next seven months living it up as much as I can. The other half says I have an amazing life here, and if I can manage to get a job I could forseeably stay for just about... ever. Especially were Mr. Darcy or some other gentleman of the English sort to appear in my life, he could make it a permanent change. And I really like that idea. But at least the Ann Arbor option is becoming more palatable. I just wish I knew what I wanted. *sniff* Better to have two such nice options than worse ones though, I guess.
In other news, Koinonia is very good. New people, new events, partnerships with an important trust and other such good things. At the same time, thoughts of the future are starting to sap away the vim I have for things present. Its honestly very hard to build relationships with people when I know I will stop seeing them in June. Ever. I wonder if some of the reason I want to stay around is so I can help the new woman staffer and aid in any way with the transition next year. Friends are great, I've got a good work/life balance (finally! and probably temporarily) and I have learned the art of scheduling in a movie/concert/pub time with some people and then saying "NO!" to anything (even work) that tries to stand in my way. Last Friday it was a screening of "The Last King of Scotland" (NOT a date movie, its ok but intense and not redeeming in the least). I'm beginnning to plot some trips out of London, to the Lake District and maybe Eastern Europe this summer. And concerts and picnics galore, whether I stay or not. I was spontaneous on Sunday (I know, please no heart attacks) and took my bus to the end of the line after Mass, and walked back through the Heath. It was so green, and the sun came out, and many happy people, and an amazing view of miles of London... and I thought how blessed I am to be here. For long, who knows, but these two years are sufficient blessing!
So it continues. My life. Pretty normal most of the time, interrupted with spasms of complete confusion. Tonight many things have set this off. Mr. Ferrars is officially leaving, and very soon. I am sad because he is a good friend, Miss Dashwood is sadder, but it seems he will not stumble at the post and might actually declare his affection before leaving, which makes her happy and me smug and rather Emma-feeling. Mr. Darcy and I had an interesting interlude a couple of weeks ago, involving a pub and a VERY out of character remark where he jokingly invited me to sit on his knee... *blush* Then a random connection with my parents, can't explain that really. I would like to note, for those of you who wonder why gentlemen make frequent appearances in my journal, that there is good reason. I'm an undiscerned girl, meaning I might still choose not to marry. But since I don't know yet, I do (carefully of course) have crushes on the occasional boy in my life. I find it rather unavoidable. Since this can make for interesting reading, and does occupy at least some of my circuitous thought patterns, I talk about it here. That is all the justifying I am doing. On a similar note, I just saw a trailer for a movie called "Becoming Jane"! Its all about Jane Austen's love life AND it has James McAvoy... then the thought of Mr. Darcy and I going to see such a film in the autumn does just about send me into fits of giggles.
Anyway, these gentlemen are only a small bit of the craziness. An email today gave me a chance at a job I would possibly like to do in Ann Arbor, which complicates the strong "I just don't want to go back" feelings. Part of me thinks the job search here is going to be fruitless so I should accept that I am going back to Ann Arbor now, and spend the next seven months living it up as much as I can. The other half says I have an amazing life here, and if I can manage to get a job I could forseeably stay for just about... ever. Especially were Mr. Darcy or some other gentleman of the English sort to appear in my life, he could make it a permanent change. And I really like that idea. But at least the Ann Arbor option is becoming more palatable. I just wish I knew what I wanted. *sniff* Better to have two such nice options than worse ones though, I guess.
In other news, Koinonia is very good. New people, new events, partnerships with an important trust and other such good things. At the same time, thoughts of the future are starting to sap away the vim I have for things present. Its honestly very hard to build relationships with people when I know I will stop seeing them in June. Ever. I wonder if some of the reason I want to stay around is so I can help the new woman staffer and aid in any way with the transition next year. Friends are great, I've got a good work/life balance (finally! and probably temporarily) and I have learned the art of scheduling in a movie/concert/pub time with some people and then saying "NO!" to anything (even work) that tries to stand in my way. Last Friday it was a screening of "The Last King of Scotland" (NOT a date movie, its ok but intense and not redeeming in the least). I'm beginnning to plot some trips out of London, to the Lake District and maybe Eastern Europe this summer. And concerts and picnics galore, whether I stay or not. I was spontaneous on Sunday (I know, please no heart attacks) and took my bus to the end of the line after Mass, and walked back through the Heath. It was so green, and the sun came out, and many happy people, and an amazing view of miles of London... and I thought how blessed I am to be here. For long, who knows, but these two years are sufficient blessing!