Lost fic: Bonfire [Sawyer/Juliet, 3200 words]
Bonfire
by eponine119
November 25, 2021
The annual Dharma Initiative end of summer party is in full swing. The music has been cranked up, and the whole beach smells like beer and barbecue as the sun fades into nothingness.
The four of them sit on scratchy granny square blankets that let the sand through crocheted holes. Their spot is slightly away from everyone else.
“End of summer,” Jin says, almost questioningly.
“Yeah,” Miles replies sarcastically, because they live on a tropical island. The weather doesn’t vary much, and neither do the times of sunrise and sunset. There isn’t much to differentiate each season from the next.
“It’s tradition,” Juliet says. “And as a tradition, it lasted even after all this -” She indicates the people around them, “was finished and gone.”
“The Others had an end of summer party?” Sawyer says, looking at her intently.
Juliet nods. “Every year.”
“You all were a barrel of laughs, weren’t you?” he says, with a hint of bitter accusation.
“Guess so,” Juliet says, and looks down at the sand she’s sitting on. She picks up a handful and lets it drain through her fist. She won’t say more, now. There’s no use in telling them about it. She thinks about what a nice time she had, that first year, before she knew what it would all become. Looking at their small group, she thinks that they should be trying to have a nice time, instead of watching from the sidelines.
A squeal comes from down the beach. The kind of squeal that makes them all tense up, if only for a second, out of habit, before realizing it’s a squeal of delight. A cry for attention, really, from one of the women playing volleyball.
“Hey, Jin,” Miles says. “You like volleyball?”
Jin smiles, and gets up to join Miles. They stand there for a moment, brushing the sand from their clothes.
“Jim?” Miles says.
“Playin’ volleyball in the dark. Sure sounds like a good time,” Sawyer says. He leans back on one elbow. “Pass.”
Juliet is already shaking her head, so they don’t ask her. They just traipse off to join in the fun, leaving her alone with Sawyer. She looks at him, but doesn’t know what to say. “They should light the bonfire soon.”
“What time’s the human sacrifice?”
“We saved that for Christmas,” she replies, and he glances at her. She nods, deadpan, and his mouth opens.
Then he tosses his head back with a short laugh. “That’s what I like about you, Blondie,” he declares. She continues to look at him, waiting for him to elaborate, but he doesn’t. He just sits up and picks up another can of beer. It hisses faintly as he opens it, then he guzzles half it down. He lets out a sigh and looks down at the can, studying the familiar white and black label, running his fingers along the metal.
Alone in this crowd, and neither of them can think of anything to say to each other.
Juliet tries to think of something, but discards each possibility. As she picks up another handful of sand, she’s aware of his eyes on her. She wonders what he sees when he looks at her. She probably doesn’t want to know.
They’ve settled into an uneasy friendship here. He’s still openly angry sometimes, holding a grudge against her for all the things she did, for everything that the Others did. She thinks that she understands it, but she doesn’t know how to fix it, so she’s hoping time will do the job.
And yet, she also knows he trusts her with his life, which feels huge.
He finishes off the beer. She hears the aluminum crumple slightly as he crushes it with his fist. It plinks as he tosses it down in the sand.
She trusts him, too. It’s been such a long time since she had anyone that she trusted. He doesn’t have an agenda here, not really, beyond going home, which is all that she wants. There’s a certain irony in trusting a man who hates her, when for three years she’s feared a man who wanted her. Except Sawyer doesn’t hate her. Maybe he never did. Didn’t he just say that he liked her?
He cracks open another beer. “You want one of these?” he asks. He’s got a little pile of cans and he hasn’t drank all of them yet. She knows he probably will, before the night is over. She’s seen it before, the way he goes through them like water, and after awhile it starts to take the edges off. He’s never visibly drunk, but there’s something in his eyes at the end of the night that betrays him.
Dharma beer is not something she enjoys, but she says, “Yeah. Okay.”
He holds out the can he’s just opened and she takes it. He opens another one and holds it up as though toasting. Juliet takes a sip, and finds it hasn’t improved. She takes a deep breath and wonders how many of these she would need to get drunk, but it’s too many. Someone at this party probably has some hard liquor, which is more her choice, because it’s faster and it burns, and sometimes she just wants to burn.
“Why do you drink so much?” Juliet asks, watching his face.
His expression rearranges itself into a hard glare, but then it fades. “Maybe I just like it.”
It’s not the answer she was looking for, but it might be an honest one. She looks at him another moment longer, trying to decide.
“I ain’t got a problem with it, if that’s what you’re thinkin’.”
She shakes her head. “That’s not what I was thinking,” she says.
He leans in toward her. “Then what were you thinking?” he asks.
“I was just curious,” she says.
“Curious. About me,” he scoffs, like doesn’t believe it.
Her brows draw together, because something vulnerable crossed his face for a second, and she doesn’t understand it at all. It makes her heart race.
But there’s a commotion on the beach, and Sawyer puts his hand on her forearm. She looks at him and he nods to the mound of sticks and kindling. “They’re going to light the bonfire,” he says.
Juliet redirects her attention to the main event. Horace Goodspeed, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, holds a torch aloft. Then he touches it to the bonfire, which goes up instantly, the flames shooting toward the sky. Everyone around them cheers. As the flames settle into an orange glow, people return to what they were doing.
Sawyer’s hand is still resting on her arm. They seem to realize it at the same time. His fingers tighten, holding her firmly, like he’s about to pull her towards him. The firelight has softened his features, and he’s looking at her like he’s never seen her before, like she’s someone entirely new. She glances down at his mouth, almost involuntarily, and he sees her do it.
But when she meets his eyes, he lets go of her forcefully, as though he’s been burned.
She wonders what just happened. She almost asks him, but he turns away for another beer and it starts to feel like a rejection, and to her surprise that hurts.
“It’s a little like the old days, on the beach,” she says. Trying again to make a connection. “The fire.”
“Except nobody here’s tryin’ to get rescued.” He heaves a sigh, staring at the bonfire. The smoke from it curls up into the sky.
She takes another sip of her beer, and then sets it down. “It smells good,” she says, still speaking of the fire. He inhales, like it hadn’t occurred to him before, and she almost wants to laugh.
“It’s beautiful,” he says, but he’s looking at her.
The tension between them is building again. There’s always been an undercurrent that Juliet could feel, like a magnet pulling them together or pushing them apart. It didn’t matter which, but it was there. One of these days, there’s going to be an explosion. She doesn’t know if it will be violence, or something else. There are days she doesn’t care, but she almost yearns for it.
She’ll have to be careful, she thinks, but she would rather be reckless.
She could do something about it, but she kind of enjoys the simmer. He must feel it, too, she thinks, but she’s not sure she could take a rejection, not after everything they’ve been through, everything she has been through on this island. She’s not sure it would be worth ruining their dynamic. Their almost-friendship.
Part of her wants to talk it out with him, so she just drinks more beer. He watches her, the firelight curious in his eyes as she swipes her mouth with the back of her hand. His dimples flash, and she wishes she could read minds, and he turns his head away.
“Lookie who we got over there,” he says, in a low smooth voice.
He moves his thumb to indicate where he’s looking. A young boy, perhaps twelve years old, with orange firelight reflecting in the lenses of his wire-rimmed glasses. He’s pulled away from the group and he’s not alone. A girl of a similar age with long brown hair sits beside him. Juliet notices they are holding hands.
Juliet’s heart sinks, the way it always does when she sees the younger version of Ben.
As they watch, the girl - whose name is Abby or Annie, something like that, Juliet isn’t sure - leans in and gently removes Ben’s glasses. He blinks at her wide-eyed as she sets them aside.
Beside her, Sawyer chuckles, low in his throat.
The teenagers kiss, tentatively at first.
Juliet closes her eyes to shut it out.
“Well ain’t that somethin’,” Sawyer says. “No wonder old Benny-boy kept up this tradition once he was grown and in charge.”
Juliet forces her eyes back open. She unclenches her jaw. She looks at Sawyer, who is still watching.
“He had a thing for you, right?” Sawyer asks, without turning his head.
“I’m surprised you knew about that,” Juliet says, as evenly as she can.
“I read people for a living, sweetheart,” he reminds her. There’s a toughness in it, his tone and his words. He’s bragging about something he hates himself for.
She thinks he’s all contrasts, that there are conflicting layers that run deep and half of them are armored with spikes for self-protection. It fascinates her, and she doesn’t want it to, because she wants to peel those layers away. She wants to dig deep into him. To be the only one to see his essence, the reality of the man. And she knows better.
She knows better and she’s not sure she cares.
She glances at Ben and the girl again. They’re still at it, learning as they go. She’s probably witnessing Ben’s first kiss. She wants to laugh hysterically, because while she’s been able to cope with most of the aspects of time travel up to now, this makes her feel like she’s losing her mind.
She looks at the bonfire, trying to become mesmerized by the movement of the flames. But she’s drawn again to Sawyer. His hand rests against his thigh, and she thinks about that hand. It would be strong and hot. His touch might be rough but his skin would be soft.
“Kinda sweet,” he says. She blinks and looks at his face. He tips his head. “Guess even monsters need love sometimes.” He gives her a questioning look.
It’s almost an admission. Both that Sawyer thinks of himself that way, and that he needs someone. Not just someone, but love.
And they are in this together. They are alike. She has done so many terrible things she’s not sure she even trusts herself anymore.
But she trusts him.
“This shindig’s bound to end sooner or later,” Sawyer says, and he’s looking at the bonfire again. “Anything you wanna do before that?”
“What did you have in mind?” she asks.
He glances at her and gives her a wicked smile. “Who says I’ve got something in mind?” But almost instantly, he relents. “You ever dance to disco music?”
“I think disco’s a couple years off,” Juliet says. There’s a funny little fluttering in her chest.
“You ever dance?” he rephrases.
She raises an eyebrow and lets her voice drop. “Are you asking me?” It’s already a dance between them, with neither willing or able to admit what they want.
“What the hell,” he says, with an air of throwing caution to the wind. He gets to his feet and holds out his hand. She takes it, memorizing the feel of his fingers wrapping around hers as he pulls her up. It’s a moment before he lets go.
They walk down to where a few couples are dancing, close enough to the bonfire to feel its heat and hear the crackle of the flames. Sawyer stops and turns to her. Juliet meets his eyes, and they stand there awkwardly for another moment. Then she takes half a step forward, and he wraps his arms around her.
He lets out a heavy breath past her ear and she feels him start to relax against her. She’s a little too tall for it but she puts her head against his shoulder. He sways a little to the beat of the music. His shirt is warm underneath her cheek, and he smells like light cologne and beer and sweat.
“People are gonna talk,” he murmurs into her ear.
“What are they going to say?” she shoots back.
He just chuckles. “Let ‘em talk,” he declares.
What they are doing is barely even dancing, shuffling and swaying back and forth. “I don’t think I’ve done this since the senior prom,” Juliet says.
He doesn’t tell her how long it’s been for him. She remembers that his con man act involved romance. He’s probably done this plenty. She feels like she needs to surface for air, like she’s drowning, as she wonders if this is real or if this is just another con. She wonders when it started to matter to her.
“You’re doin’ fine,” he whispers to her.
She closes her eyes and lets some of the tension go. Right now, this is the only place in the world she wants to be. The shock of not bearing the weight of her longing for home leaves her feeling light.
She waits for the guilt to set in, but it doesn’t.
He’s hot and solid against her. “I feel safe here. With you,” she says, marveling at it a little. It’s been a long time since she’s felt that way. The past three years have been one long struggle, and before that, there was her ex-husband.
Sawyer huffs. “Always figured myself for the dangerous type,” he says, sounding a little amused. “Must be losin’ my edge.”
“I didn’t mean -”
He snuggles her a bit closer. “You make me feel safe, too,” he murmurs, almost inaudibly, which is how she knows that he means it. It burns inside her heart, because she doesn’t think he’s had much safety in his life at all.
His fingers stroke her hair. They shuffle-step in a tight circle, and the music changes. She imagines she can feel his heart beating, and it’s fast. It occurs to her that she could kiss him, and heat floods through her body. He might even kiss her back.
Then it’s the only thing she can think about and she indulges in a little fantasy. She wants him to touch her; she’s a little surprised he hasn’t tried to feel her up. Thoughts about his mouth spin inside her imagination. All she would have to do is lift her head. He’s right there.
A deep voice yells, ending her reverie. “Time to wrap it up! Thanks for another great year!” The music cuts out.
Juliet thinks she feels the whisper of Sawyer’s lips brushing against her hair, and then he releases her, taking a step back. She wobbles, unsteady on her feet, and to her embarrassment, he sees it. He puts his hand on her arm to steady her. She blinks and tries to smile at him, and he pulls his hand away.
“You guys missed a hell of a tournament.” Miles and Jin reappear.
“I spike,” Jin beams proudly.
“Jin kicked ass. What have you two been doing?” Miles looks from Sawyer to Juliet.
“Nothing,” Sawyer declares, both a warning and an ending to the line of questioning.
Juliet wraps her arms around herself, suddenly cold. Nothing, she thinks.
“Then you missed out,” Miles declares. He and Jin start to follow the crowd back to the barracks. “You coming?”
She feels Sawyer looking at her. She nods without turning her head. “Let’s go home,” she says, and she hears the strain in her voice. She moves to follow Miles and Jin.
Sawyer falls into step with her. “You okay, Blondie?” he asks.
“Fine,” she replies evenly. She’s used to pretending. She wonders if she fell for him all at once tonight, or if it’s been building for some time. It was just the bonfire, she thinks. The bonfire and his arms. It won’t take long for her to forget about it.
“You cold?” he asks.
“No.” She drops her arms to her sides, but it makes her feel exposed.
Their friends and neighbors stream past them, cutting across the village green to the little yellow houses. They reach their own house, and Miles and Jin go inside. Juliet stops for a minute, to look and to watch. She glances up at the sky.
The siding of the house creaks as Sawyer presses his shoulder into it, leaning beside her. Looking at her.
She looks at him curiously and then makes her decision. She looks into his eyes for a second and then presses her lips to his. He doesn’t seem surprised at all. He returns the kiss, leisurely and soft.
It leaves her breathless, and he smiles at her when the kiss ends. “Beat me to it,” he declares.
Something like hope soars inside her chest.
“Don’t look so surprised,” he tells her, and kisses her again. His hands slip underneath the hem of her shirt, and she presses closer.
“I think Jim and Juliet got lost,” Miles says, loud, from inside the house. The sound carries through the open window.
“Busy,” Jin says, and their voices fade as he must pull Miles away from the window.
“We should go in,” Juliet murmurs. Sawyer makes a faintly aggravated sound, but he tugs her shirt back down.
He looks at her and a smile plays around his lips. She finds herself smiling back. “You got what you wanted, is that it?” he teases.
“That’s not even the beginning of what I want,” she confesses, and then holds her breath. Tightening her stomach as though anticipating a punch, waiting for rejection, even now.
“Me either,” he breathes. He looks at her like he’s hungry, and it’s a promise of what’s to come.
(end)
by eponine119
November 25, 2021
The annual Dharma Initiative end of summer party is in full swing. The music has been cranked up, and the whole beach smells like beer and barbecue as the sun fades into nothingness.
The four of them sit on scratchy granny square blankets that let the sand through crocheted holes. Their spot is slightly away from everyone else.
“End of summer,” Jin says, almost questioningly.
“Yeah,” Miles replies sarcastically, because they live on a tropical island. The weather doesn’t vary much, and neither do the times of sunrise and sunset. There isn’t much to differentiate each season from the next.
“It’s tradition,” Juliet says. “And as a tradition, it lasted even after all this -” She indicates the people around them, “was finished and gone.”
“The Others had an end of summer party?” Sawyer says, looking at her intently.
Juliet nods. “Every year.”
“You all were a barrel of laughs, weren’t you?” he says, with a hint of bitter accusation.
“Guess so,” Juliet says, and looks down at the sand she’s sitting on. She picks up a handful and lets it drain through her fist. She won’t say more, now. There’s no use in telling them about it. She thinks about what a nice time she had, that first year, before she knew what it would all become. Looking at their small group, she thinks that they should be trying to have a nice time, instead of watching from the sidelines.
A squeal comes from down the beach. The kind of squeal that makes them all tense up, if only for a second, out of habit, before realizing it’s a squeal of delight. A cry for attention, really, from one of the women playing volleyball.
“Hey, Jin,” Miles says. “You like volleyball?”
Jin smiles, and gets up to join Miles. They stand there for a moment, brushing the sand from their clothes.
“Jim?” Miles says.
“Playin’ volleyball in the dark. Sure sounds like a good time,” Sawyer says. He leans back on one elbow. “Pass.”
Juliet is already shaking her head, so they don’t ask her. They just traipse off to join in the fun, leaving her alone with Sawyer. She looks at him, but doesn’t know what to say. “They should light the bonfire soon.”
“What time’s the human sacrifice?”
“We saved that for Christmas,” she replies, and he glances at her. She nods, deadpan, and his mouth opens.
Then he tosses his head back with a short laugh. “That’s what I like about you, Blondie,” he declares. She continues to look at him, waiting for him to elaborate, but he doesn’t. He just sits up and picks up another can of beer. It hisses faintly as he opens it, then he guzzles half it down. He lets out a sigh and looks down at the can, studying the familiar white and black label, running his fingers along the metal.
Alone in this crowd, and neither of them can think of anything to say to each other.
Juliet tries to think of something, but discards each possibility. As she picks up another handful of sand, she’s aware of his eyes on her. She wonders what he sees when he looks at her. She probably doesn’t want to know.
They’ve settled into an uneasy friendship here. He’s still openly angry sometimes, holding a grudge against her for all the things she did, for everything that the Others did. She thinks that she understands it, but she doesn’t know how to fix it, so she’s hoping time will do the job.
And yet, she also knows he trusts her with his life, which feels huge.
He finishes off the beer. She hears the aluminum crumple slightly as he crushes it with his fist. It plinks as he tosses it down in the sand.
She trusts him, too. It’s been such a long time since she had anyone that she trusted. He doesn’t have an agenda here, not really, beyond going home, which is all that she wants. There’s a certain irony in trusting a man who hates her, when for three years she’s feared a man who wanted her. Except Sawyer doesn’t hate her. Maybe he never did. Didn’t he just say that he liked her?
He cracks open another beer. “You want one of these?” he asks. He’s got a little pile of cans and he hasn’t drank all of them yet. She knows he probably will, before the night is over. She’s seen it before, the way he goes through them like water, and after awhile it starts to take the edges off. He’s never visibly drunk, but there’s something in his eyes at the end of the night that betrays him.
Dharma beer is not something she enjoys, but she says, “Yeah. Okay.”
He holds out the can he’s just opened and she takes it. He opens another one and holds it up as though toasting. Juliet takes a sip, and finds it hasn’t improved. She takes a deep breath and wonders how many of these she would need to get drunk, but it’s too many. Someone at this party probably has some hard liquor, which is more her choice, because it’s faster and it burns, and sometimes she just wants to burn.
“Why do you drink so much?” Juliet asks, watching his face.
His expression rearranges itself into a hard glare, but then it fades. “Maybe I just like it.”
It’s not the answer she was looking for, but it might be an honest one. She looks at him another moment longer, trying to decide.
“I ain’t got a problem with it, if that’s what you’re thinkin’.”
She shakes her head. “That’s not what I was thinking,” she says.
He leans in toward her. “Then what were you thinking?” he asks.
“I was just curious,” she says.
“Curious. About me,” he scoffs, like doesn’t believe it.
Her brows draw together, because something vulnerable crossed his face for a second, and she doesn’t understand it at all. It makes her heart race.
But there’s a commotion on the beach, and Sawyer puts his hand on her forearm. She looks at him and he nods to the mound of sticks and kindling. “They’re going to light the bonfire,” he says.
Juliet redirects her attention to the main event. Horace Goodspeed, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, holds a torch aloft. Then he touches it to the bonfire, which goes up instantly, the flames shooting toward the sky. Everyone around them cheers. As the flames settle into an orange glow, people return to what they were doing.
Sawyer’s hand is still resting on her arm. They seem to realize it at the same time. His fingers tighten, holding her firmly, like he’s about to pull her towards him. The firelight has softened his features, and he’s looking at her like he’s never seen her before, like she’s someone entirely new. She glances down at his mouth, almost involuntarily, and he sees her do it.
But when she meets his eyes, he lets go of her forcefully, as though he’s been burned.
She wonders what just happened. She almost asks him, but he turns away for another beer and it starts to feel like a rejection, and to her surprise that hurts.
“It’s a little like the old days, on the beach,” she says. Trying again to make a connection. “The fire.”
“Except nobody here’s tryin’ to get rescued.” He heaves a sigh, staring at the bonfire. The smoke from it curls up into the sky.
She takes another sip of her beer, and then sets it down. “It smells good,” she says, still speaking of the fire. He inhales, like it hadn’t occurred to him before, and she almost wants to laugh.
“It’s beautiful,” he says, but he’s looking at her.
The tension between them is building again. There’s always been an undercurrent that Juliet could feel, like a magnet pulling them together or pushing them apart. It didn’t matter which, but it was there. One of these days, there’s going to be an explosion. She doesn’t know if it will be violence, or something else. There are days she doesn’t care, but she almost yearns for it.
She’ll have to be careful, she thinks, but she would rather be reckless.
She could do something about it, but she kind of enjoys the simmer. He must feel it, too, she thinks, but she’s not sure she could take a rejection, not after everything they’ve been through, everything she has been through on this island. She’s not sure it would be worth ruining their dynamic. Their almost-friendship.
Part of her wants to talk it out with him, so she just drinks more beer. He watches her, the firelight curious in his eyes as she swipes her mouth with the back of her hand. His dimples flash, and she wishes she could read minds, and he turns his head away.
“Lookie who we got over there,” he says, in a low smooth voice.
He moves his thumb to indicate where he’s looking. A young boy, perhaps twelve years old, with orange firelight reflecting in the lenses of his wire-rimmed glasses. He’s pulled away from the group and he’s not alone. A girl of a similar age with long brown hair sits beside him. Juliet notices they are holding hands.
Juliet’s heart sinks, the way it always does when she sees the younger version of Ben.
As they watch, the girl - whose name is Abby or Annie, something like that, Juliet isn’t sure - leans in and gently removes Ben’s glasses. He blinks at her wide-eyed as she sets them aside.
Beside her, Sawyer chuckles, low in his throat.
The teenagers kiss, tentatively at first.
Juliet closes her eyes to shut it out.
“Well ain’t that somethin’,” Sawyer says. “No wonder old Benny-boy kept up this tradition once he was grown and in charge.”
Juliet forces her eyes back open. She unclenches her jaw. She looks at Sawyer, who is still watching.
“He had a thing for you, right?” Sawyer asks, without turning his head.
“I’m surprised you knew about that,” Juliet says, as evenly as she can.
“I read people for a living, sweetheart,” he reminds her. There’s a toughness in it, his tone and his words. He’s bragging about something he hates himself for.
She thinks he’s all contrasts, that there are conflicting layers that run deep and half of them are armored with spikes for self-protection. It fascinates her, and she doesn’t want it to, because she wants to peel those layers away. She wants to dig deep into him. To be the only one to see his essence, the reality of the man. And she knows better.
She knows better and she’s not sure she cares.
She glances at Ben and the girl again. They’re still at it, learning as they go. She’s probably witnessing Ben’s first kiss. She wants to laugh hysterically, because while she’s been able to cope with most of the aspects of time travel up to now, this makes her feel like she’s losing her mind.
She looks at the bonfire, trying to become mesmerized by the movement of the flames. But she’s drawn again to Sawyer. His hand rests against his thigh, and she thinks about that hand. It would be strong and hot. His touch might be rough but his skin would be soft.
“Kinda sweet,” he says. She blinks and looks at his face. He tips his head. “Guess even monsters need love sometimes.” He gives her a questioning look.
It’s almost an admission. Both that Sawyer thinks of himself that way, and that he needs someone. Not just someone, but love.
And they are in this together. They are alike. She has done so many terrible things she’s not sure she even trusts herself anymore.
But she trusts him.
“This shindig’s bound to end sooner or later,” Sawyer says, and he’s looking at the bonfire again. “Anything you wanna do before that?”
“What did you have in mind?” she asks.
He glances at her and gives her a wicked smile. “Who says I’ve got something in mind?” But almost instantly, he relents. “You ever dance to disco music?”
“I think disco’s a couple years off,” Juliet says. There’s a funny little fluttering in her chest.
“You ever dance?” he rephrases.
She raises an eyebrow and lets her voice drop. “Are you asking me?” It’s already a dance between them, with neither willing or able to admit what they want.
“What the hell,” he says, with an air of throwing caution to the wind. He gets to his feet and holds out his hand. She takes it, memorizing the feel of his fingers wrapping around hers as he pulls her up. It’s a moment before he lets go.
They walk down to where a few couples are dancing, close enough to the bonfire to feel its heat and hear the crackle of the flames. Sawyer stops and turns to her. Juliet meets his eyes, and they stand there awkwardly for another moment. Then she takes half a step forward, and he wraps his arms around her.
He lets out a heavy breath past her ear and she feels him start to relax against her. She’s a little too tall for it but she puts her head against his shoulder. He sways a little to the beat of the music. His shirt is warm underneath her cheek, and he smells like light cologne and beer and sweat.
“People are gonna talk,” he murmurs into her ear.
“What are they going to say?” she shoots back.
He just chuckles. “Let ‘em talk,” he declares.
What they are doing is barely even dancing, shuffling and swaying back and forth. “I don’t think I’ve done this since the senior prom,” Juliet says.
He doesn’t tell her how long it’s been for him. She remembers that his con man act involved romance. He’s probably done this plenty. She feels like she needs to surface for air, like she’s drowning, as she wonders if this is real or if this is just another con. She wonders when it started to matter to her.
“You’re doin’ fine,” he whispers to her.
She closes her eyes and lets some of the tension go. Right now, this is the only place in the world she wants to be. The shock of not bearing the weight of her longing for home leaves her feeling light.
She waits for the guilt to set in, but it doesn’t.
He’s hot and solid against her. “I feel safe here. With you,” she says, marveling at it a little. It’s been a long time since she’s felt that way. The past three years have been one long struggle, and before that, there was her ex-husband.
Sawyer huffs. “Always figured myself for the dangerous type,” he says, sounding a little amused. “Must be losin’ my edge.”
“I didn’t mean -”
He snuggles her a bit closer. “You make me feel safe, too,” he murmurs, almost inaudibly, which is how she knows that he means it. It burns inside her heart, because she doesn’t think he’s had much safety in his life at all.
His fingers stroke her hair. They shuffle-step in a tight circle, and the music changes. She imagines she can feel his heart beating, and it’s fast. It occurs to her that she could kiss him, and heat floods through her body. He might even kiss her back.
Then it’s the only thing she can think about and she indulges in a little fantasy. She wants him to touch her; she’s a little surprised he hasn’t tried to feel her up. Thoughts about his mouth spin inside her imagination. All she would have to do is lift her head. He’s right there.
A deep voice yells, ending her reverie. “Time to wrap it up! Thanks for another great year!” The music cuts out.
Juliet thinks she feels the whisper of Sawyer’s lips brushing against her hair, and then he releases her, taking a step back. She wobbles, unsteady on her feet, and to her embarrassment, he sees it. He puts his hand on her arm to steady her. She blinks and tries to smile at him, and he pulls his hand away.
“You guys missed a hell of a tournament.” Miles and Jin reappear.
“I spike,” Jin beams proudly.
“Jin kicked ass. What have you two been doing?” Miles looks from Sawyer to Juliet.
“Nothing,” Sawyer declares, both a warning and an ending to the line of questioning.
Juliet wraps her arms around herself, suddenly cold. Nothing, she thinks.
“Then you missed out,” Miles declares. He and Jin start to follow the crowd back to the barracks. “You coming?”
She feels Sawyer looking at her. She nods without turning her head. “Let’s go home,” she says, and she hears the strain in her voice. She moves to follow Miles and Jin.
Sawyer falls into step with her. “You okay, Blondie?” he asks.
“Fine,” she replies evenly. She’s used to pretending. She wonders if she fell for him all at once tonight, or if it’s been building for some time. It was just the bonfire, she thinks. The bonfire and his arms. It won’t take long for her to forget about it.
“You cold?” he asks.
“No.” She drops her arms to her sides, but it makes her feel exposed.
Their friends and neighbors stream past them, cutting across the village green to the little yellow houses. They reach their own house, and Miles and Jin go inside. Juliet stops for a minute, to look and to watch. She glances up at the sky.
The siding of the house creaks as Sawyer presses his shoulder into it, leaning beside her. Looking at her.
She looks at him curiously and then makes her decision. She looks into his eyes for a second and then presses her lips to his. He doesn’t seem surprised at all. He returns the kiss, leisurely and soft.
It leaves her breathless, and he smiles at her when the kiss ends. “Beat me to it,” he declares.
Something like hope soars inside her chest.
“Don’t look so surprised,” he tells her, and kisses her again. His hands slip underneath the hem of her shirt, and she presses closer.
“I think Jim and Juliet got lost,” Miles says, loud, from inside the house. The sound carries through the open window.
“Busy,” Jin says, and their voices fade as he must pull Miles away from the window.
“We should go in,” Juliet murmurs. Sawyer makes a faintly aggravated sound, but he tugs her shirt back down.
He looks at her and a smile plays around his lips. She finds herself smiling back. “You got what you wanted, is that it?” he teases.
“That’s not even the beginning of what I want,” she confesses, and then holds her breath. Tightening her stomach as though anticipating a punch, waiting for rejection, even now.
“Me either,” he breathes. He looks at her like he’s hungry, and it’s a promise of what’s to come.
(end)