Lost fic: "In a Sydney Hotel Room" Sawyer/Kate
Disclaimer: Lost belongs to ABC, not to me. No infringement intended.
Archive: Please ask first.
A/N: Written for lostfichallenge #4, using or inspired by the lyrics "Do you like to sleep alone, or is that just what you tell everyone?"
Summary: The hardest thing to say is goodbye. Sawyer/Kate.
In a Sydney Hotel Room
by eponine119
August 10, 2005
She caught him with his shorts in his hand. If she'd woken a few moments earlier, she would have found him watching her sleep. It had taken him so long to find the strength to leave her.
Now he froze, guilty, and watched her lip curl with disgust. That's how it always was between them; now would be no different. "You like to sleep alone, is that it?"
He gave as good as he got: "I'm surprised you're still here, kitten."
She crossed her arms, the sheet pulled up over her chest protectively. "My room," she pointed out.
"Yeah," he agreed, running a hand through his long, tangled hair as he looked at her. Then he stepped into his shorts and slid them up his lean hips, knowing it was over between them one way or another. "But we both know you're not gonna wait around for them to find out who you are." She lowered her head, ashamed. "Are ya?" Her eyes closed as she shook her head in answer to his question. "Didn't think so."
"I can't," she said, like it was her excuse.
"I been to jail, you know," he said. He felt cold standing here and he didn't know what to do with his hands. This'd be a whole lot easier if she'd throw back the covers and pull him into bed again.
"Somehow I'm not surprised," she said.
He glared at her, hurt, and she shot him one of her trademark looks. The ones that always disarmed him, breaking through his well-honed defenses. She'd be a hell of a grifter. He reached for his jeans and tried to think of something to say. "Can I do anything?" he offered, sitting down in the chair by the TV.
She shook her head. Trying to release him. Just a few minutes later and he would have been gone. That's how one-night stands were supposed to end. Funny how it never happened in all that time on the island. They had to meet up in the hotel bar, each of them trying to forget about being rescued and how hard their real lives were.
He somehow managed to look at her again. She was so beautiful it made him ache. After awhile you got used to it; didn't notice it anymore. But now, seeing her like this, in civilization, after finally having her in his arms, he couldn't quite stand it.
She wound the sheet closer around her, pulling up her knees to rest her chin against them. "You never told me why you were in Sydney."
"It was a long time ago," he said.
"Still. There must have been a reason," she pressed.
"You get to keep your secrets," he said sharply. "Let me keep mine."
She nodded, allowing it. "You're hurt."
Out of habit, he looked down, expecting to see scratches from the jungle. But she didn't mean physically, and he let out a low chuckle. "I thought we agreed to leave emotions out of it," he reminded her. "Two lonely people, is all it was. All it ever could be." He looked at her hard and she nodded, but now she was the one with sadness in her eyes. "You wanted me to fall in love with you?"
Her lips curved in something almost like a smile. "I knew better."
He sucked in a long breath through his nose. "Yeah," he said finally. He'd told her a long time ago that he'd never been in love, and she was right to hold him to it.
He had to get up to grab his shirt, plucking it from the floor where she'd thrown it, back when she couldn't get enough of him. He started picking up her clothes, too, and tossing them on the bed. "Better get a move on if you want to get away," he said as her panties landed on the flowered comforter.
"Sawyer," she said, and he flinched. It hurt to end this. He should have known it would.
"It's James," he said with a sigh. Let her have one sad, mundane secret. "Been lying this whole time." She accepted the information without comment and he finished buttoning his shirt. Putting on his shoes would take too long and suddenly he was itching to get out of there, so he just held them in his hand. "And to answer your question, yeah. I like to sleep alone." They both knew it was a lie. He wanted to leave her before he got left. Couldn't bear it otherwise.
"Let me hear you say it," she said, the rising note in her voice enough to make him stop with his hand on the doorknob. "Just one last time."
He stopped. Looked back at her, knowing it was the last time he'd ever see her and wishing it wasn't so. "G'bye, Freckles," he said, and walked out on her.
end