On losing one's mother
As many of you know my mother passed away last week. I had spent the last two weeks with her at the hospital. She suffered a massive stroke which completely destroyed the left side of her brain. She was completely paralized on the right side of her body, would never be able to speak or swallow again. She would have had to have a feeding tube to survive. She made it quite clear that she never wanted a feeding tube. Mom had a living will. We decided to completely honor her wishes and allow her to die peacefully and not have to live as a shell of her former self. My mother was 94 years old and had lived in her own home until the end. She loved to quilt, sew, crochet and garden. In December she finished a quilt for my grandaughter and crocheted a sweater for my neice's new baby. She was in the middle of another quilt for a grandchild when she had the stroke.
The two weeks in the hospital were very hard. I have a very controlling sister who is a nurse and none of us could even make a suggestion or ask a question without it being taken as criticism of her directly.
The seven of us siblings argued, cried, shared, and laughed together. We found we remember things from our childhood very differently. It was a very painful time for me. I can never really be me around them as they are VERY conservative Christians. I was surprised to find that most of them do not like our current President. They are all very staunch Republicans but they feel he has made a very big mess of things. I guess our pacifist upbringing stuck a bit better than I realized.
I discovered some things about myself. I have let the sister who is controling keep me from being a real part of that family for many years because I detest her intollerance and stay away. I discoverd that the rest of my family feels more like I do than I thought. All of them were very supportive of me when she put me in tears (very often I might add). My neices and nephews several of them came to me and told me they had always thought it was just them she was evil to. It opened their eyes to see that she is just that way to all of us. My oldest brother, right before I left, told me he was sorry many of them had never allowed me to ba an adult in their eyes. I told him I appreciated that but he could never make my sister accept me or that I have been a grown up for years. Throughout the week he made a lot of comments (snide) that made me realize they all see through her. I have never felt as loved by the rest of my family as I did during this time. Even my youngest brother who has treated me shitty every since we became adults (much out of the fact that he too was never accepted as an adult till recently) came up to me as soon as I got there put his arm around me and said hey sis I love you, I miss you.
I discovered that I need to be more a part of this family than I have been in a long time. I still will probably never be able to be comfortable around the one sister and will continue to avoid her as much as I can. She did some nice tings too, but she has done so much damage with her tongue and actions that I dont' know if I can ever be close to her again. (we used to be very close) She pushed me out of family prayers. She acted like some of the grandchildren (her kids and thier wives) should have more to say about stuff than mom's daughters and sons. I saw her treat her husband like dirt. I feel sorry for her. She has put herself in a position where none of us has very much respect for her and she cannot just enjoy the rest of us the same way as we can. I watched her hurt other siblings over and over without a thought.
All in all I am glad I spent the time with mom while she was dying. I know it meant a lot to her that we were all there.
My mother was a wonderful loving woman, quiet, unassuming, peacemaker, and a very gentle soul. She has gone in peace and was very sure of her afterlife.
Goodbye Mom I will always love you!
The two weeks in the hospital were very hard. I have a very controlling sister who is a nurse and none of us could even make a suggestion or ask a question without it being taken as criticism of her directly.
The seven of us siblings argued, cried, shared, and laughed together. We found we remember things from our childhood very differently. It was a very painful time for me. I can never really be me around them as they are VERY conservative Christians. I was surprised to find that most of them do not like our current President. They are all very staunch Republicans but they feel he has made a very big mess of things. I guess our pacifist upbringing stuck a bit better than I realized.
I discovered some things about myself. I have let the sister who is controling keep me from being a real part of that family for many years because I detest her intollerance and stay away. I discoverd that the rest of my family feels more like I do than I thought. All of them were very supportive of me when she put me in tears (very often I might add). My neices and nephews several of them came to me and told me they had always thought it was just them she was evil to. It opened their eyes to see that she is just that way to all of us. My oldest brother, right before I left, told me he was sorry many of them had never allowed me to ba an adult in their eyes. I told him I appreciated that but he could never make my sister accept me or that I have been a grown up for years. Throughout the week he made a lot of comments (snide) that made me realize they all see through her. I have never felt as loved by the rest of my family as I did during this time. Even my youngest brother who has treated me shitty every since we became adults (much out of the fact that he too was never accepted as an adult till recently) came up to me as soon as I got there put his arm around me and said hey sis I love you, I miss you.
I discovered that I need to be more a part of this family than I have been in a long time. I still will probably never be able to be comfortable around the one sister and will continue to avoid her as much as I can. She did some nice tings too, but she has done so much damage with her tongue and actions that I dont' know if I can ever be close to her again. (we used to be very close) She pushed me out of family prayers. She acted like some of the grandchildren (her kids and thier wives) should have more to say about stuff than mom's daughters and sons. I saw her treat her husband like dirt. I feel sorry for her. She has put herself in a position where none of us has very much respect for her and she cannot just enjoy the rest of us the same way as we can. I watched her hurt other siblings over and over without a thought.
All in all I am glad I spent the time with mom while she was dying. I know it meant a lot to her that we were all there.
My mother was a wonderful loving woman, quiet, unassuming, peacemaker, and a very gentle soul. She has gone in peace and was very sure of her afterlife.
Goodbye Mom I will always love you!