EDIT: APRIL FOOLS, DNA and Earlham! READ!!!!
EDIT:My gramma think's it's an April Fool's Joke. I think it's sad that I thought it was possible. I hope it is. :) P.S. the Chesterfield Foundation is about historical construction.
What has this world come to? My college is now EXCITED because they have a DNA test kit. If you read below you'll be as freaked out and pissed off as I am. Actually, those aren't even the words. I just am in amazment that they can legally get away with this. If you don't want to read, the jist is, they got a DNA lab. Next year we HAVE to swap our cheek so they can have our DNA on file. Then, they can take samples from cigarette butts on the ground, beer cans lying around and dirty dishes to accuse whoever did it and punish them.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is just ridiculous. I will NOT be swabbing my cheek next year. HELL NO! I would've liked to see them try this at Antioch. HA!
I would just like to point out that theyll be digging through the trash..."and to identify students who discard beer cans on campus, whether or not in proper receptacles." Um, I'm 21, and will be 22 all of next year, and will drink if I want to! Next they're going to be putting cameras in our rooms and in bathroom stalls at the rate they're going!
This is the email we all got from the president.
I am pleased to announce a significant grant from the Chesterfield
Foundation to Earlham to allow us to purchase a portable DNA analysis
system to perform on-site rapid DNA identification tests.
NEC portable DNA lab --
In about 25 minutes, the portable system will allow an individual
using it to (1) take cell samples, (2) extract the DNA, (3) perform
polymerase chain reaction (PCR)
amplification to generate copies of the DNA, (4) perform
electrophoresis to measure the spacing between DNA bands (to create
the genetic fingerprint), and (5) perform short tandem repeat
(STR) analysis to
create a unique genetic profile for the individual.
Members of the Chemistry Department are thrilled at the acquisition
of this new device, which they plan to use in tandem with their NMR,
their gas chromatograph and the college's new anabolic
protoplaser. The Chemistry Department will have to work out
scheduling for the device with Student Development, however, which
will be using the DNA analysis system to identify students (and
others) who discard cigarette butts on the ground rather than in
proper receptacles, and to identify students who discard beer cans on
campus, whether or not in proper receptacles.
A member of the Student Development staff noted that this piece of
equipment will simplify the handling of judicial conduct cases on
campus. Up until now, the college has had to rely on individual
responsibility to identify someone not living up to college
expectations. Now, one machine will do it all. At the beginning of
next semester, at Enrollment Confirmation, all students will be asked
for a cheek swab as a reference sample, so that we can compare DNA
from a cigarette butt or beer with the reference samples of the
entire student body. The portable DNA analysis system can also be
used to discern who left dirty dishes in the sinks of residence hall
kitchens.
No doubt this will take some getting used to. As of April 1, we
have a whole new Earlham. With this new device, we'll have a
cleaner, more obedient college without the tiresome appeals to "take
responsibility."
P Please consider the environment before printing this e-mail.
***********************
Douglas Bennett, President
Earlham
801 National Road West
Richmond, IN 47374
PH: (765) 983-1211
FX: (765) 983-1616
dougb@earlham.edu
www.earlham.edu/~pres
***********************
Um, yeah.
What has this world come to? My college is now EXCITED because they have a DNA test kit. If you read below you'll be as freaked out and pissed off as I am. Actually, those aren't even the words. I just am in amazment that they can legally get away with this. If you don't want to read, the jist is, they got a DNA lab. Next year we HAVE to swap our cheek so they can have our DNA on file. Then, they can take samples from cigarette butts on the ground, beer cans lying around and dirty dishes to accuse whoever did it and punish them.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is just ridiculous. I will NOT be swabbing my cheek next year. HELL NO! I would've liked to see them try this at Antioch. HA!
I would just like to point out that theyll be digging through the trash..."and to identify students who discard beer cans on campus, whether or not in proper receptacles." Um, I'm 21, and will be 22 all of next year, and will drink if I want to! Next they're going to be putting cameras in our rooms and in bathroom stalls at the rate they're going!
This is the email we all got from the president.
I am pleased to announce a significant grant from the Chesterfield
Foundation to Earlham to allow us to purchase a portable DNA analysis
system to perform on-site rapid DNA identification tests.
NEC portable DNA lab --
In about 25 minutes, the portable system will allow an individual
using it to (1) take cell samples, (2) extract the DNA, (3) perform
polymerase chain reaction (PCR)
amplification to generate copies of the DNA, (4) perform
electrophoresis to measure the spacing between DNA bands (to create
the genetic fingerprint), and (5) perform short tandem repeat
(STR) analysis to
create a unique genetic profile for the individual.
Members of the Chemistry Department are thrilled at the acquisition
of this new device, which they plan to use in tandem with their NMR,
their gas chromatograph and the college's new anabolic
protoplaser. The Chemistry Department will have to work out
scheduling for the device with Student Development, however, which
will be using the DNA analysis system to identify students (and
others) who discard cigarette butts on the ground rather than in
proper receptacles, and to identify students who discard beer cans on
campus, whether or not in proper receptacles.
A member of the Student Development staff noted that this piece of
equipment will simplify the handling of judicial conduct cases on
campus. Up until now, the college has had to rely on individual
responsibility to identify someone not living up to college
expectations. Now, one machine will do it all. At the beginning of
next semester, at Enrollment Confirmation, all students will be asked
for a cheek swab as a reference sample, so that we can compare DNA
from a cigarette butt or beer with the reference samples of the
entire student body. The portable DNA analysis system can also be
used to discern who left dirty dishes in the sinks of residence hall
kitchens.
No doubt this will take some getting used to. As of April 1, we
have a whole new Earlham. With this new device, we'll have a
cleaner, more obedient college without the tiresome appeals to "take
responsibility."
P Please consider the environment before printing this e-mail.
***********************
Douglas Bennett, President
Earlham
801 National Road West
Richmond, IN 47374
PH: (765) 983-1211
FX: (765) 983-1616
dougb@earlham.edu
www.earlham.edu/~pres
***********************
Um, yeah.