(no subject)

[epiphytic]

I feel like the harder I work, the harder everything else gets. It's been so hard to get motivated to do anything lately, I'm ahead in most things as far as classes go...but I just can't put in that final drive. Lately all I do is sleep and eat occasionally mostly cause there isn't much food and I'm piss poor. This morning I was up till 2 AM working on something that's not due till tomorrow about 1 PM. So I mean I get things done, but it shouldn't have taken that long. I'm dragging along through this life and it's irritating. I don't get to go see the councelor this week and I probably need to...at least more than last week. I just keep feeling more and more hopeless. I need friends for support cause I can't stand alone, but what I want to do I have no time for friends. I absolutely hate this. I can't be fucking happy. I need to redifine everything for myself, cause everyone elses definition for things just doesn't work for me, logically it's all fucked. I need to find something, anything just so there's hope.

-"I wish I struck fear into my enemies"
-"you don't have any enemies"
-"yes I do, but I don't strike fear into myself"