Obsessed
I postulate that obsession has less to do with the object of the obsession than it does with the person obsessing experiencing a kind of hiccup or flat tire of the self-confidence. In times of stress, it is easier to seek what we feel is missing in ourselves in others than it is to realize we already are what we need.
Although I sometimes wonder if the person obsessed over really has the qualities being subconsciously sought or if it's more about projecting the disowned parts of ourselves onto someone else, in order for an obsession to persist, there has to be some sort of fuel, in terms of getting something you desire out of it, if only a distraction from something you don't want to see.
However, not all obsessions can be so easily explained away. From personal experience, I know what it is like to feel satisfied with my life and not in need of a distraction, yet still find myself, occasionally, obsessed. Maybe simply because it redirects attention away from something doesn't necessarily mean it is merely a distraction. There can be something deeper to it.
I think obsessions go something like this: (1) Something happens that subconsciously injures or weakens the sense that the person is able to cope with her reality; (2) Something or someone that she subconsciously feels fills the gaps in herself shows up in her life; (3) Rather than focus on the hole within herself, the parts of herself that have been lost along the way or were disowned, the person focuses on the glittery object of desire; (4) Whether anyone can see clearly during such an episode is doubtful; (5) Contact with the object of obsession perpetuates the cycle until, either the person obsessed over goes away, the self-confidence is healed, the situation that caused the subconscious doubt in herself goes away, or the person gets back in touch with the lost parts of herself, thereby finding what she needs within herself.
Although, while in the grips of an obsession, it may be tempting to see it as about as useful as hiccups, I see it as a coping mechanism. Therefore, in as far as it allows you to hang in there until life reaches a less tenuous spot, it is productive.
Whenever we do something that makes us feel less in control over our lives, especially in terms of what we think about, it seems wise to try to figure out what caused the obsession, why someone or something is being obsessed over, and what we can do to feel as though we are enough to handle whatever situations come our way.
The last time a self-confidence deflating incident occurred, regarding the new hire at work, it was about not feeling equipped to handle even the potential for flirting of any kind at work. Although, as evidenced by experiencing some of the worst insomnia of my life, I wasn't entirely successful, towards the end, instead of just throwing my hands up and saying, "I have no control over this," I got the idea to tell myself, "I am enough," whenever thoughts threatened to be obsessive.
It would take more experimenting to be sure, but, whenever I told myself that, I was able to break free of the obsessive thought pattern. While I really enjoy focusing intensely on something I find interesting and meaningful, not being able to stop makes me feel unstable and, during the throes of the obsession, a little crazy. Even though obsession isn't as much a part of my life as it was during college, I still sustain injuries to my self-confidence, at times, so feeling as though I can right myself, when my subconscious means of coping gets out of hand, is a real breakthrough.
If you have experience with obsession, what allowed you to overcome the feeling that you can't simply stop obsessing over something? Was your obsession sparked by a blow to your self-confidence, not wanting to look at something, or worry over an impending event? If none of those, what precipitated the obsession?
Although I sometimes wonder if the person obsessed over really has the qualities being subconsciously sought or if it's more about projecting the disowned parts of ourselves onto someone else, in order for an obsession to persist, there has to be some sort of fuel, in terms of getting something you desire out of it, if only a distraction from something you don't want to see.
However, not all obsessions can be so easily explained away. From personal experience, I know what it is like to feel satisfied with my life and not in need of a distraction, yet still find myself, occasionally, obsessed. Maybe simply because it redirects attention away from something doesn't necessarily mean it is merely a distraction. There can be something deeper to it.
I think obsessions go something like this: (1) Something happens that subconsciously injures or weakens the sense that the person is able to cope with her reality; (2) Something or someone that she subconsciously feels fills the gaps in herself shows up in her life; (3) Rather than focus on the hole within herself, the parts of herself that have been lost along the way or were disowned, the person focuses on the glittery object of desire; (4) Whether anyone can see clearly during such an episode is doubtful; (5) Contact with the object of obsession perpetuates the cycle until, either the person obsessed over goes away, the self-confidence is healed, the situation that caused the subconscious doubt in herself goes away, or the person gets back in touch with the lost parts of herself, thereby finding what she needs within herself.
Although, while in the grips of an obsession, it may be tempting to see it as about as useful as hiccups, I see it as a coping mechanism. Therefore, in as far as it allows you to hang in there until life reaches a less tenuous spot, it is productive.
Whenever we do something that makes us feel less in control over our lives, especially in terms of what we think about, it seems wise to try to figure out what caused the obsession, why someone or something is being obsessed over, and what we can do to feel as though we are enough to handle whatever situations come our way.
The last time a self-confidence deflating incident occurred, regarding the new hire at work, it was about not feeling equipped to handle even the potential for flirting of any kind at work. Although, as evidenced by experiencing some of the worst insomnia of my life, I wasn't entirely successful, towards the end, instead of just throwing my hands up and saying, "I have no control over this," I got the idea to tell myself, "I am enough," whenever thoughts threatened to be obsessive.
It would take more experimenting to be sure, but, whenever I told myself that, I was able to break free of the obsessive thought pattern. While I really enjoy focusing intensely on something I find interesting and meaningful, not being able to stop makes me feel unstable and, during the throes of the obsession, a little crazy. Even though obsession isn't as much a part of my life as it was during college, I still sustain injuries to my self-confidence, at times, so feeling as though I can right myself, when my subconscious means of coping gets out of hand, is a real breakthrough.
If you have experience with obsession, what allowed you to overcome the feeling that you can't simply stop obsessing over something? Was your obsession sparked by a blow to your self-confidence, not wanting to look at something, or worry over an impending event? If none of those, what precipitated the obsession?