(no subject)
You know the phrase, "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired"? Had a similar moment earlier when I was thinking about my current issues today. Except that I'm sick and tired of being afraid of the future. I'm sick and tired of dread being mixed in with hope. That dread kills the hope that I have in the moment. Got some of my fire back earlier, and I'm retracing my steps in order to find out how to replicate it just in case it goes out again.
Everything is in flux in my life right now. Nothing is certain or settled. Instead of looking for cover until this blows down, I have to take conscious action and trust that I'll find my way. When I was younger, I was afraid of living alone. Afraid of screwing up badly and ending up without anything. As that has happened a couple of times in my life already, it's difficult for me to feel that intense fear anymore. For that I'm grateful.
All that's left for me is to go forward. Don't know what my destination will be, but it is my journey to take.
Everything is in flux in my life right now. Nothing is certain or settled. Instead of looking for cover until this blows down, I have to take conscious action and trust that I'll find my way. When I was younger, I was afraid of living alone. Afraid of screwing up badly and ending up without anything. As that has happened a couple of times in my life already, it's difficult for me to feel that intense fear anymore. For that I'm grateful.
All that's left for me is to go forward. Don't know what my destination will be, but it is my journey to take.