Movie Reviews: A Deadly Invitation + Totally Killer + Pet Sematary: Bloodlines 👎👎👎
A Deadly Invitation (2023)
A sinister, nefarious plot unfolds in this dubbed Mexican murder mystery. A podcaster with a silly podcaster voice is invited to a party by her sister. This is overdramatic. She’s a victim in a sea of assh*les. A destabilising, core shaking experience will happen in this really awful film. There is an abrupt halt to interest. This was largely hopeless purposelessness. This was banality. There is a homicidal outburst to which people are fantastically indifferent. People are suspiciously hostile and don’t take kindly to being avoided. This is an unimaginable catalogue of wretchedness. There is self-serving rhetoric and doomed hopelessness. DNF. Stark and worrying events happen. People are fury inducing and implacably opposed. There are inevitable consequences. This is not pleasingly stupid.
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Totally Killer (2023)
A podcaster talks about the 1987 sweet sixteen killer. Kiernan Shipka and Lochlyn Munro and Julie Bowen star. Shipka is a horrible teenager who should be left on a hillside to die. Molly Ringwald is invoked. Bowen can’t act. Bowen is killed off. Shipka bitches. Shipka is sent back in time via a science fair photo booth. Shipka ends up in 1987. Shipka whines that 1987 gym shorts make girls look like they work at Hooters. Young Bowen and her mean friends are big haired, over made-up twats. Shipka sees a hot wet teen boy at a pool party. Surprise it’s a young Munro aka her dad. This isn’t as good as it could have been. Slutty teen girls dress like Molly Ringwald. When Shipka gets back to the future, things have changed. This was 💩💩💩💩💩💩.
Best Lines;
“HEY MURDER TOUR!”
“God is angry tonight.”
“I saw ‘Endgame’ but I didn’t really understand it.”
“Careful with that nailgun.”
“GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR COMPOST!”
“Would a serial killer wear Gloria Vanderbilt?”
“Avoid the knife, keep your life!”
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Pet Sematary: Bloodlines (2023)
The story of Jud Crandell in 1969. Henry Thomas and David Duchovny feature. There is exposition about an ancient evil in the woods, little god swamp and the deadfall. This is a prequel. Norma lurks not speaking. Timmy lurks being weird. This is not good. Randos are in peril. DNF.
Best Lines:
“Oh that’s awful.”
"This is how it starts."
“Doing the marijuana.”
"People start dying."
"Prefers the dead."
"Battling with this for generations."