so i woke up this morning and...
no wait, it gets better. not only did i get up in a time that could be looked at without the shadow of a doubt to be a morning time, and not be construed as possibly a "late morning, early afternoon, or 'today'" i actually read a book. yes, i read a book, and it was refreshing. then, to top things off, i went to breakfast. and then i went to the accounting office and gave them 140 dollars. this all was done before i thought i was going to wake up a half an hour from now. crazy shit. also i went and saw hitch last night. yes its a "romantic comedy" and being single im apparently banned from going and all, but i fucking went, and i loved it. if anything else, you get to see the guy from the king of queens tv show dance like an ass, get to see will smith kick a gorgeous girl in the face, and above all else, FULLY GET THE IMPRESSION THAT THERES A CHANCE FOR EVEN YOU. that, coupled with the fact that i just got done reading a book entitled "shes just NOT that into you" and not caring about the women i sat with today at breakfast in a romantic way, i truly think that something is either a) wrong with me or b)i got my shit straightened out. it could be c) both.
or it could be that theres something RIGHT with me. the bad thing is, the thing thats right with me is, by definition, bad FOR me. oh well. i tried to hang out with alissa last night, and she was busy, and i wasnt crushed. i asked laura to constantine, which turned into hitch, and she said she had other things to do, and i wasnt really crushed. i was just trying to get her mind off chem for a few mins i guess. eh, thats what friends are for, and i think that although i have thoughts in my head, i also fully realize that i have a snowballs chance in hell of being "with" her. but that doesnt mean i cant be with her. she can come over and watch movies, and well talk about current events, relationships, gossip, the weather, and other mundane things that friends talk about all the time, but i will stop bringing other things into it. its too stressful on her, and too stressful on her relationship. i told her to give the man a shot, i dont think i should also be confusing her with what i think and feel and want to act on but cant cuz i just told her to give her boyfriend a chance. being the nice guy sucks, and im well aware of that. a few comments ago i said something about her being disillusioned. and i also said i dont like to be. well now i am on this road, and i realize that i have been disillusioning myself since the day i met her. i care for her, and i want her to be happy. and from what i can see, shes chosen to be happy. but not with me. and for the first time, im sad to say it sucks, but makes too much sense to be arguing and second-guessing it. she is, and i am, and her boyfriend is. there is not a "we are" there is a "they are" and im comfortable with that. it sucks to get used to, but i am comfortable with it. i still need to tell her some things, but today is not the day. shes got enough on her place i believe. thats not me doing it again and disillusioning myself. shes got to sort her relationship out, and she also has a chemistry test of doom to fully kick in the ass. i hope she does well in it. and in life. the end. thats it.
current mood- happy to be enjoying this mindfuck of an existance. in some cases, its been rough, but once its worked out in your head, it just makes so much fucking sense its blissful in a cathartic sense.
or it could be that theres something RIGHT with me. the bad thing is, the thing thats right with me is, by definition, bad FOR me. oh well. i tried to hang out with alissa last night, and she was busy, and i wasnt crushed. i asked laura to constantine, which turned into hitch, and she said she had other things to do, and i wasnt really crushed. i was just trying to get her mind off chem for a few mins i guess. eh, thats what friends are for, and i think that although i have thoughts in my head, i also fully realize that i have a snowballs chance in hell of being "with" her. but that doesnt mean i cant be with her. she can come over and watch movies, and well talk about current events, relationships, gossip, the weather, and other mundane things that friends talk about all the time, but i will stop bringing other things into it. its too stressful on her, and too stressful on her relationship. i told her to give the man a shot, i dont think i should also be confusing her with what i think and feel and want to act on but cant cuz i just told her to give her boyfriend a chance. being the nice guy sucks, and im well aware of that. a few comments ago i said something about her being disillusioned. and i also said i dont like to be. well now i am on this road, and i realize that i have been disillusioning myself since the day i met her. i care for her, and i want her to be happy. and from what i can see, shes chosen to be happy. but not with me. and for the first time, im sad to say it sucks, but makes too much sense to be arguing and second-guessing it. she is, and i am, and her boyfriend is. there is not a "we are" there is a "they are" and im comfortable with that. it sucks to get used to, but i am comfortable with it. i still need to tell her some things, but today is not the day. shes got enough on her place i believe. thats not me doing it again and disillusioning myself. shes got to sort her relationship out, and she also has a chemistry test of doom to fully kick in the ass. i hope she does well in it. and in life. the end. thats it.
current mood- happy to be enjoying this mindfuck of an existance. in some cases, its been rough, but once its worked out in your head, it just makes so much fucking sense its blissful in a cathartic sense.