i don't know...i just keep sighing
The road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began
Now far ahead the road has gone
And I must follow if I can
Pursuing it with eager feet
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet
And whither then, I cannot say
~Tolkien~
this kind of explains how i've been feeling later. all in all i'm ok i guess. or maybe it's the opposite. maybe all in all i'm about to break down and i just seem alright. i'm wearing down. school has been stressful because i have to make all a's this semester to get hope next year. my parents don't really make me feel at home when i am home. they never call me, they just ask mad at me. the one person who should be caring the most won't give me the time of day. i just feel so alone sometimes....lately i guess. there have been times that i thought that whole bottle of ibprofen (sp) is looking pretty nice right now. the funny thing is i'm in a room full of people right now and they can't even see that i want to be gone. but i don't because i don't want to let anyone down. i was staying for emily but she doesn't even care about how i'm doing. she just knows that i left and for some reason that makes me a bad person. going to college should be great to them because i'm the first in my family to do it. but they never call to see if i'm alright or to see if i need anything. i'm trying to figure out where i stand in life, and i'm not coming up with anything. following with eager feet? yeah right i can't even see my feet. why don't you care? i'm doing this for you! help me out...why do i have to ask you for help. you're just suppose to be there. that's your job. it's not hard. just promise me that everything is going to be ok.
i won't really try to take all those pills...because frankly with my luck it wouldn't kill me and i'd just end up retarded.
plus....i don't want to go to hell.
Down from the door where it began
Now far ahead the road has gone
And I must follow if I can
Pursuing it with eager feet
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet
And whither then, I cannot say
~Tolkien~
this kind of explains how i've been feeling later. all in all i'm ok i guess. or maybe it's the opposite. maybe all in all i'm about to break down and i just seem alright. i'm wearing down. school has been stressful because i have to make all a's this semester to get hope next year. my parents don't really make me feel at home when i am home. they never call me, they just ask mad at me. the one person who should be caring the most won't give me the time of day. i just feel so alone sometimes....lately i guess. there have been times that i thought that whole bottle of ibprofen (sp) is looking pretty nice right now. the funny thing is i'm in a room full of people right now and they can't even see that i want to be gone. but i don't because i don't want to let anyone down. i was staying for emily but she doesn't even care about how i'm doing. she just knows that i left and for some reason that makes me a bad person. going to college should be great to them because i'm the first in my family to do it. but they never call to see if i'm alright or to see if i need anything. i'm trying to figure out where i stand in life, and i'm not coming up with anything. following with eager feet? yeah right i can't even see my feet. why don't you care? i'm doing this for you! help me out...why do i have to ask you for help. you're just suppose to be there. that's your job. it's not hard. just promise me that everything is going to be ok.
i won't really try to take all those pills...because frankly with my luck it wouldn't kill me and i'd just end up retarded.
plus....i don't want to go to hell.