(no subject)
I want to make a new years resolution, but I don't know what.
I don't know what I could possibly resolve to do that would improve my life.
I know there must be things that would improve my general overall happiness, but I honestly can't put my finger on any of them.
It's really hard being home in Lake Orion. All it has done is reaffirm that my ties to this town are paper thin.
It's amazing to read people's LJs that were old friends. It was... interesting to see pictures from a new year's party that all my old HS friends were at. I'm not speaking of aquaintences either, i'm talking about friends. Hell, three of them I played with in a quartet since freshman year (one of them really was just an aquaintence, but the other two were friends). I know those other two will probably read this too. It's not that i'm mad, it's just been quite a wake up call. I guess some people move on, some don't? Although that's a lie, had I been invited, I would have gone and had a blast, and wouldn't be talking of moving on, because I don't necessarily want to, but then again it's not really my choice.
I guess my biggest problem is making DEEP connections with people. Sure I have superficial ones, and I have had a FEW deep ones, but they seem to recede far too easily. It's possibly a self defense mechanism? Why can't I let others in? Why can't I rip out my guts and hand them to others? And do I want to?
It's got to the point where being online is depressing. I do it everything, but it's painful at the same time. I read away messages that people have up. I wish that people would IM me, and that others not. I stare at the SNs of people that I feel for. Some romantically, some not. People that I wish would IM me. People whose minds I wish I could read. People who I wish lived in different locations. It dosen't matter why, I just do.
I've fallen in love with Rufus. You may call it lust, because it's happened in 6 days time, but you're wrong. I love him as much as I love Bjork or Tori. That's saying something.
With that, I leave you with the title of a song.
Go, or Go Ahead
I don't know what I could possibly resolve to do that would improve my life.
I know there must be things that would improve my general overall happiness, but I honestly can't put my finger on any of them.
It's really hard being home in Lake Orion. All it has done is reaffirm that my ties to this town are paper thin.
It's amazing to read people's LJs that were old friends. It was... interesting to see pictures from a new year's party that all my old HS friends were at. I'm not speaking of aquaintences either, i'm talking about friends. Hell, three of them I played with in a quartet since freshman year (one of them really was just an aquaintence, but the other two were friends). I know those other two will probably read this too. It's not that i'm mad, it's just been quite a wake up call. I guess some people move on, some don't? Although that's a lie, had I been invited, I would have gone and had a blast, and wouldn't be talking of moving on, because I don't necessarily want to, but then again it's not really my choice.
I guess my biggest problem is making DEEP connections with people. Sure I have superficial ones, and I have had a FEW deep ones, but they seem to recede far too easily. It's possibly a self defense mechanism? Why can't I let others in? Why can't I rip out my guts and hand them to others? And do I want to?
It's got to the point where being online is depressing. I do it everything, but it's painful at the same time. I read away messages that people have up. I wish that people would IM me, and that others not. I stare at the SNs of people that I feel for. Some romantically, some not. People that I wish would IM me. People whose minds I wish I could read. People who I wish lived in different locations. It dosen't matter why, I just do.
I've fallen in love with Rufus. You may call it lust, because it's happened in 6 days time, but you're wrong. I love him as much as I love Bjork or Tori. That's saying something.
With that, I leave you with the title of a song.
Go, or Go Ahead