What happened to happy music?
So now i leave may 20th my sister's birthday for FL...i'm so ready to get out of this place.
i just watched garden state last night and i loved it...it's true about home, i had the same feelings when i came here because i went from my house to CT last summer and then to my house for a week and came to a brand new place and when i go home it doesn't feel like home... anyways i loved it, but i figured i would.
isn't it funny how everyone who has a LJ just puts really kind of unimportant things in it, sometimes there is venting or questioning, but the true impacting things that are occurring in your life, those details that are helping to create who you are and who you will become are just left to the imagination...
i suppose i just feel like i write in this for no purpose truly because i can't actually include the deep feelings that i experience or the things i truly go through because it's too public. it just makes you wonder if there is a point, not that it really matters anyways.
i hope there is time for me to train this summer, i just am really afraid about that because all i want to do is come back and break 21 my first or second meet so i can be well on my way to breaking 20...anyways that's not important.
mediocrity once again stares me in the face...
pain is real and that is what makes us alive, but why do we spend our lives in pursuit of happiness when it is so fleeting anyways? i suppose if we didn't have a goal there would be no point to life. i fear i will never be able to deal with this pain. i know that it could be so much worse, i look around and i see how lucky i am but for now, for right now, all i know is the anger/resentment/sadness/pain/hate/fear/confusedness (well you get point) that i am feeling. why are strong emotions so overwhelming?
i am at the point where my emotions are so overwhelming my arousal is too high and nothing gets accomplished...i need to get back down to the middle so i can keep a constant flow of arousal (sorry psych class)
you see the sensory input i am receiving goes to the amygdala which determines the emotional relevance of a potential behavior, if the behavior is relevant to the current state then the amygdala will feed back into the arousal center and then go to the cortex which will send the impulse to the places in the body necessary for the behavior to occur...in my case i am too aroused...i guess the amygdala and arousal centers keep feeding into each other and i am battling this state...or i could be completey wrong about this junk
p.s. i like to answer my own questions
i just watched garden state last night and i loved it...it's true about home, i had the same feelings when i came here because i went from my house to CT last summer and then to my house for a week and came to a brand new place and when i go home it doesn't feel like home... anyways i loved it, but i figured i would.
isn't it funny how everyone who has a LJ just puts really kind of unimportant things in it, sometimes there is venting or questioning, but the true impacting things that are occurring in your life, those details that are helping to create who you are and who you will become are just left to the imagination...
i suppose i just feel like i write in this for no purpose truly because i can't actually include the deep feelings that i experience or the things i truly go through because it's too public. it just makes you wonder if there is a point, not that it really matters anyways.
i hope there is time for me to train this summer, i just am really afraid about that because all i want to do is come back and break 21 my first or second meet so i can be well on my way to breaking 20...anyways that's not important.
mediocrity once again stares me in the face...
pain is real and that is what makes us alive, but why do we spend our lives in pursuit of happiness when it is so fleeting anyways? i suppose if we didn't have a goal there would be no point to life. i fear i will never be able to deal with this pain. i know that it could be so much worse, i look around and i see how lucky i am but for now, for right now, all i know is the anger/resentment/sadness/pain/hate/fear/confusedness (well you get point) that i am feeling. why are strong emotions so overwhelming?
i am at the point where my emotions are so overwhelming my arousal is too high and nothing gets accomplished...i need to get back down to the middle so i can keep a constant flow of arousal (sorry psych class)
you see the sensory input i am receiving goes to the amygdala which determines the emotional relevance of a potential behavior, if the behavior is relevant to the current state then the amygdala will feed back into the arousal center and then go to the cortex which will send the impulse to the places in the body necessary for the behavior to occur...in my case i am too aroused...i guess the amygdala and arousal centers keep feeding into each other and i am battling this state...or i could be completey wrong about this junk
p.s. i like to answer my own questions