confession of an ordinary jo
i've never been a pretty girl.
i don't mean that in an oh my god i'm hideous and i should make like every television reality star example and get some work done way, or in that okay we all know i'm stunning but i'm going to pretend that i'm not because it's not polite when you say that about yourself sort of way; i'm just a regular girl, and even if i had a size zero body, i would never be the girl who turns heads when she walks down the street, or even the one who gets a curious second glance, and i've always been okay with that. maybe it was a necessity thing, a coping mechanism to deal with that average-jo-ness, but i'm just not that bothered with appearances in general. i love my shoes, and my clothes, but only in that magpie-attraction-to-bling sort of way. the love of fashion is hard-wired into every woman's dna, and it's only a matter of when it's triggered, not if. but that aside, i'm not into make-up or skincare or hairdos or accessories; my brothers spend more time primping in the bathroom than i do. i'm mostly just lazy, i guess.
but that's not really the point of this post. the point is that i'm not a pretty girl, and i've grown up to be okay with that, but being in america with two girls much prettier than i am has made me think that maybe that would be very, very different if i'd been born in america.
we're such a docile, timid people, us singaporeans, which is probably one of my (and our government's) favourite things about us. we complain a lot, sure, but it's always empty talk, and we go about our lives taking names and getting shit done, for the most part. yeah, we can be inefficient sometimes, but in comparison to many of the other countries in the world, we are efficient even in our inefficiency. but all that makes us a very pragmatic people; when we swoon, we swoon quietly and then we move on. for the most part, you're more likely to be uncomfortably ogled than complimented or flirted with outright. i don't think that dents anyone's confidence, but it does help the average-looking girl pay less attention to the fact that she's average-looking, or - as in my case - overlook the physical attractiveness thing altogether (when dealing with people irl, at least, hollywood is a completely different story).
it's just been enlightening, watching the way people here interact with my sister and my cousin. it's really just weird and awkward in general, and borderline creepy the rest of the time, but all of that combined has just made me think about what it would be like to be raised in a society that's so vocal about their appreciation for physical attractiveness. i have an unfairly attractive family, it's honestly pretty ridiculous, so it would probably have made a world of difference to me growing up. of course there would have been other things to turn to, like academia or my writing or fandom, but i would never have come out of my shell in real life, i think, or overcome my crippling insecurities as a teenager. i don't know if i would have dared to do half the things i ended up doing, or to make the friends i did, or to choose the life i did. it's a very strange, unsettling thought, that one little thing could make such a big difference.
the good news is that i'm prepared for that now. there's always going to be that slight twinge of jealousy watching it happen to other people when you're so blatantly the odd one out - who doesn't like a little extra attention? - but at least there's nothing else. no envy, or insecurity, or devastating blows to my confidence; no why doesn't that happen to me?
clearly, being raised in singapore doesn't automatically mean you don't fall into the trap of putting too much emphasis on the way you look - it's hard not to get sucked into that no matter where you come from - but the culture did help, and i have steady parents with good heads on their shoulders, and they made sure to drill into all of us exactly how not important appearances are by never talking about it. it's always been about hard work and attitude and learning and enjoying the experience in everything we do, never anything else. it's so engrained by now that even talk of potential plastic surgery makes me scoff, because it just sounds so ludicrous, that anyone would spend that much time and money worrying about something like their nose, or their forehead, or their lips. everyone's entitled to their own opinions, and to the way they look at / treat / modify their appearances, but i've always been taught to be comfortable with my body, and to use it to do things, instead of looking at it and categorising everything that's wrong with it and how i'm going to fix it.
this sounds like a terribly superficial, preachy post when i read it back, but i think it's impossible not to have figured out by now that looking good definitely gives you a nice, big boost in the first impressions department - and in other departments, besides - but i guess it's just hitting me for the first time how glad i am that i didn't learn that lesson when i was young enough to have it make an impact on the way i plan to live the rest of my life.
i mean, it would be fantastic to get even one of the dozen different compliments that will probably be directed my family's way when we walk down the street tomorrow, but not getting any of them isn't going to bum me out, and i just - really wanted to take a moment to be thankful for that, and maybe even a little proud.
i don't mean that in an oh my god i'm hideous and i should make like every television reality star example and get some work done way, or in that okay we all know i'm stunning but i'm going to pretend that i'm not because it's not polite when you say that about yourself sort of way; i'm just a regular girl, and even if i had a size zero body, i would never be the girl who turns heads when she walks down the street, or even the one who gets a curious second glance, and i've always been okay with that. maybe it was a necessity thing, a coping mechanism to deal with that average-jo-ness, but i'm just not that bothered with appearances in general. i love my shoes, and my clothes, but only in that magpie-attraction-to-bling sort of way. the love of fashion is hard-wired into every woman's dna, and it's only a matter of when it's triggered, not if. but that aside, i'm not into make-up or skincare or hairdos or accessories; my brothers spend more time primping in the bathroom than i do. i'm mostly just lazy, i guess.
but that's not really the point of this post. the point is that i'm not a pretty girl, and i've grown up to be okay with that, but being in america with two girls much prettier than i am has made me think that maybe that would be very, very different if i'd been born in america.
we're such a docile, timid people, us singaporeans, which is probably one of my (and our government's) favourite things about us. we complain a lot, sure, but it's always empty talk, and we go about our lives taking names and getting shit done, for the most part. yeah, we can be inefficient sometimes, but in comparison to many of the other countries in the world, we are efficient even in our inefficiency. but all that makes us a very pragmatic people; when we swoon, we swoon quietly and then we move on. for the most part, you're more likely to be uncomfortably ogled than complimented or flirted with outright. i don't think that dents anyone's confidence, but it does help the average-looking girl pay less attention to the fact that she's average-looking, or - as in my case - overlook the physical attractiveness thing altogether (when dealing with people irl, at least, hollywood is a completely different story).
it's just been enlightening, watching the way people here interact with my sister and my cousin. it's really just weird and awkward in general, and borderline creepy the rest of the time, but all of that combined has just made me think about what it would be like to be raised in a society that's so vocal about their appreciation for physical attractiveness. i have an unfairly attractive family, it's honestly pretty ridiculous, so it would probably have made a world of difference to me growing up. of course there would have been other things to turn to, like academia or my writing or fandom, but i would never have come out of my shell in real life, i think, or overcome my crippling insecurities as a teenager. i don't know if i would have dared to do half the things i ended up doing, or to make the friends i did, or to choose the life i did. it's a very strange, unsettling thought, that one little thing could make such a big difference.
the good news is that i'm prepared for that now. there's always going to be that slight twinge of jealousy watching it happen to other people when you're so blatantly the odd one out - who doesn't like a little extra attention? - but at least there's nothing else. no envy, or insecurity, or devastating blows to my confidence; no why doesn't that happen to me?
clearly, being raised in singapore doesn't automatically mean you don't fall into the trap of putting too much emphasis on the way you look - it's hard not to get sucked into that no matter where you come from - but the culture did help, and i have steady parents with good heads on their shoulders, and they made sure to drill into all of us exactly how not important appearances are by never talking about it. it's always been about hard work and attitude and learning and enjoying the experience in everything we do, never anything else. it's so engrained by now that even talk of potential plastic surgery makes me scoff, because it just sounds so ludicrous, that anyone would spend that much time and money worrying about something like their nose, or their forehead, or their lips. everyone's entitled to their own opinions, and to the way they look at / treat / modify their appearances, but i've always been taught to be comfortable with my body, and to use it to do things, instead of looking at it and categorising everything that's wrong with it and how i'm going to fix it.
this sounds like a terribly superficial, preachy post when i read it back, but i think it's impossible not to have figured out by now that looking good definitely gives you a nice, big boost in the first impressions department - and in other departments, besides - but i guess it's just hitting me for the first time how glad i am that i didn't learn that lesson when i was young enough to have it make an impact on the way i plan to live the rest of my life.
i mean, it would be fantastic to get even one of the dozen different compliments that will probably be directed my family's way when we walk down the street tomorrow, but not getting any of them isn't going to bum me out, and i just - really wanted to take a moment to be thankful for that, and maybe even a little proud.