so, um.
My grandfather just passed away.
Yeah.
Somewhere during the past two hours. Um. I'm not sure what you're supposed to say to that. I was out with my sister at a nearby place, and suddenly wham. I call my dad and I get the news. The first thing that I did, actually, once I'd started walking again and I'd put the phone down, was laugh. I don't know how, or why. I just did. Like, the disbelief and the incredulity of the situation just sank it. And it just felt/feels so surreal. Like, this can't be happening, how can this be happening?
I suppose I should feel more. As I sat in KFC after I got the phone call, just looking at my sis, I felt as though I was going to cry. Like, just, everything was so wrong. So. Not real. I bought lunch, actually, and I'm not sure of what I was doing -- I just couldn't sit there, and stare, and blank out. If I didn't do something, I was gonna start crying. So I bought food. And while I was eating, I just felt sick. Like I was going to throw up. Or worse. And I almost did cry; felt like I wasn't going to ever stop. I wasn't close to my grandfather, at all, because I have no memory of him from the past, and he spent the last year or so of his life lying in the hospital. I never really got to talk to him, or listen to him or just spend time with him.
And now he's just gone and it doesn't feel like it's real. I haven't seen his body, haven't seen anything. All I know is that I should be feeling more than empty right now. And I can't find that in myself. It's just. Weird. Surreal. You know that feeling like you're going to start bawling really bad any second? It's here somewhere. I feel like I'm going to just sit here and start crying and crying and crying, like I won't be able to stop.
I always thought that my grandfather's death wouldn't be a big deal -- and god, that makes me sound awful, but. It's true. I always thought it wouldn't feel any different. But it does. It feels like people are gonna start talking to me different, or looking at me different. I don't know. _plastiqueink's grandfather passed away a couple of days ago, too, and I just got that bad feeling in the pit of my stomach since then, like my granddad would be going the same way, soon. I just didn't think it would be today, of all days.
And the most fucking cliche thing is that as I stepped out of the shopping mall I was in with my sister, it started to rain. The kind of heavy rain that always happens in movies when some major character dies. I didn't even realize until my sister said.
This is so. God, I don't know.
Yeah.
Somewhere during the past two hours. Um. I'm not sure what you're supposed to say to that. I was out with my sister at a nearby place, and suddenly wham. I call my dad and I get the news. The first thing that I did, actually, once I'd started walking again and I'd put the phone down, was laugh. I don't know how, or why. I just did. Like, the disbelief and the incredulity of the situation just sank it. And it just felt/feels so surreal. Like, this can't be happening, how can this be happening?
I suppose I should feel more. As I sat in KFC after I got the phone call, just looking at my sis, I felt as though I was going to cry. Like, just, everything was so wrong. So. Not real. I bought lunch, actually, and I'm not sure of what I was doing -- I just couldn't sit there, and stare, and blank out. If I didn't do something, I was gonna start crying. So I bought food. And while I was eating, I just felt sick. Like I was going to throw up. Or worse. And I almost did cry; felt like I wasn't going to ever stop. I wasn't close to my grandfather, at all, because I have no memory of him from the past, and he spent the last year or so of his life lying in the hospital. I never really got to talk to him, or listen to him or just spend time with him.
And now he's just gone and it doesn't feel like it's real. I haven't seen his body, haven't seen anything. All I know is that I should be feeling more than empty right now. And I can't find that in myself. It's just. Weird. Surreal. You know that feeling like you're going to start bawling really bad any second? It's here somewhere. I feel like I'm going to just sit here and start crying and crying and crying, like I won't be able to stop.
I always thought that my grandfather's death wouldn't be a big deal -- and god, that makes me sound awful, but. It's true. I always thought it wouldn't feel any different. But it does. It feels like people are gonna start talking to me different, or looking at me different. I don't know. _plastiqueink's grandfather passed away a couple of days ago, too, and I just got that bad feeling in the pit of my stomach since then, like my granddad would be going the same way, soon. I just didn't think it would be today, of all days.
And the most fucking cliche thing is that as I stepped out of the shopping mall I was in with my sister, it started to rain. The kind of heavy rain that always happens in movies when some major character dies. I didn't even realize until my sister said.
This is so. God, I don't know.