By The Pool
Wow, s'been a long time since I posted anything on my public journal. *Blows dust of LJ*
I posted a short story in FB with me and my crush in it (XD). He doesn't realise it was him of course. :P
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There was nothing wrong with hanging by the pool alone, I had explained to my mom. She sees this as an abnormal behaviour. I mean, why go to the pool if you're not actually going in it?
Well, she just didn't get me.
Just like I didn't get myself either.
Often, I fancy taking a trip to the serene, isolated pool just to watch the rays of the wonderful sunset illuminate a path on the water; so vivid, I thought I could actually walk on the wavy surface of the pool.
Other times, I let my imagination stray to the extent where I was an explorer who had just discovered a lake, untouched and undestroyed by another one of human's machineries.
But when I just wanted to be completely alone, I just liked to think. I'd like to think about how I acted in school that day, what I'd get for my friend's upcoming birthday party, how I would apologise to my parents for all the painful lies I had told them or maybe even just thinking about the positive differences I could create if I had the opportunity to rule the world. In a good way, of course.
But mostly, if I had the chance, I'd sit at one of those tanning seats and think about him.
I'd memorise the way he walked towards his friends, eager to start yet another exciting conversation, or just to play and make the most of the limited time they had left with each other at the end of school. Which I found interesting, because they all lived in the same compound together with me.
I'd remember his smile as he talked to his friends, so warm and welcome that he looked like a little boy. Or I'd remember the way our eyes had met. Even if it dawned on me that whatever contact we had with each other were perhaps just mere coincidences.
I wasn't in love with him or whatever. I'm tall, thin and geeky-looking, so I had no chance whatsoever with him. And I knew that. But he stood out from the rest of the boys somehow. So sue me if I found him a bit more interesting than most of the other boys.
Not to mention he's smart and seemed to have a great sense of humour. But I couldn't just tell from a distance, since we barely even knew each other.
Sometimes, when I feel extremely lonely and was desperate for some accompaniment by the pool, I couldn't deny that I had wished he was there by me. Which would be awkward because that was it. No matter how tremendous the blow was, I'd realise we would always find ourselves no more than strangers to each other. I felt that knowing each other's names were not enough. And yet, I couldn't bring the broken pieces of my shattered courage together and say 'Hello' to him. I was a coward. And I knew that a coward wasn't worthy enough to be the one that he trusted.
But that didn't wound me so much. If he was happier without me, let him forget the small amount of memory he knew about me.
Impulsively, I muttered his name. Then closed my eyes. A voice broke the tranquility.
"Hey."
I jerked my eyes open and turned around. Because he was standing right in front of me. Gaping for words, I just mouthed a lame "Hi" in reply.
"I heard someone call my name. So I just followed that voice."
That surprised me a bit mainly because I was so sure I mentioned his name so quietly, it was barely audible.
"What... What are you doing here?" I asked (Even if I knew the reason) as I watched him settle on a tanning seat right beside mine. He looked alright with the sunset behind him. In fact, better than alright.
"I come here often to relax. Which you seem to be doing right now. You should've seen the look on your face as you turned around," he laughed. Feeling stupid, I blushed and remained silent, which seemed to make him a little bit more concerned. "Wait, I didn't mean that! I'm sorry..."
I laughed at his expression. I haven't laughed in a while, so that surprised me a little.
In the midst of his confusion, he laughed along, too. We both ended in an awkward silence.
But this kind of awkward... Isn't all that bad, is it?
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It sucked. Sue me. I only lived a decade and two years. xD
Ish sleepy.. >_>
Hmm, since my crush won't be seeing this site anytime, I guess its safe to say that I call him Rajaf. :D Tho that's not his real name.
And we chatted! FOR THE FIRST TIME! And it went kinda smooth. He said LOL and HAHAHA at some parts which I hope was a positive sign. >w<
He's picky. And I'm sure he doesn't have any interest in me because he acted so nice and polite. But I don't actually get boys, so maybe that's actually a good sign? 0_o
I hope we at least became friends. :D w00t!
Oh, and Karin's b-day's coming soon. Wonder what to get her... >_>