Logic?
Everything I've written in this giant square block is either stupid, senseless, or pointless. I'm identifying anger and maybe pity. Maybe neither. They just do a great job of making a mess of a conflict in my head.
"Well, there's A. A, we've known about. A is good, and normal. Then there's B. B is also 'normal,' but somewhat forbidden. But C? Whoa. That's new. Where the fuck did C come from?! Am I insane?!"
So if A = "I hate him," B = "I miss him," and C = "Maybe forgiveness is an option..."
Then logically, A + B + C = D. Difficult. Disastrous. Devastating. Dumb.
Definitely Disastrous. A and B cancel each other out. C provokes nostalgia, more so than even B. Because C leads to possibility.
"If I use C to knock out A and change B, will I be happy?"
And then, "Wait a sec... since when do I care if I'M happy?! This was clearly never about me."
[I know it's sad that I never gave a damn about the weather, and it never gave a damn about me.]
Here's to taking the idea of "This may be stupid, but I think it's best," and fucking sprinting away with it. Just like we all do.
God, do we all wish we weren't so selfish?
Or is it just me.