(no subject)
I had a great time playing soccer with Justin today. When I came home, though, I felt that horrible lonely, isolated feeling again. It is such a strong emotion that it makes me feel as if I am constantly shuttering. It's not like I am diagnosed with depression or anything but this year every now and then I just feel lost and helpless. I had to think a lot tonight to get rid of this almost scary emotion. So I thought.
Initally, I was angry that I was once more feeling lonely for no good reason - I believe that feeling is a form of self-pity. Then I began to think that maybe there was actually something that was causing my lonliness. Earlier I had talked a lot with Justin about our friends and what they all liked to do. He told me that he and his friends liked to play sports and that they were taking a fun camping trip this weekend. I remember that at that time I was thinking, "I really like to do outdoor activities. Why don't my friends and I do more of that kind of stuff"? And now that I am thinking more about this immediate question that popped into my head I wonder,"Have I been hiding a part of myself on accident? And why for such a long time?" In other words, do my friends even know how much I love the outdoors....This is nothing against my friends. I am too tired to continue my train of thought.I'll continue writing tomorrow. Goodnight.
Initally, I was angry that I was once more feeling lonely for no good reason - I believe that feeling is a form of self-pity. Then I began to think that maybe there was actually something that was causing my lonliness. Earlier I had talked a lot with Justin about our friends and what they all liked to do. He told me that he and his friends liked to play sports and that they were taking a fun camping trip this weekend. I remember that at that time I was thinking, "I really like to do outdoor activities. Why don't my friends and I do more of that kind of stuff"? And now that I am thinking more about this immediate question that popped into my head I wonder,"Have I been hiding a part of myself on accident? And why for such a long time?" In other words, do my friends even know how much I love the outdoors....This is nothing against my friends. I am too tired to continue my train of thought.I'll continue writing tomorrow. Goodnight.